Oh No! Greg Has Another Nose Injury!

Greg was looking forward to meet Rina and family at Pasir Ris Park in late afternoon. I was busy talking to Rina when KengYong and Yanti were with Greg at the playground. Suddenly, I heard Greg crying away and it was only then I found out that he fell from a height and hit his nose. Both his nostrils were bleeding and because he kept saying it's painful inside his nose, KengYong and I decided to rush him to KKH A&E. He has hurt below his nosebridge all the way to his nose tip. Remember his two previous nosebridge injury which resulted in his nosebridge fracture?.. sigh. I seriously do not know why he kept hurting his nose. Now he looks like a rednose reindeer. Even Greg himself had a shock when he saw his very red nose in the mirror.

This accident brought back some memories for me. I still remember I was with Ma at SGH when she was quite ill. She suddenly opened her eyes and cried, "Nah! Quick save Gregory. He has climbed so high and he's going to fall..". I thought Mum just had a dream or that she's being delirious so I just tried calming her down. She then chided me for chatting with Rina and not wanting to save Gregory. I still joked with Mum then that Rina wasn't at SGH and I didn't have someone I could chat to. Now that I think back about what Mum said, perhaps Mum did witness the bad fall Greg had. Maybe she wasn't hallucinating or dreaming. She was just being ahead of time. *SAD* when I recall those times with Mum..

Goodbye 2007

2007 has finally come to an end. I have received so many sms greetings to wish me all the best for the coming year. Don't know why, I just felt so difficult to let 2007 go. Mum's demise is still a chapter that I have yet closed. She has been gone for slightly more than half a year but in my heart, she seems to still be around. Sometimes it felt as if she had just gone on a very long holiday and she has not returned. I miss Pa too. I can't help but keep wondering how and where they are now.. I so so miss their presence and laughter. How I miss the times we were together..* SOB SOB* They are so far far away from me now.

It's Christmas

How time flies.. the year is coming to an end, and Christmas is here. Sigh.. no Christmas shopping or parties at friends' place for me this year because I am still doing my confinement. Well, I decided to hold a family gathering at my place for Christmas instead. My family always had Christmas gatherings (for fun because we are not Christians) but we stopped celebrating it when Dad passed away more than a year ago. *SOB SOB*. I could still remember Mum was lying in hospital last Christmas, and I was doing "afternoon care duty". Bought her a black sweater and she was delighted. She loved the sweater so much that no matter where she goes, she would bring it along. This year, my siblings and I gathered at my place that evening, but the atmosphere was never the same any more. The absence of my parents was still greatly felt. I really wonder how Ma and Pa are now.. I miss the last Christmas gathering my family had and I guess I will never ever have such fun any more.

"R" and "L"

I wonder if Gareth is a name difficult to pronounce. My confinement lady asked me what my baby's English name is. I told her the name but she pronounced it as "Ga-left". Sigh. Anyway, I said to her that I preferred her to call Gareth by his Chinese name.

Somehow, this reminded me of an incident years ago. At that time, Edwin was only about 5 or 6 years of age. His kindergarten teacher gave him a homework in which he's supposed to bring objects that start with the alphabet "L" to school the next day. Edwin was cared for by my mum then, but he called his mum (Pearl) to inform her about his homework. Pearl only got him a "leaf" and he was so anxious that he revealed to my mum that he needed to bring more than one object that starts with "L" to school. I still remember Mum hurriedly came to me with Edwin in the evening when I was at home to ask me if I know of any other objects that begin with "L".

ME: Hmmm... Lemon? Lime?

Mum: I know! How about Labbit?

ME: Labbit? *Was laughing then*

Edwin: Mama, "Rabbit" starts with "R" not "L"

Mum: Ohhh..

I still can recall the scene quite vividly. Well, can't blame Mum. Afterall, she isn't English educated. But I can tell you that my mum is a great woman. She tutored me (Chinese) till I was Primary School and without her, I believe I wouldn't be able to speak Teochew fluently. =)

Some thoughts..

A close relative of mine has been feeling low. She's like a mother to me, and when she called me to share her woes with me, I felt so helpless. I guess the only thing I could do is to just lend her my listening ear. She was so close to Mum that they used to share so many secrets over teleconversations. Now that Mum's gone, I could also sense that she felt lost. Anyway, Rina and I decided to take half a day off to go visit her at home yesterday. She was so delighted that she cooked so much for our lunch - there's teochew pomfret, spicy curry chicken, lotus soup and vegetables with ikan bilis. She must have guessed that Rina and I had not been having all these delicacies for some time. I love homecooked food, and have not tasted such nice foods since Mum's gone. We spent the whole afternoon with her at her house. I could feel my heart pierced when she broke down in front of us eventually. At that moment, I wondered if I had ever upsetted my own Mum before.. I think I would not be able to forgive myself if I ever witness Mum cry over some of the things I have/ have not done. Sometimes, we do not know how/ have forgotten to cherish someone until we have lost that someone. Quite sad huh?... and I suppose it's pointless crying over split milk/ feeling guilty only when the loss sets in.

Of course, when it comes to work and seeing my own patients, I am able to draw the line very clearly, and so far, I have not been emotionally affected in my job. Somehow, it's just so different when things happened to people close to me. I will get somewhat affected when I come to know that these people are feeling sad and inside me, I feel that I need to do something to help. Hmm... not good this way because it seems to me that I could only be happy if people around me who are close to me are happy..well, I guess afterall I am only a normal human being.. and I do not live alone in this world.

Wish I Could Turn Back the Clock

We had dinner with my father-in-law in Punggol yesterday evening and decided to head to Compass Point after that because Greg wanted to play some games at TimeZone. KengYong, Father-in-law and Greg headed for TimeZone, whereas Yanti and I did some grocery shopping at Cold Storage. I walked past Eu Yan Sen and decided to get some Chinese herbs for my confinement period after delivery.

As Yanti and I were looking around, I saw another pregnant woman discussing with her mother the types of herbs to buy for her confinement. Instantaneously, I could sense tears welling up in my eyes and all of the sudden, I felt very down. Many thoughts rushed to my mind, and I had to slow myself down to sort my thoughts out. While waiting to make payment, the shop staff must have been shocked to see my eyes red and wet. So was Yanti. She was asking me some things and when she realized that I looked sad, she kept quiet. I was trying so hard to hold my emotions back but I noticed that I was sniffing away and swallowing lots of saliva down. Anyway, Yanti was kind enough to leave me alone and helped me carry my bags of grocery and herbs.

Well, what was wrong with me? I believe deep within me, I still miss my parents. I didn't have to worry a thing previously because I knew that with them around, they would settle everything for me from A-Z. I wouldn't forget that when I had Greg, Mum would make sure that I had a balanced meal all the time and I got to eat whatever tonics she felt necessary. Neither would I be able to erase those memories in which Pa was always buying me fresh foods and brought them all the way down to my house in SengKang during my confinement period more than once a week. Perhaps I had taken many things for granted previously, and I had not been independent enough all these years. Well, it's going to be difficult but I guess I need to remind myself that my confinement period at the end of this year will be different. Hopefully, I do not get postnatal depression. =(

On second thought, I am blessed to have such good parents for the past 30 odd years. Though I may not stand out amongst my three other siblings, I do believe they cared for us in their own ways. Pearl, being the eldest child, had been apparently the princess whom my parents most doted on. Raymond comes next. He's the only son and the one who has the highest academic achievements throughout his schooling years. Of course, he's my parents' hot favourite! Next is me. The "cry baby", as Raymond used to tease me. Just an ordinary child (though some described me as rebellious) and the only one who is left-handed in the family. Last is my little sister, Rina. A child whom my parents worried least (and she's a gem too!) because Mum believed she's generally very matured and understanding since young. She's also the one who played a major role in the care of Mum when Mum was ill. Sigh..Now that both my parents are gone, they seem so near.. but yet so far away.. *sob sob*

Another picture of me with Mum and Dad, on the morning of my wedding day, before I put on my wedding gown. I realized that I didn't have many photos with Mum and Dad when they were around.. how nice if I could turn back the clock..

It's All Too Late

I still the remember the strong toilet scent at SGH whenever Mum's hospitalized at Ward 72. I could suddenly smell it around me for several hours yesterday afternoon even though I didn't visit the toilet at TTSH (I believe the washing detergent used for the toilets is the same across all restructured hospitals) during that time. The smell lingered and I smsed Rina about it. She believed it could be Mum and that Mum wanted to remind me to take coconut drink more regularly at my current stage of pregnancy!?! Well, I went "Har?"...

Anyway, thinking back, Mum and Dad had taken very good care of me all along. I still remember when I first had Greg, Mum would make sure I took the necessary tonics and Dad would go all way out to get the food I love to eat. Dad would also make sure that I had coconut water to drink whenever I visited them in my last trimester of my first pregnancy and he would drive me to wherever I wished to go. Life was a breeze then and I felt so pampered. Sigh...things are just so different now. Quite upset when I thought about it last night.

Greg woke up at 3am this morning because he wetted his pants. After changing him, I could not go back to sleep. Images of what Dad and Mum did for me kept coming to me, and suddenly I just felt like penning some of my thoughts down. There were a couple of times when I had the mood to write poems in the middle of the night but I forced myself to sleep because I was tired. I thought I could still write them down the next day but I simply lost that inspiration. Anyway, I got up from my bed, wrote the poem and was able to return to my beauty sleep again at about 4:30am. Here it is, sharing with you how I feel..

When tears started welling up in my eyes

I knew that I was thinking of something not nice

Would crying suffice?..

I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried.

I am sorry for the times that I had taken you for granted

It's not that I had disagreed with your disciplinary method

I regret not heeding some of your wise advice

For many of my bad behaviours, I sincerely apologize.

You were magnanimous and forgiving

My parents you were, forever so loving

How I wish I could cherish you more when you were around

It's all too late and I have only tasted the real loss now..

I managed to dig out a couple of my wedding pictures which have Mum and Dad in them. Both were so healthy in 2003. I really miss them so much, and all the fun events that took place at their house.. so many fond memories *sob sob* SIGH..

Cry Baby

This morning, one of Greg's teachers, ZhangBin LaoShi told me that Greg has been crying over the slightest thing. For instance, his pull-up overflowed during his nap, and he laid on his tummy on the floor, refusing to move because he did not want to let anyone know that his shirt was wet. His form teacher was on leave, and a new teacher (T. Lia) took over. Apparently, the new teacher brought the kids somewhere, and Greg continued to lie on the floor. ZhangBin LaoShi went up to him and when Greg realized that ZhangBin LaoShi knew about his wet shirt, he cried. She had to calm him down, and kept telling him that it's ok. I really wonder why he cried because at home if he were to wet the bed or his shirt when he woke up, he would just say, "Mummy, the shirt is wet. Can you change me?". Maybe he felt embarrassed people know about him wetting his shirt?? Or perhaps he was worried about getting a scolding from his teacher?

Another crying incident has got something to do with him eating vegetables in school. Apparently, if he could not finish his vegetables, he would cry. ZhangBin LaoShi believed that Greg knew he was supposed to finish his plate of vegetables and if he didn't, he might get some not pleasant remarks. Hence, she planned not to reprimand him if he tried but could not finish his bowl of vegetables during lunch. Sigh.. Greg's in this period whereby he refuses to eat vegetables. He used to love them so much, and I hope it's just a phase that he's going through.

Well, these incidents reminded me of my past, when I was young. I cried over the slightest thing in school because I would get anxious if I knew I could not complete something successfully and I was expected to perform. I disliked doing things wrong and I remembered that I enjoyed being in adults' good books most of the time. Thinking back, I believed I cried because it's partly my way of coping with anxiety, and partly I knew it's one good way the adults/ teachers got to know what's bothering me. Aiyooo... I hope Greg isn't like me..because I didn't like this part of me.

I still remember when I was in Primary school, the teacher mentioned something about penalizing us 5 cents for every arithmetic sum we got wrong. I got panicky because I knew my parents would check the amount of pocket money I have left everyday, and I worried about doing my maths wrongly. I was so anxious that I cried. Quite funny when I think back. The teacher came to me, brought me to a corner and asked me why I cried. I told her my concerns, and she said, "silly girl, teacher is just joking with the class!". I felt relieved after that. Hmmm... my teacher must be thinking why I am such a cry baby, and now when I think back, I thought the teacher's method to get the class do the work correctly was so ridiculous! Or maybe I didn't know how to differentiate between what was a joke and what was for real then... well, no one cried except me. Wonder if Greg inherits this characteristic from me... oh no! =(

Farewell to Romsiyah

Mum had a maid with her for about three years. Her name is Romsiyah. She's 25 years old this year. To me, she is a good helper. Not only had she looked after my mum reasonably well (I believe many other maids would have resigned because Mum needed a lot of care), she also cooked well and kept the house generally clean. Mum loved her and taught her many of her secret cooking recipes during those three years. Mum passed away and I know Romsiyah was emotionally affected. She moved on to work for Raymond for a few more months after Mum's demise but in the end, she decided not to extend her work permit and return to Indonesia.Today is the day we sent her off at the airport.

Daryanti (Romsiyah's sister and also my current helper) was devastated when she heard about Romsiyah's departure about two days ago. She had wanted to celebrate Hari Raya with Romsiyah but was upset that Romsiyah chose to leave before Hari Raya arrives. This morning, Raymond, Rina, I and our families met at Terminal One for breakfast before we bid our final farewell to Romsiyah. Inevitably, Daryanti was very affected. She kept tearing at the airport. Greg told me he's upset to see Daryanti was upset. He couldn't quite understand why Daryanti cried. Neither could he comprehend why Romsiyah has to take aeroplane to go home whereas he usually takes the car home. He had lots of "Whys" and I knew he was very puzzled.

Greg: Mummy, why is JieJie (referring to Daryanti) crying?
Mummy: Romsiyah JieJie is leaving so Yanti JieJie is upset. That's why she cried.
Greg (puzzled): But why? Mummy, why?
Mummy: Well Greggie, it's like when you cannot find Mummy you cry. Yanti JieJie now cannot find Romsiyah JieJie because Romsiyah JieJie has gone home so Yanti JieJie cries.
Greg: Ohhhhh....
Mummy (feeling relieved that he has finally understood)
Greg: But Mummy, Romsiyah JieJie later will come back, just like Mummy. So why Yanti JieJie must cry now???
Mummy: *Faint* as Greg still didn't know Romsiyah would not return though we have explained so many times. To him, Romsiyah is part of the family I believe.

We were on our way home. Greg's sitting with Yanti at the back of the car while I was driving. Greg kept looking at Yanti and asked, "JieJie, are you still sad? Are your eyes still painful?". There was no verbal response from Yanti and I could not see if she nodded or shook her head because I was driving. Anyway, when we got off the car, Greg said, "Mummy, JieJie has stopped crying already. I think JieJie is happy now." Though there are some concepts I know Greg couldn't quite grasp, I do think he's a very sensitive boy who could empathize very well. Hmmm.. don't know if it's a good thing or not because he seemed to get quite emotionally affected easily.

I hereby wish Romsiyah all the best in whatever she does. I have also heard from Daryanti that Romsiyah is returning to Indonesia to get married. I feel so happy for her, hence got her a pendant and a necklace. I really hope that all goes well for her and that she's happy with her choice. The above picture is the most recent photo I have which has Romsiyah in it. She's with Reuben, and the face between Romsiyah and Reuben belongs to Daryanti. Goodbye to you, Romsiyah. Suddenly I have this strange feeling that one of my major life chapter has just been closed. I still can't forget those times Romsiyah stayed by Mum's side in the hospital. Thanks Romsiyah, for all that you have done...

Does it Run in My Family?

Greg was so happy yesterday when we gave Edna (his classmate) and Susanna (Edna's mummy) a ride home. Greg and Edna were so delighted with each other's company that they held each other's hand and walked happily to the car. What a sweet pair! The three of them sat behind, chatting away and having fun. I passed some sweets to Susanna while I was driving and told Greg that he could only have one. Edna asked for another sweet when she had finished hers, and Susanna gave her. When they gave another sweet to Greg, he said, "No, I don't want. Mummy said I can only take one sweet!". Susanna was impressed and was commenting how sensible Greg was. Hmm.. I wonder if Greg is really so mature, obedient and sensible!.. though I must admit that I was "giggling" in my heart then.

Somehow, his behaviour does remind me of Edwin - Greg's oldest cousin. If you were to look at the picture below, he's that boy whose lap Greg sat on. Edwin is only 11 years old this year but I must say this young boy has always been very sensible, clever and mature. He's also Mum's favourite grandson, and the grandchild who's most affected by Mum's and Dad's demise. Hmmm... who knows, maybe being sensible is a characteristic that has been passed down in my family??..heeheehee..hope this isn't just a phase for Greg!

Picture above: It was taken at Raymond's house when we had a makan gathering. Greg's with all his cousins from my side. From left - Reuben, Raymond, Ryan/ Xian, Regine, Roy, Edwin and Greg. Greg loves this photo because it has all his cousins in it. He has enjoyed all the meet-ups with this group of cousins and the kids would usually have a wild time together. It's a no wonder that Mum and Dad loved to have the children and grandchildren down at their place. I still remember that Mum enjoyed watching the grandchildren play hide and seek at home and would laugh non-stop. Sigh.. it's a pity that Mum and Dad are no longer around. Otherwise, I believe they would love this lot of grandchildren immensely..

My Childhood Memories

"Jik Lang Jik Puah, Gum Qing Buey Suah

Jik Lang Jik Su Ku, Gum Qing Jia Eh Gooh.."

This Hokkien song was played in FM93.3 a few of days ago, and I don't know why, I keep humming it to myself till today. I guess the lyrics are pretty catchy though I have never really fancied Hokkien songs. Just in case you do not understand Hokkien, it means "if each takes half, our relationship would not split. If each takes a quarter, our relationship would last long". Haha.. very the "or bit" and my Hokkien is "puah tang zui" (meaning not good) so pardon me if my translation isn't accurate. Ahem, afterall, I am a Teochew..

Now I shall dedicate this song to my beloved brother (he called himself "choo hood" as he's the only son in my family... very precious one. Just like when we open up a durian, he's that only one big seed). Haha... why I dedicated this song to him because he felt that he was always dragged into "hot soup" whenever I cried during our childhood days. Hmm...frankly speaking, I don't remember those incidents though.

Of course, there are some childhood memories which I have kept with me. Some examples would be those when Mum went after me with a cane. Find these memories hilarious whenever I recall them. Once, I hid inside the toilet when my mum armed with the cane and came charging towards us after a quarrel broke up between my siblings and I. Thinking that toilet is the safest place (because I locked the toilet door), I relaxed myself by sitting on the toilet bowl, humming songs and waiting for the commotion outside to die down. I had a shock when Mum managed to kick open the toilet door...aiyo! Imagine the shocked face I wore when I saw Mum standing outside the toilet with the cane still in her hands, huffing and puffing away after the door was knocked down. Mum made sure that she found all of us and gave us our rightful dessert.

There was another time when I hid under the table but I pee-ed because I was so afraid. And yes, that brings me to another funny incident. Rina and I used to have our pretend play in a big, brown cupboard. We were pretending to take a bus ride because there was a pole over our heads in the cupboard. We would open the cupboard door when there were "bus-stops" and close the door when the bus moved on. Mum hated us play this game partly because she's concerned that we might get ourselves suffocated in the cupboard with the door closed I think. Once we heard Mum shouting for us, and the two of us were so scared that we quickly closed the door. Mum found us hiding in the cupboard and needless to say, she caned us. The two of us were crying away and at the same time, laughed about it because we felt that we have "da1 cuo4 che1" (taken the wrong vehicle). I still remember there was this popular show by "SuRui" called "Da Cuo Che" then. Heeheehee.

Thinking back, these moments seemed fun but quite "dangerous". Fun because it's like playing "hide and seek" with Mum! Haha. I guess Mum probably didn't enjoy such fun! Pa wasn't the disciplinarian in the family. Most of the time, he would only threaten us with the cane, but I still remember he gave Raymond a tight slap on his face once. I think Pa must have felt quite hurt after that because I know he's someone who hardly lays his fingers on us. Come to think of it, Mum was usually generous with her cane strokes, but strangely I didn't remember her caning any of her grandchildren before.. How nice if the "time out" method is introduced earlier! Haha..

A Tribute to Mum

I can't help but keep thinking about Mum and the past. Thanks to Greg and my siblings for triggering these memories over the past couple of days. Hmmm... or should I blame it on my pregnancy hormones, because I noticed my emotions do come in waves. I do get emotionally charged whenever I think about how different my one month confinement would be after my delivery. I would also feel upset whenever I hear someone saying that they have difficulties looking after two young kids and they need their mothers' help when one of their kids is sick. Well, I guess I am not as lucky as them. I do agree that not all grandparents dote on their grandchildren and would "scale high mountains/ swim across the sea" for their grandchildren. But both my Dad and Mum did. I know they had always put the children and grandchildren before themselves, and that's partly why their passing is a great loss to me. They had loved the children and grandchildren more than they loved themselves. I can vouch for that.

Above is the picture taken with Mum and my two sisters using our own camera. I couldn't quite recall which year it was taken but Mum was very well then. She suffered from large intestinal cancer in the late 90s but her condition was considered in remission when we decided to take a huge family photo. It had always been Mum's dream to take a family picture with the children in graduation gowns and all the grandchildren. That was the last time we had our family photo taken and it's a pity that Greg, Regine and Reuben were not in it.

Anyway, here's another poem specially dedicated to my mummy..

It's coming to 4 months since you were gone
Some people may wonder why I still yearn for you after so long
I didnt know how painful it's like to lose own mum
Until I went through it myself and wish this day never come

I really miss your smiles and laughter
I regret not telling you you were such a great mother
There are so many things I want to say
Feel very sad whenever I realize you have gone so far away

During those times when you scolded and caned me
I was upset then but now I can imagine how hurt you could be
I used to think you were biased and never fair
Whether you really were or not, now I no longer care

How I miss the good food that you used to prepare
You are still my best chef, and no one else can compare
Though things have changed and do not stay the same
Inside my heart, our times together would forever remain..

Greg and Ma

Greg suddenly insisted to go Grandma's house when I fetched him from childcare yesterday. He said he wanted to visit grandma and to play his toys there. I told him Grandma wasn't around and no one was at the house but he believed that the house wasn't empty. Since my mum's house is very near to TTSH, i agreed to his request. We arrived at about 6:30pm. Greg's behaviour was a little strange in that he used to prefer to wait for the lift. Yesterday evening, he was somewhat impatient and asked me to walk up the stairs with him instead. When I opened the door, he dashed into Mum's room. His shoes were still on.

I saw him at the side of Mum's bed. He turned to look at me and asked, "Mummy, where's MaMa?". I told him Mum has passed away and is no longer with us. He looked at me, and seemed quite puzzled. He then asked, "Why Mama never bring the tiger pillow along with her?". I was struck dumbed. Not knowing how to answer him, I diverted his attention by asking him what toys he wanted to play. Greg selected the toys and plonked himself comfortably on Mum's bed to play. He wasn't bothered with the heat in the room (windows were not opened) or his shoes not removed. After some time, he decided to leave but together with some of his toys. Greg turned to look at Mum's bed one last time before leaving her room. I know Mum loved him and enjoyed his company a lot. I have taken pictures of him in Mum's room but they didn't turn out to be very nice when I tried attaching them in this blog.

Hubby's leaving for HongKong today. On a business trip. I told Greg about it last night.

Gregory (with his arms stretched out, just like an airplane): Daddy, you are taking aeroplane and you are going HongKong?

KengYong: Yes.

Gregory: Why must you take aeroplane to go HongKong? You cannot drive there?

KengYong: HongKong is very far away. It's not possible to drive there. Must take aeroplane.

Gregory: Are you going HongKong to fetch MaMa home??..

Well, Greg must have thought Mum's still around but somewhere far far away. I guess Greg must have missed Ma a lot too.. It's just a pity that Greg lost both his granddad and grandma at such a young age...

Greg Triggers my Childhood Memories..

I went to fetch Greg yesterday at childcare and noticed that he was not wearing his own pants. Asked him and he told me he had passed motion into his brief and pants, hence his teacher had to change him and get him to wear the one that belongs to the school. Asked him why he didn't inform his teacher about his needs and he claimed that he didn't like to pass motion into the toilet bowl.. at home, he would usually poo into his own potty. The toilet bowl at home is simply too high as Greg's height still hovers around 90cm. Very short hor? I thought the toilet facilities at school were just right for him. Hmmm.. or maybe he finds pooing into the toilet bowl in school frightening. I am not sure... hmmm.. I guess I may have to think of some behavioural methods to get him used to concept of passing motion into the toilet bowl. By the way, he has never been traumatized by any toilet bowl-related incidents at home.

Greg would generally tell me the events that happened in school. Yesterday, he told me his classmate, Davitra, is hospitalized. Asked him why the little girl was in hospital and he said Davitra needed some injections for her leg. Poor Davitra. Sms-ed his form teacher to find out more. According to his teacher, Davitra had to go for a leg surgery because she had a lump around the knee area. So what Greg has shared is somewhat true. Hubby and I thought he's a bit KPO. Hahaha.

However, that brings back some past memories I had. I still remember that I used to tell my mum what happened in school. One day, I witnessed my teacher slapping my friend. One that same afternoon, when my mum was chatting with my friend's mum, I told the latter that the teacher has slapped him. My friend's mum asked me where, and I told her it's on his right cheek. She quickly checked and found that my friend's right ear was very red. She asked my friend about it, but my friend didn't talk much. Immediately, my friend's mum marched to the principal's office. I still remember Mum ask me why I talked so much. Anyway, I got frightened or rather, felt threatened when my teacher came to me the next day and interrogated me why I told my friend's mother what happened. Think I was only in Primary One then, and I was indeed very scared. I kept everything to myself and didn't tell anyone about my teacher's conversation with me. I met my friend's mother again, and she thanked me for telling her about it. However, I still remember I was looking away from her then, feeling quite upset and traumatized.. All I have learnt is that it doesn't always pay well to tell the truth.

Now, thinking back, I do think Greg's characteristics do somewhat resemble mine (e.g., telling me what happened, crying in school in the morning etc)... unsure if it's a good thing or not..

Mooncake Festival..

A little poem dedicated to my three other siblings - Pearl, Raymond and Rina..

It's mooncake festival today

I do not intend to celebrate it anyway

Though we had Mum with us last year

It's obvious Pa's absence greatly reduced the happy atmosphere

I could still recall the fond memories we had on this very day

Lighting up lanterns, sharing mooncakes and the fun games we used to play

Without Pa and Ma, I know mooncake festival will never be the same like before

If only I could turn back the clock when our parents were together with us four..

To My Mummy with Love..

Life has its ups and downs. I noticed that I have more downs than ups since dad's passing in June 2006. So sudden and his demise ripped my heart apart. About a month later, I had to undergo MTPT because my second baby had a dysplastic cycstic kidney which was dislocated. Things didn't get any better even when I found out that I was pregnant again in April 2007. Mum's condition just deteriorated. I lost her in June 2007. Just slightly before dad's first death anniversary. I really miss them so much. Still having a hard time grieving over so many losses. One after another. Sometimes I feel so numbed whereas there are also times when I can be so overwhelmed with emotions.

Eventually, I tried to pen my thoughts and feelings down in poetry format whenever strong emotions hit me. I shared some of these poems with people around and MuiJoo asked me why not start a blog and save my poems in it. I do worry that I may not have the inspiration to write poems all the time. But well, on second thought, perhaps it's one good way I could save all my poems. It's not necessary that I have to write poems all the time. I could always write about my lovely 2 year old Gregory and his little brother who's going to bounce onto earth at the end of this year! So here I am, after much hesitation and procrastination! Heehee.

I have been feeling pretty low lately. Not sure if it's due to my hormonal change during pregnancy. In the night, I would suddenly think about mum and dad, and I know my confinement this time will be very different because there isn't anyone who will fuss over me. Anyway, I came up with a poem when a sudden wave of emotions hit me this morning. Here it is and just to share this with you.. a poem dedicated to my mummy who's always so strong and brave! How I wish I could be as courageous as her..

I still remember the night you could last open your eyes

You looked around without any rest despite many tries

How I now regret that I didn't stay longer

I didn't know then that I would lose you forever

Your illness is indeed one that's hard to fight

You were so brave to take it on with all your might

I could sense your distress when pa was gone

You did try to move on and remain strong

How I wish you and pa are still around

Everything is so so different now

We have stopped playing 'fish red fish' and 'gerami'

But the fun and memorable moments would be kept with me.

It'd be nice if you both could be near

So that I know there is nothing I need to fear

It's really not easy to let you both go

Especially with the dear memories I still hold..