A friend of mine has constantly been in a conflictual relationship with her mother-in-law and lately she emailed me a very long letter ventilating her frustrations. I believe it takes two hands to clap in any relationships, and many times it's difficult to really tell who's right and who's wrong. Of course, I would offer my friend as much support as I could, hoping that she would feel and cope better.
I had (and still have) my fair share of woe in close relationships though I do not have a mother-in-law now. I believe misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable in almost all human interactions. I can't seem to forget hurtful incidents but I suppose I have forgiven and moved on. As the saying goes, "Once bitten twice shy", my fears that history may repeat itself remain. I must say that I am not courageous enough to take any form of risk to get myself hurt currently because I know if things were to happen again now, I will not have my mum and dad to turn to. I do not wish to get myself caught in that kind of situation. Or maybe I have become less brave and gungho with age? I am not sure..
Anyway, here's a little poem for my friend who's still struggling with her problems.
Sometimes I sit and stare
I wonder if life is really so unfair
Is it a matter of my perception
Or of myself and people around, I have a certain level of expectation?
I have now learnt to do what I can in my designated role
Pursuing my unhappy past can be quite a toil
Though you may feel that you are never in the wrong
Your spouse may not understand, hence making your relationship less strong
There are things in our life we can't change and control
Grudges we bear, it may be better to let them go
I know it's going to be tough but try to be forgiving
It's only then that your life may have more meaning.
Hey pal, you know who you are. By the time you read this, I hope you have already felt better. Give yourself some more time to calm down and move on. I know very often it's easier said than done... life is indeed short. No point harbouring so much hatred towards a person and getting yourself so distressed. Focus on what you have been blessed with and be happy ok?..
5 comments:
that's a v encouraging poem, esp the last part. duno why, but somehw it juz strike me...
Marina,
although this friend is not me.But I like your poem.You know about my problems and this poem seems to match to a big T.
I will remember this and try my best to it.
if the problem can be solved by money, then it is not a problem
actor Liu Ching Yun once said in the movie "unforgettable", the worst problem in life is separation by death. Yes it is a problem money cannot solve. For everything else, there is a visa.
Give and take in life. There is nothing to lose.
I do not agree with "the enlightened one" (aiyo! Why don't wanna use your real name?) that there's a visa for everything else except separation by death. There are many different types of losses in life and of course life after death of a loved one is one great loss. Some places do not accept visa even if you have one, and at times you may not be able to find an atm to withdraw money when you need it. There are definitely many different types of losses in life, and it's a matter of how one manages them and how one grows from them. Some people like you may be able to cope fine whereas there are definitely some who are still struggling with their losses. Not everyone is so lucky. I also believe that the perception of loss differs across individuals. Anyway, I do hope that those people around me are doing fine..
Thanks pal for the poem! I am very touched for bearing me in your thoughts.
I will be fine. Will hang in tight as I know no point making my husband in dilemma, for I love him so much.
Thanks again Pal!
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