Just So Tired

I have been feeling pretty exhausted and down of late. Things just didn't seem to be going very smoothly for me. Somehow I know Mum's trying ways to let me know that she's still around and she'd be with me spiritually. Greg spotted Mum one day while I was driving, and Greg told me he ever saw Mum visiting my house one day. I don't know how true his words and sightings were but I take comfort in that Mum's with me.

We went to Mum's house on QingMing to do our prayers. I was the first to arrive, dragging my two boys along on my own. I was slinging Gareth with his pillow while holding Greg's hand to walk to Mum's house. Somehow I couldn't find Gareth's pillow when we arrived at her house and I thought I could have left it in the car or dropped it on our way to Mum's house. Raymond arrived next and I asked if he saw Gareth's pillow on his way. He said no. He helped me keep an eye on Greg and I ran down with Gareth to look for the pillow. It wasn't in the car so I decided to take the same path which I took earlier to walk up to Mum's house. Interestingly, I couldn't find it till I arrived at Mum's doorstep. It's just right at the doorstep! Neither did Raymond nor I see such a big thing on the floor! My goodness! The floor outside Mum's house is pretty bare and clean with nothing at all. Amazing isn't it? How could I miss it when I left the house to look for the pillow. It's just lying right in front of the gate!... well, I choose to believe that either Mum or Dad is telling me that they are still around.

I have a bad day today. Not only is the maid driving me up the wall, Greg's still not eating proper foods for the past one week. Paediatrician said he's perfectly fine and has no medical problems at all. I have tried all sorts of methods (e.g., using positive reinforcements/ rewards, time out, coaxing him and even limiting his milk intake to maximum 1 litre as instructed by the doctor) but to no avail. Today, I went down really hard on him. I hit his buttocks with my bare hands so hard that now my fingers sore. He made me prepare some food and in the end he told me he didn't want it because he wanted something else!! I was so so mad. Anyway, I was also thinking of stopping him from his Gain IQ till he starts his solids again. I have also stopped his junkfood intake (e.g., choc, sweets) and he starts choosing what he wants to put in his mouth and what he doesn't want. Neither did he want Pediasure.Sigh. He could really make me boil and upset..I do feel very very tired. I guess I am not suitable to be a full time stay at home mother.