It's All Too Late

I still the remember the strong toilet scent at SGH whenever Mum's hospitalized at Ward 72. I could suddenly smell it around me for several hours yesterday afternoon even though I didn't visit the toilet at TTSH (I believe the washing detergent used for the toilets is the same across all restructured hospitals) during that time. The smell lingered and I smsed Rina about it. She believed it could be Mum and that Mum wanted to remind me to take coconut drink more regularly at my current stage of pregnancy!?! Well, I went "Har?"...

Anyway, thinking back, Mum and Dad had taken very good care of me all along. I still remember when I first had Greg, Mum would make sure I took the necessary tonics and Dad would go all way out to get the food I love to eat. Dad would also make sure that I had coconut water to drink whenever I visited them in my last trimester of my first pregnancy and he would drive me to wherever I wished to go. Life was a breeze then and I felt so pampered. Sigh...things are just so different now. Quite upset when I thought about it last night.

Greg woke up at 3am this morning because he wetted his pants. After changing him, I could not go back to sleep. Images of what Dad and Mum did for me kept coming to me, and suddenly I just felt like penning some of my thoughts down. There were a couple of times when I had the mood to write poems in the middle of the night but I forced myself to sleep because I was tired. I thought I could still write them down the next day but I simply lost that inspiration. Anyway, I got up from my bed, wrote the poem and was able to return to my beauty sleep again at about 4:30am. Here it is, sharing with you how I feel..

When tears started welling up in my eyes

I knew that I was thinking of something not nice

Would crying suffice?..

I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried.

I am sorry for the times that I had taken you for granted

It's not that I had disagreed with your disciplinary method

I regret not heeding some of your wise advice

For many of my bad behaviours, I sincerely apologize.

You were magnanimous and forgiving

My parents you were, forever so loving

How I wish I could cherish you more when you were around

It's all too late and I have only tasted the real loss now..

I managed to dig out a couple of my wedding pictures which have Mum and Dad in them. Both were so healthy in 2003. I really miss them so much, and all the fun events that took place at their house.. so many fond memories *sob sob* SIGH..