Good or Bad?

On weekday mornings, Greg loves to make a detour to my office in B1 then take an escalator up to level 3 before climbing up two long flight of stairs to arrive at his childcare. Level 3 is the Day Surgery Department and Greg always have this idea that any patients driven in by an ambulance would be taken to this department. This morning, he kept looking into that department, as if he was searching for someone.
ME: Hurry Up Greg. Mummy's late for work already.
GREG: Oh... ok.
ME: Who are you looking at?
GREG: Teacher Roze's brother is in hospital, Mummy.
ME: Teacher Roze's brother?
GREG: Err... no. I think it's Teacher Roze's mummy.
ME: Har? Teacher Roze's Mummy?
GREG: Yes Mummy,it's Teacher Roze's mummy. Teacher Roze is very upset you know..

I was shocked to hear these from little Gregory this morning. I do know his teacher has been going through a rough patch of late, but I have not shared the details with him. Neither do I think Teacher Roze would display her emotions in front of the young children. I really wonder how did he know his teacher was upset.. Anyway, I checked with his teacher and she said her boyfriend's grandmother was hospitalized. She added that the children and her made a get well card yesterday for her boyfriend's grandmother..Hmm...

Anyway, I thought Greg was too emotionally sensitive. I know he could empathize pretty well at his young age, and I wonder if I should be blamed for making him mature so early. I was three months pregnant with him when Mum started to become quite ill and I cried a lot throughout my pregnancy.Gregory isn't even three years old yet but over the past two years, there had been so many unfortunate events happened within my family. I believe these experiences did have an impact on him, directly or indirectly. I am glad that he understands emotions and could empathize well so young, but I am not sure if it's a good thing that he matures so quickly in this aspect..this sets me thinking if the mood of the pregnant mother does affect the personality of the baby.. what do you think?

Some thoughts..

A close relative of mine has been feeling low. She's like a mother to me, and when she called me to share her woes with me, I felt so helpless. I guess the only thing I could do is to just lend her my listening ear. She was so close to Mum that they used to share so many secrets over teleconversations. Now that Mum's gone, I could also sense that she felt lost. Anyway, Rina and I decided to take half a day off to go visit her at home yesterday. She was so delighted that she cooked so much for our lunch - there's teochew pomfret, spicy curry chicken, lotus soup and vegetables with ikan bilis. She must have guessed that Rina and I had not been having all these delicacies for some time. I love homecooked food, and have not tasted such nice foods since Mum's gone. We spent the whole afternoon with her at her house. I could feel my heart pierced when she broke down in front of us eventually. At that moment, I wondered if I had ever upsetted my own Mum before.. I think I would not be able to forgive myself if I ever witness Mum cry over some of the things I have/ have not done. Sometimes, we do not know how/ have forgotten to cherish someone until we have lost that someone. Quite sad huh?... and I suppose it's pointless crying over split milk/ feeling guilty only when the loss sets in.

Of course, when it comes to work and seeing my own patients, I am able to draw the line very clearly, and so far, I have not been emotionally affected in my job. Somehow, it's just so different when things happened to people close to me. I will get somewhat affected when I come to know that these people are feeling sad and inside me, I feel that I need to do something to help. Hmm... not good this way because it seems to me that I could only be happy if people around me who are close to me are happy..well, I guess afterall I am only a normal human being.. and I do not live alone in this world.

Thanks to Teacher Maeve!

I have lost touch with Chinese songs ever since I have Greg. I guess I now know more about Barney and Hi5 songs than any other songs. Isn't that quite sad? Nevertheless, I came across this Chinese song "Too Much" by "Chen2 Qi3 Zhen1" in Teacher Maeve's blog and I love it instantly. To me, this song could stir up many emotions and inspiration. It's also quite relaxing to hear at the end of a hard day's work I feel. Let me know if you like it too ya?

According to Teacher Maeve, the CD isn't available in market at the moment but she's kind enough to email me the html of this song before she changes her song in her blog to another of her favourite song. Heehee.. thanks Teacher Maeve! It's really nice of you! =)

Lesson Learnt: Never Assume

Last evening after dinner, Greg came to me and said he wanted to pass motion. I brought him to the toilet and put him on his kiddy cover over the adult toilet bowl. When he heard a "thud" sound,

Greg: Mummy, I passed out one already you know. Can you hear that?
Me: Yes. I can hear it.
Greg: Mummy, can I come down and see my poo-poo in the water?
Me: Well, ok..
I helped Greg down and he went "aaaahhh" when he was watching his faeces.
Me: Come on Greg, enough. Time for Mummy wash your backside.
Greg: Ok..
Greg walked into the shower area and squatted down. After washing his buttocks, I went to wash my hands with dettol at the washing basin. I noticed that he was still squatting at the shower area.
Me: Hello Greg. I have finished washing your backside and you can come out already.
Greg: Oh... ok.
Greg walked out of the shower area, and it's only then I noticed one cute lump of faeces on the floor in the area where he squatted.
Me: Har? You poopoo again?
Greg: Mummy, I never say I finish poopoo just now... Mummy also never ask me..

Well, what he said was so innocently true. Greg had only requested to come down from the toilet seat to have a look at his faeces and he didn't say that he has finished poopoo-ing. Sigh.. I guess I have also overlooked and assumed that he has completed doing his "big business" then... I should have asked him... aiyo...what a mess he has created but it isn't his fault, is it?

Stop Plagiarism

I received a sms from my cousin this morning, asking me if it's ok for her to put my poem in her blog. I am absolutely fine with that if my permission has been sought and the source cited. I have been feeling quite disturbed over the past few weeks to learn from a few friends that they have seen my poems (or poems quite similar to mine) published in other blogs. It's not that I think my poems are very good or that I am not keen to share. I really wonder how could anyone in this world use my poems, simply change some words and pass them off as theirs.. this is plagiarism ok!! It's like someone has stolen something personal from me and I sincerely hope that these people could show me some respect in this area. Sigh... I guess there's nothing much that I can do about it right?.. =(

Wish I Could Turn Back the Clock

We had dinner with my father-in-law in Punggol yesterday evening and decided to head to Compass Point after that because Greg wanted to play some games at TimeZone. KengYong, Father-in-law and Greg headed for TimeZone, whereas Yanti and I did some grocery shopping at Cold Storage. I walked past Eu Yan Sen and decided to get some Chinese herbs for my confinement period after delivery.

As Yanti and I were looking around, I saw another pregnant woman discussing with her mother the types of herbs to buy for her confinement. Instantaneously, I could sense tears welling up in my eyes and all of the sudden, I felt very down. Many thoughts rushed to my mind, and I had to slow myself down to sort my thoughts out. While waiting to make payment, the shop staff must have been shocked to see my eyes red and wet. So was Yanti. She was asking me some things and when she realized that I looked sad, she kept quiet. I was trying so hard to hold my emotions back but I noticed that I was sniffing away and swallowing lots of saliva down. Anyway, Yanti was kind enough to leave me alone and helped me carry my bags of grocery and herbs.

Well, what was wrong with me? I believe deep within me, I still miss my parents. I didn't have to worry a thing previously because I knew that with them around, they would settle everything for me from A-Z. I wouldn't forget that when I had Greg, Mum would make sure that I had a balanced meal all the time and I got to eat whatever tonics she felt necessary. Neither would I be able to erase those memories in which Pa was always buying me fresh foods and brought them all the way down to my house in SengKang during my confinement period more than once a week. Perhaps I had taken many things for granted previously, and I had not been independent enough all these years. Well, it's going to be difficult but I guess I need to remind myself that my confinement period at the end of this year will be different. Hopefully, I do not get postnatal depression. =(

On second thought, I am blessed to have such good parents for the past 30 odd years. Though I may not stand out amongst my three other siblings, I do believe they cared for us in their own ways. Pearl, being the eldest child, had been apparently the princess whom my parents most doted on. Raymond comes next. He's the only son and the one who has the highest academic achievements throughout his schooling years. Of course, he's my parents' hot favourite! Next is me. The "cry baby", as Raymond used to tease me. Just an ordinary child (though some described me as rebellious) and the only one who is left-handed in the family. Last is my little sister, Rina. A child whom my parents worried least (and she's a gem too!) because Mum believed she's generally very matured and understanding since young. She's also the one who played a major role in the care of Mum when Mum was ill. Sigh..Now that both my parents are gone, they seem so near.. but yet so far away.. *sob sob*

Another picture of me with Mum and Dad, on the morning of my wedding day, before I put on my wedding gown. I realized that I didn't have many photos with Mum and Dad when they were around.. how nice if I could turn back the clock..

My Saturday..

Greg has suddenly requested to sit on the adult toilet bowl when he wanted to pass motion this morning and yes, he managed to poo successfully without any fear.. he has been using his little potty all these while. Hurray! I don't have scrub and wash his potty anymore! Heehee. I could sense his pride in his little achievement this morning and I am also proud of him! Well done, Gregory!

We decided to go airport this morning to spring KengYong a surprise. Originally we had to attend a housewarming gathering at a friend's house, but we decided to detour to the airport first. KengYong didn't know we were at the airport waiting for him, and Greg was so thrilled when he met his daddy. I guess he must have missed KengYong for the past four days.

(Above pictures: Greg was happily waiting for his daddy and keeping a lookout for him. Pictures in the second row: Left - Greg was more concerned with the gift his daddy has got for him than anything else. Right - Greg helped KengYong manage his luggage). Hmmm... I wonder how KengYong felt about this surprise that we have sprung on him..

Well, we didn't miss the fun at HuiSan's housewarming gathering. We managed to arrive there at about 11am. Greg met some of his classmates there - Rayhan and Edna and they had a great time together. Kovan Melody is indeed quite nice place. The playground is so well-liked by the kids and this condominium has many fun pools. Last but not least, I must say HuiSan has a warm and cozy home. I had a great time there too! =)

My Saturday morning passed very quickly... *sob sob* it'd be my working Saturday next week..

Just Another Poem

Just to share with you another poem.. it's for another person whom I know. I thought you have been fighting the 'battle' well.. please continue to press on and I sincerely hope that you can get out of it soon. Do contact me if you need to talk ok?

It must have been hard for you to always put up a brave front

Especially when you are the only one who feel the brunt

It has nothing to do with whether you are at fault

This is a part of your life and focus on what you have got.

Instead of pondering over the many 'why' questions

It could be more fruitful to think about the possible solutions

Such loss can be difficult to express and describe

But you have already done your best and with all your might.

Thoughts of harming yourself and ending your life may have hit you

They are NOT your solutions, making it hard for you to start anew

Your battle still has to go on

Hang in there and you may come out of it feeling strong.

School Excursion to the Zoo

Greg was so excited about his zoo trip on Wednesday morning. This wasn't his first time going to the zoo, but it's definitely his first time with his friends and teachers there. Kengyong was supposed to accompany him for the trip but unfortunately he had to leave for Malaysia on a business trip till this weekend. Hence, I had to follow Greg along. Anyway, Greg usually doesn't care about me when I go on such school excursions with him. Unfortunately not all his friends went this time. Only 4 of his classmates (Rayhan, Kenghow, Saachi and Maevis) signed up for the trip. Nevertheless, he still looked forward to having fun with his teachers and friends there. He was always on a lookout for Teacher Roze that morning in case he was left behind at school. Even when I told him I needed to go to the toilet before we left, he kept hurrying me and was worried that everyone might leave for the zoo without us. I could really sense his excitement and anxiety. (Above pictures: Top - Greg took a picture with Saachi at the front door of his childcare centre when he spotted her. He held her hands and told her to hurry up because she arrived late. Middle - Greg, KengHow and Rayhan were waiting patiently at TTSH level 1 for the bus to pick them up. Below - Greg and Rayhan met Maevis at the zoo entrance and they decided to pose for a picture. )

One of the highlights of the trip was the mini workshop, in which the children could learn about some small animals and go really up close and personal with these animals. Greg was not keen on touching the chinchilla at first but upon witnessing Rayhan do it, he decided to give it a try. He was so excited after a stroke on the animal and told me that the 'chin chin' is so soft and furry. See picture below.

The heat yesterday morning was unbearable. I was perspiring profusely while dragging my feet along. We went to watch the elephant show (I think it's Greg's fifth time watching it). He remained excited about it, because he told his friend Saachi enthusiastically what to expect next in the show. Greg loves watching the elephants use their trunk to carry the long, heavy logs.
Greg: Mummy, you see, the elephants are so strong...
Me: Ya. Do you know why elephants are so strong?
Greg: Why?
Me: They eat lots of vegetables and fruits you know..
Greg: I also eat vegetables and fruits Mummy. Am I strong, like the elephants?
Me: It'd be nice if you can eat more vegetables Greggie..
Greg: Mummy, if I eat a lot a lot of vegetables, will my nose grow so long and strong, like the elephants?
Me: Of course not, silly boy.
Saachi's mum was laughing away while I was trying to explain why his nose wouldn't grow longer even if he consumes more vegetables.

We had our kfc lunch after watching the elephant show. Above photos: Left - Greg and Saachi were pretending to be prisoners behind bars while waiting for their lunch. Right - Rayhan, Greg and Saachi were holding hands and running about after their lunch. The kids were generally full of energy and we went on to look at some other animals (e.g., baboon, tiger, hippo). Soon it was time we had to head back to the childcare centre. Most kids were so tired that they napped in the bus. Greg remained very awake throughout the journey back, and took his nap at school whereas I had to return to work for the other half of the day. Picture below - Greg was waving goodbye as we were waiting for our turn to board the bus.

It was a tiring day for me but an enjoyable one for Greg I believe..

A Poem for a Friend

A friend of mine has constantly been in a conflictual relationship with her mother-in-law and lately she emailed me a very long letter ventilating her frustrations. I believe it takes two hands to clap in any relationships, and many times it's difficult to really tell who's right and who's wrong. Of course, I would offer my friend as much support as I could, hoping that she would feel and cope better.

I had (and still have) my fair share of woe in close relationships though I do not have a mother-in-law now. I believe misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable in almost all human interactions. I can't seem to forget hurtful incidents but I suppose I have forgiven and moved on. As the saying goes, "Once bitten twice shy", my fears that history may repeat itself remain. I must say that I am not courageous enough to take any form of risk to get myself hurt currently because I know if things were to happen again now, I will not have my mum and dad to turn to. I do not wish to get myself caught in that kind of situation. Or maybe I have become less brave and gungho with age? I am not sure..

Anyway, here's a little poem for my friend who's still struggling with her problems.

Sometimes I sit and stare
I wonder if life is really so unfair
Is it a matter of my perception
Or of myself and people around, I have a certain level of expectation?

I have now learnt to do what I can in my designated role
Pursuing my unhappy past can be quite a toil
Though you may feel that you are never in the wrong
Your spouse may not understand, hence making your relationship less strong

There are things in our life we can't change and control
Grudges we bear, it may be better to let them go
I know it's going to be tough but try to be forgiving
It's only then that your life may have more meaning.

Hey pal, you know who you are. By the time you read this, I hope you have already felt better. Give yourself some more time to calm down and move on. I know very often it's easier said than done... life is indeed short. No point harbouring so much hatred towards a person and getting yourself so distressed. Focus on what you have been blessed with and be happy ok?..

Can I Help You Draw?

I laid on my bed to rest, and Greg joined me yesterday evening. Suddenly, Greg witnessed my tummy move vigorously and he quickly flipped open my shirt.
Greg: Mummy, your tummy is moving..see..
Me: Ya.. Didi is moving inside.
Greg: Ooohh... Mummy, why is there a brown line on your tummy? (pointing to the linea nigra)
Me: When you/ Didi are inside Mummy's tummy, Mummy will have this line.. (trying to explain that it's part of pregnancy)
Greg: Did Daddy draw the line? ...Why did Daddy draw the line Mummy?
Before I could explain..
Greg: Because your tummy moves and it's painful?? Mummy, is your tummy still painful? I help you draw another line can?
Me: ???
Then Greg ran off and came back to me with a brown colour pencil..
Greg: Or Mummy, I help you draw circles on your tummy since your tummy is so round?..

Inside my heart, I went "Oh no!". I explained to Greg one more time but I doubt he has understood what I was trying to tell him. Anyway, knowing that I disallowed him to doodle on my tummy, he ran off to ask Yanti if he could doodle on her hands... Aiyo!

My New Fashion Consultant

I have been rather sick of putting on my maternity pants and top every morning when going to work. This morning, I decided to try something new. I wore a sleeveless ethnic Indian brown top and an outer dress-like garment over it. I did think I looked weird but I thought it was quite fun dressing up this way. Walked to hubby while he was brushing teeth and he nearly got himself choked with the thick colgate in his mouth. Asked him if I looked funny, and he replied 'a bit'. I gave him a disappointed look and immediately he said, "ok lah!". So happily, I skipped to the kitchen to have my breakfast.

Greg woke up at about 7am this morning. I heard him calling me so I walked into his room.

Greg (looking puzzled but didn't seem fully awake): Mummy, why you wear like that?

Me: Like what?

Greg: You look very funny you know... *greg smiling away*

Me: I look funny?? Not nice you mean?

Greg (nodded his head): Not nice. Go change Mummy. Go.

So sad... in the end I decided to change into my usual black top and pants. So solemn and not creative at all... but Greg upon seeing me in my usual working clothes, he said, "Mummy, now you look nice". Hubby laughed at me for listening to Greg. Well, I guess at least Greg was honest in his comments... hmmm... now when I think about it, since when did Greg become my fashion consultant??!! Hmmm..

Greg's New Hairdo

Hubby returned to Singapore on late Saturday night. When he woke up the next morning, he commented that Greg's hair has grown longer and more messy. Greg's a very active boy and he perspires profusely whenever he carries out any physical activities. His hair will always be very wet, as if he just has it washed. Hubby and I decided to get him go for his haircut on Sunday morning.

Me: Greggie, we are going to bring you for a haircut ok?
Greg: No. I don't want.
Me: But your hair is so long and Daddy says your hair looks messy you know.
Greg: Mummy, are you going to cut your hair?
Me: No.
Greg: But Mummy, your hair is so long! Mine is shorter than yours. See... (pointing to his own hair)
Me: You are a boy so it'd be neater for you to have short hair. Mummy is a girl. Girls can have longer hair.
Greg: Why Mummy? Can I be a girl? I don't want to go for my haircut..
Me: ????

Anyway, we brought Greg to a $10 haircut shop at Compass Point and he looked quite apprehensive while waiting for his turn. He requested to sit on my lap when his turn came. He teared at the beginning but stopped after a very short while. When he saw his hair shaved, he exclaimed, "Mummy, see... I have no hair now". I had to reassure him that he still has his hair but it's just very short now. It was only after the hairdresser told him he looked good then he started smiling. He was so happy that he said he wanted to tell his form teacher (Teacher Roze) and friends about his new hairdo. I guess the hairdresser must have boosted his self-esteem quite a fair bit! Heehee. He also happily posed for me after his haircut in the two pictures above.

Wet Hari Raya

It was a cool Hari Raya morning. Rina, LiPing and I decided to bring our kids to the new Jacob Ballas Garden located at Bukit Timah. Greg and Ryan were so excited when we arrived at the garden but I must say I was quite disappointed with the place. Perhaps it was extremely crowded on a Saturday morning. The treehouse was so filled with kids and many young kids came down from the covered slides crying away. Yanti took the slide and felt that it was too steep for very young children. She even had some abrasions after taking the slide. I thought there should be some safety signs indicating the minimum age for children to use the slides.

The garden itself was so small that we couldn't find a comfortable place to put our picnic mats and for the kids to play with balls, bubbles and badminton. In addition, the constant morning rain also dampened our mood for a fun picnic there. We did manage to take some photos, but I doubt I would be returning to this garden again so soon. Above photos: It was such a challenge to take a snapshot of the four kids together and making sure that they looked at the camera. The first photo was taken in a small manmade cave with a mini waterfall. We were hiding from the rain then. The second picture was taken at the suspended bridge when Ryan and Greg were running across it. The picture below was taken when we were hiding (from the rain again!) near the classrooms where the covered area is. The kids rested there and had a mini biscuits feast before they took out their watercans to collect the rain (because there's nothing else they could do when the rain was so heavy).

Though we didn't do much at the garden, Yanti, Greg and I felt so tired after our lunch at Paragon. Greg and I brought Yanti to Sakura for dinner after our nap that day, partly to celebrate Hari Raya with Yanti. I believe it wasn't as fun as the atmosphere she had in Indonesia with her family on this very day, but I do hope that our presence and effort had made her feel less home sick.

It's All Too Late

I still the remember the strong toilet scent at SGH whenever Mum's hospitalized at Ward 72. I could suddenly smell it around me for several hours yesterday afternoon even though I didn't visit the toilet at TTSH (I believe the washing detergent used for the toilets is the same across all restructured hospitals) during that time. The smell lingered and I smsed Rina about it. She believed it could be Mum and that Mum wanted to remind me to take coconut drink more regularly at my current stage of pregnancy!?! Well, I went "Har?"...

Anyway, thinking back, Mum and Dad had taken very good care of me all along. I still remember when I first had Greg, Mum would make sure I took the necessary tonics and Dad would go all way out to get the food I love to eat. Dad would also make sure that I had coconut water to drink whenever I visited them in my last trimester of my first pregnancy and he would drive me to wherever I wished to go. Life was a breeze then and I felt so pampered. Sigh...things are just so different now. Quite upset when I thought about it last night.

Greg woke up at 3am this morning because he wetted his pants. After changing him, I could not go back to sleep. Images of what Dad and Mum did for me kept coming to me, and suddenly I just felt like penning some of my thoughts down. There were a couple of times when I had the mood to write poems in the middle of the night but I forced myself to sleep because I was tired. I thought I could still write them down the next day but I simply lost that inspiration. Anyway, I got up from my bed, wrote the poem and was able to return to my beauty sleep again at about 4:30am. Here it is, sharing with you how I feel..

When tears started welling up in my eyes

I knew that I was thinking of something not nice

Would crying suffice?..

I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried.

I am sorry for the times that I had taken you for granted

It's not that I had disagreed with your disciplinary method

I regret not heeding some of your wise advice

For many of my bad behaviours, I sincerely apologize.

You were magnanimous and forgiving

My parents you were, forever so loving

How I wish I could cherish you more when you were around

It's all too late and I have only tasted the real loss now..

I managed to dig out a couple of my wedding pictures which have Mum and Dad in them. Both were so healthy in 2003. I really miss them so much, and all the fun events that took place at their house.. so many fond memories *sob sob* SIGH..

What an Achievement!

Last night, Greg, Yanti and I went out for dinner at Compass Point. I "gave" Yanti a day of MC to rest yesterday because she looked really unwell. We drove round the carpark at Compass Point several times but still we couldn't find a slot to park our car. Greg grew somewhat impatient.

Greg: Mummy, there's no space for you to park the car?

Me: Yup. I am still looking. Perhaps you can help me spot one?

Greg: Hmmm... Mummy, I push one car out and let you park ok?

Me (Looking puzzled): Push one car out?

Greg: Yes, I eat vegetables in school today you know. I have strength to push one car.

Me (laughed): Oh really?

Greg: Mummy, you stop your car somewhere. I will get out and push one car out so that you can park.

Me (agreeing to his request because i wanted to see what he would do): Ok. I have stopped my car. Which car would you like to push out?

Greg: *Paused for a while* Ok... JieJie, you go push that white car out. I wait here with Mummy..

Yanti and I burst out laughing... I think he enjoys solving problems for adults, regardless of whether the solution is feasible or not. I thought he's just so funny..

At his childcare centre this morning, Greg suddenly told me that he had wanted to pass motion. Not wanting to force him to sit on his school's toilet bowl, I gave him an option to either sit on the toilet bowl or I would put on his pull-up for him. He decided to give the former a try. And yes, he succeeded in passing motion into the toilet bowl, and he felt so proud about it. He quickly got up from the seat and counted his faeces happily.. he even said, "see Mummy, my poo poo is floating in the water. I need to flush them away because they are so smelly!" I guess he has not developed any aversion towards toilet bowl but it's just a matter of when he's ready to use it for passing motion. I know he still doesn't like to use the toilet bowl at home because it's too high for him. I suppose I shall let nature take its course, and when he's ready, he'd be ready I believe. Just wanna say, "Good job Gregory!! Mummy is so proud of you!" =)

Cry Baby

This morning, one of Greg's teachers, ZhangBin LaoShi told me that Greg has been crying over the slightest thing. For instance, his pull-up overflowed during his nap, and he laid on his tummy on the floor, refusing to move because he did not want to let anyone know that his shirt was wet. His form teacher was on leave, and a new teacher (T. Lia) took over. Apparently, the new teacher brought the kids somewhere, and Greg continued to lie on the floor. ZhangBin LaoShi went up to him and when Greg realized that ZhangBin LaoShi knew about his wet shirt, he cried. She had to calm him down, and kept telling him that it's ok. I really wonder why he cried because at home if he were to wet the bed or his shirt when he woke up, he would just say, "Mummy, the shirt is wet. Can you change me?". Maybe he felt embarrassed people know about him wetting his shirt?? Or perhaps he was worried about getting a scolding from his teacher?

Another crying incident has got something to do with him eating vegetables in school. Apparently, if he could not finish his vegetables, he would cry. ZhangBin LaoShi believed that Greg knew he was supposed to finish his plate of vegetables and if he didn't, he might get some not pleasant remarks. Hence, she planned not to reprimand him if he tried but could not finish his bowl of vegetables during lunch. Sigh.. Greg's in this period whereby he refuses to eat vegetables. He used to love them so much, and I hope it's just a phase that he's going through.

Well, these incidents reminded me of my past, when I was young. I cried over the slightest thing in school because I would get anxious if I knew I could not complete something successfully and I was expected to perform. I disliked doing things wrong and I remembered that I enjoyed being in adults' good books most of the time. Thinking back, I believed I cried because it's partly my way of coping with anxiety, and partly I knew it's one good way the adults/ teachers got to know what's bothering me. Aiyooo... I hope Greg isn't like me..because I didn't like this part of me.

I still remember when I was in Primary school, the teacher mentioned something about penalizing us 5 cents for every arithmetic sum we got wrong. I got panicky because I knew my parents would check the amount of pocket money I have left everyday, and I worried about doing my maths wrongly. I was so anxious that I cried. Quite funny when I think back. The teacher came to me, brought me to a corner and asked me why I cried. I told her my concerns, and she said, "silly girl, teacher is just joking with the class!". I felt relieved after that. Hmmm... my teacher must be thinking why I am such a cry baby, and now when I think back, I thought the teacher's method to get the class do the work correctly was so ridiculous! Or maybe I didn't know how to differentiate between what was a joke and what was for real then... well, no one cried except me. Wonder if Greg inherits this characteristic from me... oh no! =(

What a Way to Start my Tuesday!

KengYong is away on a business trip to Jakarta this week. He would only be returning to Singapore on Saturday night. Yanti falls sick. Unsure if it's because she's too sad about her sister's departure over the weekend. Greg's a little cranky because he has developed some cough and blocked nose at night and in the morning. I got Yanti to rest (because she looks quite sick) and I tried to manage most of the things on my own. Waaah.. really had a taste of what it's like as a "single parent"! How I wish I am not pregnant now! Being heavily pregnant makes it even more difficult for me to cope.

Anyway, Greg complained about having blocked nose this morning. I gave him a dose of actifed syrup and off I drove to TTSH. Half way through the journey, he started crying and screaming that he couldn't breathe. You can imagine how panicky I was then. I was trying to be cautious on the busy road while I was ensuring that he's fine in his car seat behind. My goodness. Immediately I off the aircon in the car to make it slightly warmer for him but he kept whining and crying. I suppose all these behaviours of his would probably make his nose even more blocked. Luckily we arrived at TTSH quite safely within half an hour. When I asked him if his breathing was fine, he would cry and say no. Then when I asked him if he wanted to follow me to my office (a place where he loves to go), immediately he said he could breathe and he wanted to go office with me! *aaargggh* I did feel somewhat frustrated.

When we arrived at Greg's childcare, it was about 7:45am. I changed him into his school uniform, and he said he wanted to pass motion. Greg never like poo-ing into the toilet bowl in school. I don't know why. However, I thought it's a good time for me to "overcome his fear/ dislike" towards his school's toilet bowl. I was with him, reassuring him when he told me "his faeces is hard and his hole is painful". Greg has not been taking fruits for the past two days because of his cough. Anyway, he said he didn't feel like eating fruits. I believe that's why his poo was hard. He refused to sit on the toilet bowl eventually after a few tries and he couldn't force his poo out. In the end, Greg requested to have his pull-ups on. He asked me to sit down, and he held onto my knees supporting himself. He was pushing his poo out till his face was red and he was perspiring profusely. I tried encouraging him by saying "push push push".. and finally at 8:10am, he stood up looking tired and said, "Mummy, my poo poo is out!". Waaah.. first time I felt like I was his "gynae"! Hahaha... and his "baby" was indeed hard and in a shape of a big ball... think I have to get him to drink more water and perhaps take some fruits such as apples tonight.

Gynae Checkup Today!

I went for my 8th month growth scan and gynae checkup at KKH this afternoon. KengYong is away in Indonesia and I was so worried while waiting for my turn. I felt so relieved when the sonagrapher told me my baby is ok. However, baby's estimated weight now is 2.6kg! Oh my gosh! This baby is huge! The first thing that came to my mind was how I am going to push the baby out if he's going to be so big. Greg's weight is average at birth hence I never expect myself to have such a big baby. Gynae assured me that baby and I would be ok since my OGTT results showed that I didn't have gestational diabetes. Hmmm...I guess I have to trust what my gynae's words right?

During my last gynae checkup which was a month ago, the baby weighed only about 1+kg. I expected his weight to be around 2kg today hence I was very taken aback when I was told that he's actually now about 2.6kg. I almost fainted. He grew so fast and fortunately, my own weight increment over the past one month is only 0.7kg! Heehee.. so I supposed everything that I have consumed over the past one month went mostly to him! Anyway, most importantly, the baby must be healthy. Just hope that the birth process would be a tolerable one.. *keeping my fingers very crossed*

By the way, KengYong and I are still thinking of a name for our baby boy. I would be delighted if you could give me some suggestions... thanks..

"Who Says I Don't Understand?"

Greg didn't fail to check on Yanti's emotions even after he woke up from his nap in the late afternoon yesterday. He kept asking Yanti if she's still sad. Greg even went to tell a neighbour about it when we walked past our neighbour's house, and I could not stop him on time. I guess he continued to pursue the matter because Yanti did not give him any response. Finally, when we were out for dinner, Yanti told Greg, "JieJie is not crying anymore".

Greg went, "Oh JieJie, I know why you cried just now you know. Romsiyah JieJie goes (went) home. Her house is very far away so she has to take aeroplane go home. You cry (cried) because Romsiyah JieJie is no more here. If Romsiyah JieJie never come back, you can take aeroplane to go see Romsiyah JieJie what?! You don't have to cry ok?.." Waaah... when I heard that, I nearly "fainted". Well, I guess Greg did understand what I was trying to tell him. Perhaps he's trying to problem-solve for Yanti.. and he wants Yanti to be her cheerful self again.

Farewell to Romsiyah

Mum had a maid with her for about three years. Her name is Romsiyah. She's 25 years old this year. To me, she is a good helper. Not only had she looked after my mum reasonably well (I believe many other maids would have resigned because Mum needed a lot of care), she also cooked well and kept the house generally clean. Mum loved her and taught her many of her secret cooking recipes during those three years. Mum passed away and I know Romsiyah was emotionally affected. She moved on to work for Raymond for a few more months after Mum's demise but in the end, she decided not to extend her work permit and return to Indonesia.Today is the day we sent her off at the airport.

Daryanti (Romsiyah's sister and also my current helper) was devastated when she heard about Romsiyah's departure about two days ago. She had wanted to celebrate Hari Raya with Romsiyah but was upset that Romsiyah chose to leave before Hari Raya arrives. This morning, Raymond, Rina, I and our families met at Terminal One for breakfast before we bid our final farewell to Romsiyah. Inevitably, Daryanti was very affected. She kept tearing at the airport. Greg told me he's upset to see Daryanti was upset. He couldn't quite understand why Daryanti cried. Neither could he comprehend why Romsiyah has to take aeroplane to go home whereas he usually takes the car home. He had lots of "Whys" and I knew he was very puzzled.

Greg: Mummy, why is JieJie (referring to Daryanti) crying?
Mummy: Romsiyah JieJie is leaving so Yanti JieJie is upset. That's why she cried.
Greg (puzzled): But why? Mummy, why?
Mummy: Well Greggie, it's like when you cannot find Mummy you cry. Yanti JieJie now cannot find Romsiyah JieJie because Romsiyah JieJie has gone home so Yanti JieJie cries.
Greg: Ohhhhh....
Mummy (feeling relieved that he has finally understood)
Greg: But Mummy, Romsiyah JieJie later will come back, just like Mummy. So why Yanti JieJie must cry now???
Mummy: *Faint* as Greg still didn't know Romsiyah would not return though we have explained so many times. To him, Romsiyah is part of the family I believe.

We were on our way home. Greg's sitting with Yanti at the back of the car while I was driving. Greg kept looking at Yanti and asked, "JieJie, are you still sad? Are your eyes still painful?". There was no verbal response from Yanti and I could not see if she nodded or shook her head because I was driving. Anyway, when we got off the car, Greg said, "Mummy, JieJie has stopped crying already. I think JieJie is happy now." Though there are some concepts I know Greg couldn't quite grasp, I do think he's a very sensitive boy who could empathize very well. Hmmm.. don't know if it's a good thing or not because he seemed to get quite emotionally affected easily.

I hereby wish Romsiyah all the best in whatever she does. I have also heard from Daryanti that Romsiyah is returning to Indonesia to get married. I feel so happy for her, hence got her a pendant and a necklace. I really hope that all goes well for her and that she's happy with her choice. The above picture is the most recent photo I have which has Romsiyah in it. She's with Reuben, and the face between Romsiyah and Reuben belongs to Daryanti. Goodbye to you, Romsiyah. Suddenly I have this strange feeling that one of my major life chapter has just been closed. I still can't forget those times Romsiyah stayed by Mum's side in the hospital. Thanks Romsiyah, for all that you have done...

Tummy Big or Small?

I am now 8 months into my pregnancy. So far so good, but I tire very easily. Everyday when I reach home after work, I wouldn't hesitate to rest on the bed after my bath. Waaah.. I could really feel my body melting into the mattress! I notice that I feel a lot more exhausted now as compared to my first pregnancy when I had Greg. Perhaps it's due to my age or maybe because I have to keep an eye on Greg at home. Of course, it could also be a combination of both. Often I feel guilty that I have not been able to engage in much play with Greg simply because I was too tired. He's also kind enough to let me rest on bed and would look for his daddy/ our helper to play with him. I must say Greg has been pretty considerate..

I do have bad backaches, and I feel as heavy as a buffalo. Sometimes when I walk, I feel I am so clumsy. How I wish the baby is out soon, but I am also concerned about whether I could cope with the two boys at home. Sigh. I guess I just have to take one step at a time and deal with the situation as it comes. How nice if Pa and Ma are still around. At least I know I have someone whom I can rely on if I really need their help.. *sob sob* Now I have to do everything from A-Z all by myself.. it's going to be tough but I suppose no matter what, I have to go through it.

Many people has commented that my tummy is huge. Maybe it is. That's why the physical strain on me is so significant. Interestingly, yesterday one of my patients (who's a teacher and has been seeing me every fortnightly to sort out some of her issues) told me that she was shocked to only know I was pregnant about two weeks ago and I am already so advanced into my pregnancy now. She commented that my tummy was too small and reminded me to eat more. Hmm... I wonder if her judgement is accurate because she's the only one who thinks my tummy is small. Anyway, about an hour after her appointment with me, I found her pacing about in front of my clinic room door. She bought soyabean milk for me and asked me to drink so that my tummy and baby can get bigger!!!??? Hmmm.... how strange. Anyway, I didn't accept the drink (usually I do not accept gifts/ things from patients). She asked me why, and I gave her the reason (and a very silly one! Ha!) that my gynaecologist has advised me to have only a cup of soyabean milk one day and I have already drank one cup in the morning. I know it's a nonsensical excuse I have cooked up, but well at least she accepted it and went off drinking the soyabean milk herself. Heehee.

Yesterday, I was curious about the way people judge the size of my tummy, so I decided to take a picture of it and look at it myself. Hmmm... what do you think? ... Well, so long as my gynaecologist never flash any red light/ flag, I guess I should ok..

Not Another Injury Please..

Greg looked quite glum when I went to fetch him from childcare over the past two days. Two days ago, he had a fight with a little Malay boy a month younger than him in class. Apparently that boy was holding onto a storybook and in the midst of the argument, he used that storybook to hit Greg on his forehead. A slice of Greg's forehead skin came off, and the wound was quite raw. When I fetched him at childcare two days ago, he came to me pointing at his forehead and said, "Mummy, Ismail used storybook and hit me here. So painful you know." His form teacher has also informed me of the incident.

Apparently, Greg went to scratch the skin off yesterday when the wound healed and his teacher had to plaster it as the blood was oozing out. Greg was again upset when I went to fetch him at childcare yesterday. He complained to me sadly, "It's all Ismail's fault.. I am upset with Ismail. See... now I have to put plaster on my forehead!" I could sense his anguish and anger.We had a little discussion on what he could do the next time he gets himself into another fight. Well, I guess it's going to take Greg a little while more to be on good terms with Ismail again..look at how unhappy he was in the photo above!

Remember the last time Greg asked me why an old lady used an umbrella even when it wasn't raining at all? Well, yesterday I was amazed that he was trying to apply what he has learnt from my that conversation with him. We were in the car. I was driving and he sitted in his car seat behind. Weather was extremely hot yesterday even in the evening.
Greg: Mummy, where's my umbrella? I need my umbrella..
Mummy: Why do you need an umbrella for in the car?
Greg: It's hot here. The sun is on me.. I want to use my umbrella to cover myself. It's too bright and I don't want the sun to shine on me..
Mummy: ??? But you are in a car ... !!!????
Well, he's right that an umbrella can be used both on a rainy and a sunny day.. hmmm..

Am I Strong?

Over the past two years, I received streams of condolences and encouragement. From friends, colleagues and relatives. I know they meant well, but frankly speaking, I was given the impression that the chain of unfortunate events that had happened to me for the past two years were not common and could only be seen in TV drama serials. I guess it was just so coincidental that one sad event happened after another. But anyway, I did feel odd.. and tired then. That feeling wasn't pleasant at all.

Now I receive smses or emails from friends and relatives sharing with me their losses (e.g., abortion, death of their loved one, how sick their loved one is etc). I am uncertain if they chose to confide in me because I am a clinical psychologist or that they feel comfortable sharing with me something that I have gone through it myself. By the way, I am absolutely fine with people sharing their emotions and thoughts with me. Afterall, that's what friends are for. What struck me is that many commented that I was strong. Strange.. I have never ever perceived myself as someone who's emotionally strong (remember, my brother has always said I was a 'cry baby' since young?). Neither do I think the events that had happened to me would/ have strengthened me in any way. As I was thinking back how I have coped over the past two years (and I am still adapting!), a little poem popped into my mind..

I am ordinary, like all other human beings
Just someone with own thoughts and feelings
Each time a sad event happens
Like you, my mood surely dampens.

Deeply into my heart, it may cut
I know I have to help myself to get out of the rut
People around may show their concern and say they understand
Very often I wonder if they could really comprehend.

I don't think I am someone who is strong
It's probably that I do not wish my life to go wrong
I have seen people with problems many times worse
It's time I should move on and not think it's a curse.

I have learnt to count my own blessing
Just have to pick myself up even if I keep falling
How I want my life to be
I guess no one can run it except me..

Does it Run in My Family?

Greg was so happy yesterday when we gave Edna (his classmate) and Susanna (Edna's mummy) a ride home. Greg and Edna were so delighted with each other's company that they held each other's hand and walked happily to the car. What a sweet pair! The three of them sat behind, chatting away and having fun. I passed some sweets to Susanna while I was driving and told Greg that he could only have one. Edna asked for another sweet when she had finished hers, and Susanna gave her. When they gave another sweet to Greg, he said, "No, I don't want. Mummy said I can only take one sweet!". Susanna was impressed and was commenting how sensible Greg was. Hmm.. I wonder if Greg is really so mature, obedient and sensible!.. though I must admit that I was "giggling" in my heart then.

Somehow, his behaviour does remind me of Edwin - Greg's oldest cousin. If you were to look at the picture below, he's that boy whose lap Greg sat on. Edwin is only 11 years old this year but I must say this young boy has always been very sensible, clever and mature. He's also Mum's favourite grandson, and the grandchild who's most affected by Mum's and Dad's demise. Hmmm... who knows, maybe being sensible is a characteristic that has been passed down in my family??..heeheehee..hope this isn't just a phase for Greg!

Picture above: It was taken at Raymond's house when we had a makan gathering. Greg's with all his cousins from my side. From left - Reuben, Raymond, Ryan/ Xian, Regine, Roy, Edwin and Greg. Greg loves this photo because it has all his cousins in it. He has enjoyed all the meet-ups with this group of cousins and the kids would usually have a wild time together. It's a no wonder that Mum and Dad loved to have the children and grandchildren down at their place. I still remember that Mum enjoyed watching the grandchildren play hide and seek at home and would laugh non-stop. Sigh.. it's a pity that Mum and Dad are no longer around. Otherwise, I believe they would love this lot of grandchildren immensely..

Sensible Greg!

Yesterday, while Greg and I were in a cab on our way home..

Mummy: Greg, what did you have for your snack time at school today?
Gregory: Waffle with ice-cream.
Mummy: You had ice-cream? Thought Mummy say you'd better not take any cold stuff because you started coughing last night?
Gregory: Mummy, I didn't want to eat the ice-cream but Teacher Eryvinna gave it to me. Teacher Eryvinna dunno I have cough..
Mummy: Well Greggie, you could have told Teacher Eryvinna that you have cough and she could give you a waffle without the ice-cream you know..
Gregory: But I have already told Teacher Roze what..

I thought Greg ate the ice-cream yesterday and he blamed it on the teacher who gave him the ice-cream and didn't know that he has cough. Anyway, Teacher Roze (his form teacher) told me this morning that Greg appeared very upset when served the ice-cream by Teacher Eryvinna yesterday. Greg did tell Teacher Roze that he has cough and he had been instructed not to consume cold things but he refused to let Teacher Eryvinna know. So Greg was indeed telling me the truth... and Oops, I have wronged him because he didn't touch the ice-cream at all. Come to think of it, I must say he's quite a sensible and obedient boy isn't he... but I wonder why he only communicated his problems to his form teacher and not to other teachers..

My Childhood Memories

"Jik Lang Jik Puah, Gum Qing Buey Suah

Jik Lang Jik Su Ku, Gum Qing Jia Eh Gooh.."

This Hokkien song was played in FM93.3 a few of days ago, and I don't know why, I keep humming it to myself till today. I guess the lyrics are pretty catchy though I have never really fancied Hokkien songs. Just in case you do not understand Hokkien, it means "if each takes half, our relationship would not split. If each takes a quarter, our relationship would last long". Haha.. very the "or bit" and my Hokkien is "puah tang zui" (meaning not good) so pardon me if my translation isn't accurate. Ahem, afterall, I am a Teochew..

Now I shall dedicate this song to my beloved brother (he called himself "choo hood" as he's the only son in my family... very precious one. Just like when we open up a durian, he's that only one big seed). Haha... why I dedicated this song to him because he felt that he was always dragged into "hot soup" whenever I cried during our childhood days. Hmm...frankly speaking, I don't remember those incidents though.

Of course, there are some childhood memories which I have kept with me. Some examples would be those when Mum went after me with a cane. Find these memories hilarious whenever I recall them. Once, I hid inside the toilet when my mum armed with the cane and came charging towards us after a quarrel broke up between my siblings and I. Thinking that toilet is the safest place (because I locked the toilet door), I relaxed myself by sitting on the toilet bowl, humming songs and waiting for the commotion outside to die down. I had a shock when Mum managed to kick open the toilet door...aiyo! Imagine the shocked face I wore when I saw Mum standing outside the toilet with the cane still in her hands, huffing and puffing away after the door was knocked down. Mum made sure that she found all of us and gave us our rightful dessert.

There was another time when I hid under the table but I pee-ed because I was so afraid. And yes, that brings me to another funny incident. Rina and I used to have our pretend play in a big, brown cupboard. We were pretending to take a bus ride because there was a pole over our heads in the cupboard. We would open the cupboard door when there were "bus-stops" and close the door when the bus moved on. Mum hated us play this game partly because she's concerned that we might get ourselves suffocated in the cupboard with the door closed I think. Once we heard Mum shouting for us, and the two of us were so scared that we quickly closed the door. Mum found us hiding in the cupboard and needless to say, she caned us. The two of us were crying away and at the same time, laughed about it because we felt that we have "da1 cuo4 che1" (taken the wrong vehicle). I still remember there was this popular show by "SuRui" called "Da Cuo Che" then. Heeheehee.

Thinking back, these moments seemed fun but quite "dangerous". Fun because it's like playing "hide and seek" with Mum! Haha. I guess Mum probably didn't enjoy such fun! Pa wasn't the disciplinarian in the family. Most of the time, he would only threaten us with the cane, but I still remember he gave Raymond a tight slap on his face once. I think Pa must have felt quite hurt after that because I know he's someone who hardly lays his fingers on us. Come to think of it, Mum was usually generous with her cane strokes, but strangely I didn't remember her caning any of her grandchildren before.. How nice if the "time out" method is introduced earlier! Haha..