To My Mummy with Love..

Life has its ups and downs. I noticed that I have more downs than ups since dad's passing in June 2006. So sudden and his demise ripped my heart apart. About a month later, I had to undergo MTPT because my second baby had a dysplastic cycstic kidney which was dislocated. Things didn't get any better even when I found out that I was pregnant again in April 2007. Mum's condition just deteriorated. I lost her in June 2007. Just slightly before dad's first death anniversary. I really miss them so much. Still having a hard time grieving over so many losses. One after another. Sometimes I feel so numbed whereas there are also times when I can be so overwhelmed with emotions.

Eventually, I tried to pen my thoughts and feelings down in poetry format whenever strong emotions hit me. I shared some of these poems with people around and MuiJoo asked me why not start a blog and save my poems in it. I do worry that I may not have the inspiration to write poems all the time. But well, on second thought, perhaps it's one good way I could save all my poems. It's not necessary that I have to write poems all the time. I could always write about my lovely 2 year old Gregory and his little brother who's going to bounce onto earth at the end of this year! So here I am, after much hesitation and procrastination! Heehee.

I have been feeling pretty low lately. Not sure if it's due to my hormonal change during pregnancy. In the night, I would suddenly think about mum and dad, and I know my confinement this time will be very different because there isn't anyone who will fuss over me. Anyway, I came up with a poem when a sudden wave of emotions hit me this morning. Here it is and just to share this with you.. a poem dedicated to my mummy who's always so strong and brave! How I wish I could be as courageous as her..

I still remember the night you could last open your eyes

You looked around without any rest despite many tries

How I now regret that I didn't stay longer

I didn't know then that I would lose you forever

Your illness is indeed one that's hard to fight

You were so brave to take it on with all your might

I could sense your distress when pa was gone

You did try to move on and remain strong

How I wish you and pa are still around

Everything is so so different now

We have stopped playing 'fish red fish' and 'gerami'

But the fun and memorable moments would be kept with me.

It'd be nice if you both could be near

So that I know there is nothing I need to fear

It's really not easy to let you both go

Especially with the dear memories I still hold..