Fast pace fast pace...

Gosh.. it has been a long time since I last logged in. Almost forgot my blog address even! It's already the third month in 2009! So many things have happened... Gareth has turned 15 months, and Greg is now 4 years old! How time flies. Gareth is now walking quite independently, saying several one-/two- words. His favourite word now is "Maaaaaah meee". Heehee. Greg has grown too, both physically and cognitively. His reasoning skills have definitely sharpened and there are times I do think he can make quite a good lawyer in future. hmmm...

Myself... busy busy busy. Busy with work. Busy with my 3 boys. Work wise, I am happy so far. Good to be busy.. or at least feel busy because the economy these days are really no good. I have to even give retrenchment and resilience talks to certain companies apart from seeing more people with stress-related issues in my clinic... hopefully my job is a recession proof one. Yup yup.. appeared on the Chinese talk show in February. Gosh... glad that it's over. Think my Mandarin is really not up to standard, and oh well, some people said I have too high expectations of myself.

Oops... my two boys are calling me.... gota go. gosh... pace of life is really going a bit too fast...

Am I overprotective?

Greg has been refusing school for the past few days because his favourite teacher (T Roze) took a short vacation to Malacca to celebrate Hari Raya. He got really upset at night just before bedtime, begging me not to bring him to school the next day. I tried probing further and he claimed that some of his school teachers would request him to eat vegetables. Well, Greg has been refusing vegetables no matter how the teachers and I tried (e.g., making his dish look interesting etc). I was so tired of trying that I decided to give him and myself a break. Interestingly, he may eat up those vegetables served if no one nags at him. Apparently, some of his teachers tried encouraging him to consume vegetables by focusing on the benefits of eating vegetables. As Teacher Roze knows him too well, she has not been forcing any veges down his throat. Neither has she been "nagging" (that's what greg called it) about it. He disliked people keep talking about the issue, and because he is a socially desirable boy, he may force himself do something he does not want to do, just to make the other person happy. You see, somehow his behaviour makes his other teachers think that their "verbosity" works and it maintains their behaviour, whereas Greg at the other end, feels upset about having to do something he doesn't want. This boy isn't assertive enough and very often, he gets upset with someone without the person knowing that he is upset with him/ her.

Well, anyway, Greg got really upset on Sunday night. He knew T Roze would not be in school on Monday. He cried and refused to sleep. I had a chat with him after tugging Gareth to bed. He said one of his teachers wants him eat vegetable. I did explain to Greg that there's nothing that the teachers could do if he really refuses to eat vegetables. He said he didn't like them talk and nag about it in class. Anyway, in the end, he was agreeable to go to bed when I promised that I would inform that teacher not to mention anything about eating vegetables in class. The next morning, as usual, he got very upset when he arrived at school. I didn't want to stay long in the premise because the longer I stay, the more he would whine and cry. Hence, I just left the message (about that teacher)with the teacher whom I handed Greg over to, and walked off quickly.

Interestingly, when I picked Greg up that evening, I had this very strong feeling that that teacher would come and clarify things with me. Probably because I somehow know the character of this teacher. True enough it happened. I was glad that she did confront me about Greg's complaint. What really hit me wasn't her clarification. She reminded me of my past. I still remember sharing with my parents about a particular teacher when I was very young. The things I shared were very true, but my parents were generally very protective of I I believe. I didn't expect that they would go straight to the principal about the issue. What happened was that the information was cascaded down to the teacher I spoke to my parents about. Unfortunately that teacher came up to me and threatened me. I got quite frightened. I felt extremely upset. I was angry that my parents told everything to the principal. I was merely sharing with them my day at school. Never did I expect them to act on my complaints. I knew I was not wrong about that teacher but I certainly didn't like that look in her eyes when she confronted me. Well, somehow I was wondering if I did wrong here, in Greg's case. I did as what I have promised him, to reassure him. And in the hope that he could sleep for that night. But on the other hand, I did not wish that he would experience what I used to go through. Perhaps I was too quick to act on his words. I was not trying to single that teacher out. I was trying to reduce his anxiety but I could appear as an over-protective parent. If not done well, I believe I could even hamper his ability to stand up for himself. Anyway, just some thoughts that went through my head. And if you ask me now, I think my parents did that, thinking that it was the best for I. It's just that they would not expect the teacher came looking for I..

Cousin's Wedding Dinner

It was my cousin's wedding yesterday. It was nice of him to have invited my whole family to his dinner at Bliss Garden, located at Expo Hall2. Told him that I needed 3 adult chairs and 2 high chairs because I had to bring my maid and two boys along. Well, he was kind enough to say "No problem!". Yesterday evening was a mad rush for me. I had to prepare the 2 young boys and Greg was dillydallying. I kept hurrying him and I left with less than 10 minutes to prepare myself. I put on my gown and was applying make-up in my room when Greg came in and asked.
GREG: Mummy, why you said hurry hurry and now you are doing painting?
I simply ignored him and he went..
GREG: Mummy, I am talking to you. Why are you painting your face? Be quick. We are late.
ME: I am not painting. I am putting on make-up. Mummy has to put on make-up because it's uncle's wedding.
GREG: Uncle??
I ignored him again, refusing to entertain his questions any more. I was really hardpressed for time. I applied my foundation, powder,concealer, blusher, mascara, and finally I put on my lipstick. As the dinner is a night event, I felt that I had to put on the makeup thicker. This time when I applied my lipstick,
GREG: Oh no! Oh dear! What happens to your lips now?

Well, Greg really made me wonder if my makeup skills are damn bad. Perhaps it's just that he has rarely seen me in thick makeup. Anyway, I packed toys in his bag, hoping that I could distract him and make him sit still during dinner.

However, when we arrived there, I realized that the table I was allocated to was shockingly packed. Rina and I were only given 4 adult seats (Rina needs 2 adult seats and 1 high chair for Regine). We were thinking how to squeeze in one more adult chair and 3 high chairs. Greg and Gareth then started to get a little cranky, and I thought I really stuck out like a sorethumb. The table was really too small (even for 10 adults!) so I doubt we could squeeze in more chairs. I looked around the ballroom.. pretty jam packed and I didn't want the host to look bad (because I wonder if there were not enough tables and seats in the ballroom. Anyway, they were quite busy... understandly because it's my cousin's big day). So in the end, I decided to leave and Hubby supported my decision. At least my sister and her family can settle down on that table comfortably. Kekeke.. she can represent all of us mah! Anyway, I do hope that together with my angpow, deep down in my heart I sincerely wish my cousin and his wife a happy married life is enough. We left and my family had dinner at east coast instead! It turned out to be quite an enjoyable outing still, as the kids stopped complaining and were cranky no more. It is indeed not easy bringing kids out for such an occasion but one thing I missed doing was to go round and chat with my other cousins and relatives. It seems ages since I last saw them.

A Fun Get-Together

Sri was Greg's infant care teacher. She left the infant care centre for Perth to pursue her studies more than a year ago. She emailed me the other day to say that she is returning to Singapore for 2 weeks and I seized the opportunity to meet up with her. Well, Sri was fasting and she requested to meet during her break fast in one of the evenings. I have two very active boys and because I know I will have difficulties sitting down to have a proper chat with her for more than an hour with the two boys around, I got her to come to my house for dinner instead. She readily agreed, and what was amazing was that other ex-infant care teachers joined us for the gathering too. Mabel (Gareth's nanny) and Meifang came along, and that evening was so much fun. Greg has a classmate (Edna) who stays near my place, and her parents could also bring her and her 4 month old brother over that evening. We had so much laughter and I had a good time catching up with all of them. Greg was of course the happiest because his good friend Edna came over to play with him.

I then realized that with my two boys, it is quite impossible for me to meet friends and people up for dinner on a weekday night. But well, the gathering at my place that evening was great... at least to me. I think I should organize more of such gatherings at my house.

It's My Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to MEeeeee..

Happy Birthday to ME!

My birthday falls on the day after Teachers' Day. Usually Mum made sweet long noodles with eggs for I on this very day. No such luxury now. Anyway, I had no intention to celebrate it at all because KengYong has been pretty busy with his work and his coming examinations. Well, unexpectedly I had quite a good time on my birthday this year. First, Rina gave me a very pleasant surprise when I brought my boys to meet her and Regine for dinner at BottleTree Park on 01 Sept. It was our usual meet-up over a meal and we had quite a sumptuous meal at the Chinese restaurant there. I then brought restless Greg, Gareth and Regine to the playground, and when we returned to the restaurant, to my surprise, Rina bought me a nice cake from Angie. She told me the reason she got me the cake was because the cake was named Nana! Well, as usual, Greg was very excited about the birthday cake and requested to eat Nana's eye and mouth. Frankly speaking, I was pretty touched by Rina's gesture.

On my actual birthday itself, I also received many unexpected birthday greetings. I really did not expect so many of my old pals to recall my birth date. When I fetched Gareth home, Teacher Mabel gave me a surprise pizza treat at her house. Wow!..and in the evening after my dinner at home, Raymond and his family suddenly popped by my house with an Angie cake! Kekeke.. I get to eat 2 Angie cakes this year. Aren't I fortunate? Thanks to those who remember this very day. .. and yes, I know. I am now a year older. Sigh.

Why Chinese Shouldn't Have Christian Names?

Something funny to share with you.. on why Chinese people shouldn't have Christian names..

Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dust
Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Fry eggs
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor Fella
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird lays eggs
Lynn Tan (Mandarin) - Zero
Walter Mah (Mandarin) - My mum
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mum
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Charles Sun (Hokkien) - Stale

The list really tickled me. Hope it will brighten up your day just as it did to mine. =)

Blackout!

It rained suddenly last night at 10+pm, when I was watching Mr. Bean vcd with Greg and Gareth was asleep in the room with KengYong. We saw lightning and heard a loud thunder roar, and our television went "pop" - off! Greg had a scare and he hopped onto my lap. The whole house was in darkness, and my first thought was "oh! blackout." I looked across our block and saw the households with lights on still, so my next thought was "blackout in my just my entire block". I opened the house door and saw my neighbour's lights still on, my subsequent thought was "I must check my house's switch box". Because Greg was holding onto me like a koala bear, I got KengYong to check on the switch box. He went but we didn't know what happened and thought maybe we would get things checked the next day since it's already quite late at night.

Originally, I only knew the lights and electricity went out but what didn't come across my mind was that our fridge would also not be functioning. I was horrified only this morning when I opened the fridge... boohoo... my expressed breastmilk is in the fridge!! Neither did we sleep well last night, with the windows closed due to the heavy rain. The boys were used to sleeping in aircon room or at least with the fan on. Last night, Gareth woke up at 2am with sweaty hair and refusing to return to sleep till 4+am. Greg also woke up several times to tell me he's afraid of the thunder and lightning. Aiyo. I couldn't use my electric pump to express my milk either because there wasn't any electricity in my house. The worse thing was the Gareth didn't want any milk this morning when I latched him on.My breasts were so engorged and I was also concerned about a drop in my supply.

Called PUB this morning and they said it's not their problem and they advised me to get an electrician instead. Called for an electrician, and he said he would be at my house at 10am. I quickly sent Gareth to nanny with my ebm and then rushed home to wait for the electrician, whereas KengYong drove Greg to childcare. 10am came but the electrician wasn't here. Fortunately, my neighbour is on leave and she said she could help me with this problem. Wow! We finally found the root of the power trip problem, and halellujah! lights and electricity returned! I was so happy. I managed to reach the electrician, and guess what?he wasn't even on his way to my place yet! Anyway, I am glad that my problem has finally been solved and grateful to my helpful neighbour. As the saying goes, "Yuan3 Qing1 Bu4 Ru2 Jing4 Ling2".

Greg's First Movie

Greg has been looking forward to watch his first movie and I thought I shall bring him go watch the KungFu Panda this morning. We were early when we arrived at Plaza Singapura so we went for breakfast at McCafe. Greg ordered a chocolate brownie but didn't want to eat, so ended up I had to finish the two cakes.Next he wanted to try popcorn. I still remember Edwin kept himself busy with the popcorn the first time he went to watch movie, and I thought if the movie didn't turn out to be interesting for Greg, at least the popcorn could keep him company. Kekeke.

Greg needs a ticket if his height is above 90cm. Well, his height is still hovering around there, I didn't get him a ticket, and also he insisted that he would sit on my lap during the show. Greg was very excited about the show at the beginning, and as usual he would ask lots of questions about the content of the movie. About an hour passed, he started to get tired and he asked, "Mummy, I think I want to switch off this big TV already. I am so tired. The show is so long..". Kekeke... well, he was patient enough to sit still till the movie ended. After that, we went to the food court for lunch, and he lamented again, "Mummy, the movie not nice..next time we don't go for such long movie ok?"kekeke... however, I do enjoy the show somewhat. Afterall, I have not watched a movie for a few years already! =)

Fish Tank

Got my maid to wash my fishtank the first time, and I was horrified to see them all dead the next day. However, to my surprise, there were plenty of baby fishes swimming around. I didn't know my fishes were pregnant. I doubt all three were pregnant but I had absolutely no idea how they died. I thought the mummy fish could have died after giving birth to so many baby fishes (bled to death?). As for the other two adult fishes, I thought perhaps one tried to eat the babies, whereas the other attempted to protect them,hence they had a fight and both died as a result?


There were about 50 baby fishes altogether. My neighbour's son dropped by my house and was excited when he saw the fishes. I gave him about 15 baby fishes, another 10+ fishes to Greg's teacher, 9 to Raymond and I kept the rest. This is the first time I start rearing fish from the infant stage. Kekeke... hope these fishes are hardy enough to continue growing... and yes I may need to change my tank to a bigger one soon. =)

Mother's Day

Dear Ma,

It's Mothers' Day again
This day brings me lots of memories and pain
Remember our surprises that brought you close to tears?
Losing you had been one of my greatest fears.

Last year this time we sprung you another surprise
I wonder if you know but so loud were our cries
Time simply flies so fast
I still find it hard to let go of the past.

I didn't understand your frustrations when I was little
I didn't know life as a mother without help can be so bitter
Now I know being a mother isn't easy
Thanks for having given me a home so warm and cozy.

I have been feeling so lost since you were gone
For your presence has always been longed
Mum, you had been my greatest hero
I really regret that I had not told you so.

Lots of Love

Na..

Mothers' Day is never the same for me, now that Mum is gone. I feel very sad when I see the Vesak Day decorations in the temple near my home. It brings me many sad memories and rekindles my fear of losing my loved one. When Dad died suddenly, I rushed down to NUH in a cab. When Mum died, I drove down quickly to SGH in the middle of the night. Both require me to travel down the tunnels. I hate the tunnels. I dislike going through it. It took me quite sometime to be able to use those two tunnels without tears. Time flies. One year has passed. Just wanna say to Mum, "I really miss you. I am sorry that I have upsetted you so many times throughout my 34 years with you. "

A Small Adventure!

I had a shock when I saw a little bird in my kitchen this morning! It stood there motionless for some time, so did I! LOL! At first I thought it's injured or dead, but when I used a "teck goh" (bamboo stick) to touch the bird, it flew around my kitchen. I had a fright! At that point of time, I didn't know what to do because Gareth was crying away (he's sleepy) and I couldn't chase the bird out. Neither could I use insecticide, and if I were to call KengYong, I doubt he'd return home immediately to help me. It flew round the kitchen till I couldn't locate it at all. So in the end, I decided to put Gareth to sleep first. I knew the bird is still somewhere around the kitchen because I could hear it chirping away. After Gareth napped, I armed myself with two "teck gohs" this time and tiptoed into the kitchen. Eventually I found the bird on my stove hood. When it realized that I knew its whereabouts, it slipped down from the hood and finally, with my "er mei strokes with the two teck gohs", the bird made its way out of the kitchen window. I felt so proud that it left my house with no injuries. But sigh, it has poo-ed on some of my utensils! =(

Maidless Me!

I have gone "maidless" for two weeks. I am still alive and kicking but feeling somewhat exhausted. It's indeed not easy to juggle housework with very young kids. I hardly have had any rest, day or night. Hence, there hasn't been much chance for me to do any updates on my blog. What a shame! So many thoughts and emotions I had but I couldn't pen them down right on the spot. Right now I have just finished most of the housework and since Gareth is napping, I thought I should quickly log in to update my blog. Hmmm... I shall start off with Gareth first..

Gareth is now 5 months old. He's now grabbing almost anything that he could get hold of. When he sees a toy he likes and even if Greg is playing with it, he would flip onto his tummy very quickly and snatch it from Greg. There was once I went Kiddy Palace with Gareth in the sling. I wasn't aware that he grabbed a tube of fruit pastilles at the counter when I was making payment for those other things I bought! Another thing about Gareth is that he simply adores and idolizes Greg. Even when Greg treats him badly at times (e.g., throwing soft balls at his face). Gareth would giggle and laugh over small things that Greg does, even when it's not funny.

Greg has lost quite a bit of weight. Now weighing about 13.5kg. He has become very choosy with food and refusing foods that he didn't want to eat. At first I thought he had hfmd because of his food refusal and he could go without food for two full days! Anyway, now he's starting to eat again, but would eat those things that he likes. Greg loves Gareth and he helps me with Gareth at times (e.g., talking and playing with Gareth, singing Gareth songs, throwing diapers), but afterall he's a kid and he likes attention too. When we focused too much on Gareth, Greg would do some things to hint to us that he's neglected. For instance, when I was commenting on Gareth's cap (used to be Greg's), Greg snatched it from Gareth and put it on his head despite the fact that it's too small for him (see picture above).

Besides the usual sibling "fights", Greg still very much want to be a big brother. There was once I was about to feed Gareth his cereal,

GREG: Mummy, Gareth wants me to feed him. You can rest first.

ME: Huh? How did you know Gareth wants you to feed him?

GREG: I asked him just now..

ME: But Didi cannot even talk! How did you know he wants you to feed him? Also, you are too young to feed Didi..

GREG: I am a big boy already Mummy. I can feed him! Just now I asked him and he said "mmmm", so I think Didi tells me he wants me feed him.

ME: ???.. well, ok. 1 mouth can?

Greg nodded. I did let him feed Gareth 1 mouth. Greg's happy and Gareth seemed excited to take that one feed from Gareth! =) Gota go. Gareth's awake!

Have To Learn To Keep My Cool!

Suddenly I kinda pity my current maid. I don't know why but I have been snapping at her of late. Of course over things that she did wrong. For instance, I asked her help me play with Gareth for a while this morning, and before she left the room, she knocked Gareth's head against the door! Arrrgh!

I realized that I seemed to be screaming at her the whole day. It's no good for her and myself I guess. I get angry with her easily maybe because I have already planned to send her back. Or maybe because I am still upset over the incidents that happened on the first two days she started work at my place. Otherwise, she does housework robotically fine. I know she isn't an easy maid. Neither is she submissive and timid. So I was wrong in my judgement when I first saw her. Yup! Never judge a book by its cover. She's now pretty careful in her movements at home and if I were to scold her, she would talk back at times still. I guess she may not be suitable in my household, she may do well in other households (e.g., those angmos who allow their maids to do things their way and to talk back).

Yesterday I got maid to play with Greg at Fidgets when I had to breastfeed Gareth. After we left the place,

Greg: Mummy, JieJie never sleep is it?

Mummy: You mean JieJie never sleep last night?

Greg: Ya. I think so. Just now when JieJie play with me at the playground, she says she's tired and she doesn't want to play anymore.

Mummy: JieJie told you she's tired and doesn't want to play?

Greg nodded.

Mummy: JieJie last night slept even earlier than you. And even more than Mummy. Not possible for her to have not enough sleep.

Greg: Ohhh... then why is she so tired?

Mummy: I don't know. Maybe she doesn't like the playground.

Greg: I like the playground you know Mummy. Maybe we come back next time with Daddy and JooYi. Just leave JieJie at home..

So I guess Greg doesn't seem to like Maid at all. However, when KengYong and I were around, she seemed to be better in playing with Greg (e.g., fixing train tracks, building lego etc) now. Maybe she's just pretending. I don't know. Anyway, we are just waiting for more biodata from our agency before we choose our next replacement maid. Hmmm..maybe it's better to go maidless..so frustrating and if this goes on, I think I will age very fast. =(

What Would You Do?

New maid arrived at my house on 08 Apr evening. She appeared timid and not sociable at first sight but I am quite ok with such qualities. I briefed her on her duties and allowed her to sleep at about 930pm that night. She woke up at 630am the following morning.On the first evening, she attempted to open door to someone standing at the door. I stopped her, indicating to her the dangers of letting strangers into the house. However, on 09 Apr afternoon, I heard someone press the doorbell. I was changing Gareth's soiled diaper after he poo-ed, and when I stepped out of my bedroom, I was horrified to see two strangers smiling at me and standing in my dining room. Maid didn't inform me that she had opened door and when I confronted her, she argued that these two persons claimed themselves to be people checking on the aircon. I got very upset with her because she didn't seem apologetic at first and she didn't think that she was in the wrong.

On her second night, she went to bed on her own accord at 9pm. I was out with Greg for a while, whereas Gareth was asleep and KengYong on the phone. KengYong said maid didn't ask him if she could sleep early and he didn't even know the maid has gone to bed already.Anyway, I woke maid up. She could spell out those duties (e.g., ensuring there's enough hot water in flask, throw rubbish etc) that she needs to fulfill before she sleeps and when I questioned her if she did all that, she could simply reply not yet. Arrrghhhh! I never expect her to be so daring on the second day..

I got quite upset with her "no big no small" attitude too. For instance, she would choose to wear my slippers even though her shoes were beside mine! Or after drinking her water, she prefers to put her cup (unwashed) beside mine! Last but not least, after washing her utensils, she would place them above ours (though I gave her a proper place to put hers) and letting the water drip down. I am so so angry.

Neither did she seem to have experiences with babies and young kids (as stated in her biodata). She freaked out when Gareth regurgitated his milk and she seemed to find it a chore playing with Greg.Greg told me he didn't like her.

Well, apart from all these, she has her strengths. She could understand English generally better than most Indo maids and she learns things fast. She did change somewhat after the first few days and she seemed more tamed now. However, I have this feeling that her change may be a temporary one. Her true colours may reappear after her loan is cleared. I am not sure. Sigh.. I am now in a dilemma if I should simply change for another one. She's now trying hard to do things right, and being more involved in playing with my two boys.

If you were I, what would you do? Would you change for a new helper immediately? Or would you observe her for another couple of weeks? On what basis would you change her? I do feel pretty insecure with her at my house because I don't know what she would do when there's no one at home. I do not even feel safe to leave my two boys in her care alone for 5 minutes with me out of the house. Sigh!

Well, she may be on her toes now. Just now I got her to keep an eye on Greg while I put Gareth to sleep. Greg, as usual, would play quite crazily. He was throwing pillows on the floor, jumping here and there etc. I went out to peep.. maid went "zerk zerk" and giving Greg some angry look (as if he's giving her extra work to do) but when she saw me, she quickly said "GorGor, don't be so naughty ok?" in a very caring tone. Ei year..I think she can be quite angelic when I am around... I really dare not imagine what would happen if KengYong and I were not present. Hmmm... or am I worrying too much over nothing??..

Just So Tired

I have been feeling pretty exhausted and down of late. Things just didn't seem to be going very smoothly for me. Somehow I know Mum's trying ways to let me know that she's still around and she'd be with me spiritually. Greg spotted Mum one day while I was driving, and Greg told me he ever saw Mum visiting my house one day. I don't know how true his words and sightings were but I take comfort in that Mum's with me.

We went to Mum's house on QingMing to do our prayers. I was the first to arrive, dragging my two boys along on my own. I was slinging Gareth with his pillow while holding Greg's hand to walk to Mum's house. Somehow I couldn't find Gareth's pillow when we arrived at her house and I thought I could have left it in the car or dropped it on our way to Mum's house. Raymond arrived next and I asked if he saw Gareth's pillow on his way. He said no. He helped me keep an eye on Greg and I ran down with Gareth to look for the pillow. It wasn't in the car so I decided to take the same path which I took earlier to walk up to Mum's house. Interestingly, I couldn't find it till I arrived at Mum's doorstep. It's just right at the doorstep! Neither did Raymond nor I see such a big thing on the floor! My goodness! The floor outside Mum's house is pretty bare and clean with nothing at all. Amazing isn't it? How could I miss it when I left the house to look for the pillow. It's just lying right in front of the gate!... well, I choose to believe that either Mum or Dad is telling me that they are still around.

I have a bad day today. Not only is the maid driving me up the wall, Greg's still not eating proper foods for the past one week. Paediatrician said he's perfectly fine and has no medical problems at all. I have tried all sorts of methods (e.g., using positive reinforcements/ rewards, time out, coaxing him and even limiting his milk intake to maximum 1 litre as instructed by the doctor) but to no avail. Today, I went down really hard on him. I hit his buttocks with my bare hands so hard that now my fingers sore. He made me prepare some food and in the end he told me he didn't want it because he wanted something else!! I was so so mad. Anyway, I was also thinking of stopping him from his Gain IQ till he starts his solids again. I have also stopped his junkfood intake (e.g., choc, sweets) and he starts choosing what he wants to put in his mouth and what he doesn't want. Neither did he want Pediasure.Sigh. He could really make me boil and upset..I do feel very very tired. I guess I am not suitable to be a full time stay at home mother.

Quick Update

I have been so so busy for the past few weeks that I didn't have time to update my blog at all. Maid suddenly dropped me a bomb on 24 Mar when we were having lunch at Centrepoint that her dad wanted her to go home for good after her elder sister (Romsiyah) gets married. She even gave me a deadline and told me that she has to be home by 18Apr! She's not even with me for a year though she has cleared her loan already. I was quite taken aback because upon questioning about her intention to leave, she said KengYong scolded her on 23 MAr and threatened to send her home! Apparently on 23 Mar, Greg doodled on the leather carseat when we were out and maid did nothing to stop Greg or to tell us (we were sitting in front!). KengYong got so angry and after scolding Greg, he scolded the maid but she said she didn't see!?!Anyway, I decided that I couldn't keep this maid for long because she acted very pathetic and lethargic after telling me that she wanted to go home. I felt very cheated because it was only later that I realized that she had it all planned. She requested to buy some new clothes and hairclips weeks before and then even went to the dentist to have her teeth done and well-polished (though dentist said her 'toothache' didn't seem that bad). Well, it doesn't pay well to treat her so well I thought. Quite upset because after she left, Greg was very much affected for at least a week. Besides having to juggle Greg's emotions and the two boys (in fact three, including KengYong), I had to do housework. Not easy especially when KengYong went on a business trip the whole of last week and Greg came down with some digestive problem during mid-week. Come to think of it, I really wonder how I managed the whole household last week. But well, I survived. New maid just arrived last night and yup, I have to start from scratch when it comes to training her up. I do feel quite frustrated at times because I thought she's pretty slow in her work, and she couldn't quite engage in activities with my two boys. Maybe I should give her some time to adjust, and perhaps I shouldn't judge her too early.

Okie. An update. Gareth is now 4 months old. Just started him on cereals (for fun only) though he's still fully breastfed. He's a darling, and he loves Greg a lot. Greg is getting more difficult to manage. He verbally challenges me at times, and would find ways to press my buttons. I could see that Greg has made some cognitive progress - he's indeed pretty creative in building ships, buildings, cars, trains etc using lego blocks. He has also started drawing nice stick figures, beautiful sun etc. I thought he's a lot more artistic than I! Above are some recent pictures of my two boys.. cute hor?

As for KengYong, he's still the same. He is quite busy with work and always has to travel. I went through a bit of rough patch about two weeks ago when my ex-boss accidentally/ deliberately (I don't know!) sms-ed me a nasty note. Quite upset when I received it and it took me a while to really put those words behind me. I didn't know she could be so unsympathetic and nasty towards me. Well, life has to move on.

My neighbour has also just given birth to a baby girl! I am so happy for her. I could smell the aroma of those confinement food that she's taking. Her dad (who's also my dad's childhood friend) drops by everyday to bring her fresh food from the wet market for her confinement lady to cook. Apparently her confinement lady came out late but my neighbour was lucky. Her mum stood in and looked after her, her newborn and now she's helping my neighbour take care of her 2 year old daughter so that she could do her confinement in peace. She's so so lucky.. *envy envy*. She may be leading a fortunate life but she may not see it that way.. well, I may not be that lucky but I think I need to count my blessings too. There may be some things people envy that I have and they don't possess. I guess I need to tell myself that I am also (or was) lucky in that at least I ever had very good and loving parents..

Life At Home

I kept Greg at home on Monday after his bad fall on Sunday. Unfortunately, he suddenly developed tummy flu symptoms on Monday evening. Poor fella, Greg had to suffer so much. Luckily, I have quit my job. Otherwise I really wouldn't know how to take emergency leave as I was supposed to start work on 25 Feb 2008 after my maternity leave ended.

Life as a Stay-At-Home Mum (SAHM) is indeed not easy. Sometimes I envy my friends that they still have their parents around to help out. Previously I could go down to Mum's house if I needed any help or when I wanted to find a place to really laze around. Now I can hardly rest and I have to stand on my own almost all the time. Mum and Dad knew the times I was upset... and could help me solve those problems I was stuck with. They were always the first two persons who would come to my mind when I needed to talk or ventilate my frustrations. I know they would always be there for me but well, that's in the past. I couldn't find any personal time for myself at present and yes, I do feel very tired. I love my boys, for sure, but I do feel exhausted at times. Kudos to those SAHMs who are doing well. It's a job that's harder than any other jobs. It requires one to work 24/7 and there's no salary... sigh. Well, so much for my ventilation. Yes, I promise I will try again.. and will try harder.. Hmmm.. maybe I should think of the positive aspects of being a SAHM because not many people get the chance to be one. Kekeke..

I Quit!

Gareth started his first day at infant care on 18 Feb 2007 (Mon) and I am supposed to return to work on next Monday as I have finished my 3 months of maternity leave. How time flies. Gareth was enrolled into Greg's previous infant care at TTSH. Unfortunately, most of Greg's infant teachers have left and I saw some things I wasn't too happy with at the current infant care centre. Worst is that the babies there were either down with chesty cough or have thick yellow mucus running down from their nose to their mouth. There's another baby who's three weeks older than Gareth, and oh my gosh, he's already on ventolin and some other medicine. I didn't want Gareth to land up so sick so soon, and because of the abovementioned reasons, I went to look for my boss to discuss about the possibility of taking no pay leave for the time being.

Well, my boss has not been very happy with me taking emergency leave over the past couple of years when Greg or my mum was sick, and she said she couldn't understand why I could not leave my kids with my maid when they are sick. She felt that I would always have "this problem of taking emergency leave" and she has to cover my work (which is to block my clinics). She didn't think granting me no pay leave will lead me to anywhere, and well, after a couple of discussions, I felt cornered to resign. So sad. I love my job so much but I guess I didn't have a choice. I even thought of working part-time and getting my maid look after Gareth under my father-in-law's supervision. However, on that Monday night, I brought Greg down to clinic for his 3 year old assessment when KengYong and maid looked after Gareth at home. Greg and I were not even down for an hour, we saw KengYong and maid come down with Gareth as they couldn't manage him. Apparently Gareth cried till his voice was hoarse and the two adults couldn't soothe him. Well, I guess if KengYong couldn't manage, I doubt my father-in-law would fare any better.

Anyway, I decided to throw in my letter of resignation. It was only after I have submitted my resignation letter, I saw many ugly sides of my boss. Quite upset about it. I should have quit earlier, when Mum was sick. Even on the day Mum died, I had to finish up all my cases before I left to be with Mum at SGH. Very distressed when I think back. I have slogged so hard for more than 8 years at TTSH, but I didn't seem to get anything much in return. Perhaps it's really time I should leave. I guess my next employer has to be pro-family and pro-kids. I tendered my resignation with immediate effect. Quite a big decision and it's something I have never thought I would do at TTSH. Well, time to move on for me..

Am I So Unfortunate?

I feel so tired of late. Gareth isn't sleeping well during both day and night. He wants me to carry him to sleep and once I put him down into his cot/ sarong, he would wake up immediately. However, I notice that he also sleeps longer when I put him to sleep on my tummy. Hence for a couple of days I slept together with him, with him on my tummy. Finally I decided to put him on his own tummy and I could monitor him while I do my work (e.g., watching television, reading papers, using computer). Phew! So far so good but Gareth does have his mood. There are times he's not happy sleeping on his tummy on his own. =( That's why my big eye bags never seem to disappear.

Gareth is growing fast but I notice that I am not as enthusiastic in doing certain things (e.g., taking weekly pictures of Gareath which I did for Gregory) as before. It's not that Gareth is less cute but I realize that I just didn't have the energy. Life is indeed a lot more stressful with a new addition in the family. Coupled with my lack of rest/ sleep, juggling two kids is indeed not fun. Of course, there were occasions when Gareth cried and Gregory cried even louder, I sobbed together with them. How pathetic hor? I am just not as fortunate as my friends around me. I have both my parents no more. I still remember when I first had Greg and I couldn't cope, I would head straight down to Mum's house. Mum and Dad would shoo me into my room to rest while they took over the care of Greg. I do not have such luxury now.

Sigh.. Maybe I shouldn't keep thinking it this way. It makes me feel really sad. I suppose I have been so negative because I have witnessed lately how happy my friends' young kids were when they were with their grandparents. It'd be nice if Mum and Dad are still around. I know Mum would cook nice foods for the grandchildren and Dad would teach them ABCs. Hmmm.. me and my wishful thinking. Maybe it's pretty unhealthy to keep thinking in this way. Perhaps I should count my blessings and think about what I have at the moment. Well, at least I have Yanti who did lighten my load significantly.. so I guess I am not the most unfortunate person in this world lah..

How To Manage?

It hasn't been easy managing two kids on my own. It gets pretty tough on me during those times when Greg doesn't want Yanti at all and KengYong isn't around. Undeniably, I lost control of my temper at times (especially with Greg's whining and crying) and I would give Greg a dressing down. I felt really upset after scolding him because I could see that he was emotionally affected. I did try my very best to spend as much time with him as I could but Greg wanted more. He wanted the same as before, when Gareth wasn't around. I could sense the relationship between Greg and I have drifted apart slowly. I felt quite hurt when he ran to hug Yanti (instead of I) when we fetched him from childcare over the last few days. Well, perhaps he felt hurt and rejected with all my scoldings too. I think I have forgotten to give him the positive attention when he's good and I kept jumping onto him when he did something to get on my nerves. I think I have indeed neglected Greg somewhat. Why did I say that? Some of his friends were born around his birthdate(or even later than him) and their parents have already planned for their birthday parties whereas I have been sitting on it. After receiving the smses on these birthday parties from other parents, I decided that I have to do something for my little boy on his birthday. And I must do something to bring him and I close again..

I went to pick Greg up from childcare yesterday and Teacher Roze was sharing with me about Greg's behaviour at childcare. Apparently, there's a new boy in his class and Greg wasn't happy about his favourite teacher spending lots of time with him. Greg was said to throw tantrums in school because of that. I felt quite sad when I first learnt about it. Sad because if I were Greg, not only do I feel rejected at home, I also have to go through the same thing at school. I tried talking to Greg about his situation at school but to no avail. Well, I guess I will change the home situation first instead since it's something I have more control over. I probably have to train Yanti to look after Gareth more, and perhaps I could bring Greg out alone when Gareth attends the infant care. Sigh.. it's indeed not easy to juggle two kids well on my own, but I am still game to give it another go. Wish me luck!