Still Can't Let Go..

One relative of mine sms-ed me to say that she read my blog (especially those on my parents) and she cried. I felt sad instantly. I felt sad because it triggered my sad memories. Even now when I attempt to read my older posts, tears start welling up in my eyes again. It has been five months since Mum has left. I may have moved on with my life superficially, but deep down inside me, there's still this strong streak of sadness. It has never been easy for me to let things go.. I am probably just waiting for time to heal my emotions. Anyway, I just want to apologize to those who have been upsetted by my blog or if my entries have made you cry. I really didn't mean it.

A few days ago, I had a mid 50s female patient who saw me in my clinic. I just thought that she's one of those who are so fortunate. She has a perfect family (including both her elderly parents, husband and three grown up sons) and her life has been smooth sailing until her mother-in-law died sometime mid this year. It's the first time she experienced the loss of a loved one and the first time she saw a dead body. I know it's not possible but how nice if everyone experiences losses only at a later stage of their life. Or maybe it doesn't make any difference. I don't know. On the other end, I have a friend (about the same age as I) who has had lost her father-in-law, mother and mother-in-law within this year. The deaths of her in-laws were sudden. I also wonder how she and her husband cope.. well, I believe there are worse cases in this world.

I am not trying to compare here, but I believe everyone has their own lives to lead and our lives are so different from one another. Though I miss my parents terribly (sometimes I even deceived myself that they went on a very long trip to somewhere. How silly right?), I try not to engage in self-pity and hopefully, yes hopefully one day I could move on "fully" with my life.. Honestly speaking, I just can't help but to envy people at my age who still have both parents/ at least a parent with them.. well, I am just not one of the fortunate ones I guess.