MY journey

I Have Time to Update!

2009-07-24T14:14:00.003+08:00

Worked so hard for clinic and my family, finally I am down with a nasty flu. Was given 2.5 days mc and i spent most of my time napping at home. I feel a lot better now, and I thought it may be a good idea to update my blog again! Hee. Above is a recent picture of my 2 boys who were dressed up for racial harmony day at their childcare.

Gareth has started childcare early this month, and he is getting more adjusted to the routined and disciplined lifestyle there now. He is 19+ months old, still very innocent and sweet. This morning, when he woke up, he held onto the front part of his diaper and went, "Shi shi, mama". I said, "You wana pass urine?" Gareth then quickly ran to the restroom, point at the toilet bowl and said, "Shishi mama, shi shi". Thinking that it's a good step to perhaps start his toilettraining, I led him to the restroom, took out his diaper to let him pass urine into the toilet bowl. He went, "No more". Haha... he has passed his urine into his diaper already. Well, good try. At least he has associated that the toilet bowl is the place one has to go to when passing urine.

Greg, as usual, very inquisitive about things around him. This time, it's about the Superheroes. He loves watching the Justice League. His favourite character is the Green Lantern - that man dressed in green with a ring on his finger that gives him power. He likes Green Lantern primarily for 2 reasons, firstly, he's impressed with the ring. Secondly, the other Superheroes called Green Lantern "G.L" in short, and Greg excitedly went, "Mummy, I am also G.L - Gregory Lim". Hahaha. Yup, he is now curious about why Superman is dressed in such a special way. First, Greg asked, "Mummy, why Superman wears his pants first before wearing his underwear?", "Does he not know how to wear clothes properly?". Then he went, "Oh... maybe he only wears underwear. Why mummy, why does Superman only wear underwear?" He has been thinking hard for the answers. Early this week, he exclaimed, "Mummy, I think I know why. Superman only wears underwear so that it's easier to fly. Pants can be quite heavy." Yesterday, he came up with another answer. He said, "Mummy, I have been thinking about it. I think I know why Superman never wear pants." Honestly speaking, I am amazed at his persistence in wanting to know the right answer. He added, "Because he does not have pants at home lo..." I really had a good laugh.

Long Time No See!

2009-06-20T08:51:00.002+08:00

Life remains crazily fast for me. Busy at work, and when home, both my hands are tied down by my two baobei. Greg is now 4 years 4months old and Gareth has now turned 18 months. Greg as usual, is still very inquisitive about things in life... Gareth on the other hand, has become wiser in terms of how to physically defend himself.

Greg
Once we were driving home, Greg spotted the big round moon.
GREG: Mummy, why is the moon following us? (looking at the moon from his side window)
ME: The moon is very high up in the sky.. so high that it looks as though it is following us but actually it is not.
GREG: Daddy, can you drive faster? ..so that the moon cannot catch up with us. (Obviously my explanation was not understood)
Daddy did drive faster. Then our car drove down a windy bridge, and the moon was seen only via the windscreen at the back of the car.
GREG: ok daddy... I think you can slow down now. The moon can't catch up, and is behind us now.

Gareth
Greg loves to irritate and disturb Gareth. Once Greg tried touching Gareth's various facial parts fast, and when nehnehnehpoohpooh. Gareth got really really mad. He hit Greg's body lightly and went "beat beat beat".

Gareth is attending Greg's childcare in July this year. I am keeping my fingers crossed, and hope all goes well. Hopefully Greg can also help me look after his didi in school.

Gota go back to work now. It's saturday today, and I still have to work. Sian~!

Fast pace fast pace...

2009-03-08T19:26:00.002+08:00

Gosh.. it has been a long time since I last logged in. Almost forgot my blog address even! It's already the third month in 2009! So many things have happened... Gareth has turned 15 months, and Greg is now 4 years old! How time flies. Gareth is now walking quite independently, saying several one-/two- words. His favourite word now is "Maaaaaah meee". Heehee. Greg has grown too, both physically and cognitively. His reasoning skills have definitely sharpened and there are times I do think he can make quite a good lawyer in future. hmmm...

Myself... busy busy busy. Busy with work. Busy with my 3 boys. Work wise, I am happy so far. Good to be busy.. or at least feel busy because the economy these days are really no good. I have to even give retrenchment and resilience talks to certain companies apart from seeing more people with stress-related issues in my clinic... hopefully my job is a recession proof one. Yup yup.. appeared on the Chinese talk show in February. Gosh... glad that it's over. Think my Mandarin is really not up to standard, and oh well, some people said I have too high expectations of myself.

Oops... my two boys are calling me.... gota go. gosh... pace of life is really going a bit too fast...

Quick update on my 2 "G"s

2008-11-28T14:58:00.005+08:00

I was so busy with work and my life in general that I simply couldn't find time to update my blog. If there is time to spare, I would only wish to melt in my bed. Life with my two young boys isn't easy. First is Gareth. Yup, he is turning 1 year old tomorrow! Time flies doesn't it? He's now a lot more aggressive and responsive. When I carry Greg, Gareth will get upset and will want me to carry him. When I carry the two boys (each in one arm), they will try to push the other one off! Oh my gosh! Gareth usually would look for Greg. He is easily excitable by his brother and when Greg is engaged in a game, Gareth is always keen to join him. Gareth could now walk with hands held. He is also able to follow instructions pretty well (e.g., asking him to keep the toys or passing an object to someone etc) and he could even point to the right picture when he was asked the location of the object in a set of picture cards. As he couldn't speak full sentences yet, Gareth gestures to indicate his wants. For instance, if he wants his diaper change, he will point and look at his diaper. If he wants the TV on, he will point to the TV and go "Er...er!". When he sees us eat and he also wants to eat, he will crawl to you and say "MumMum".

Greg, on the other hand, is growing to love his little brother. However, at times he isn't keen to pass his clothes on to Gareth. Look at the picture above. That set of blue traditional costume was worn by Greg when he was a year old. He insisted that he could still wear it and refuse to pass it on to Gareth. Greg tried squeezing himself into that costume and I thought he looked like "Huang Fei Hung"! Haha. He's always quite comical and making me laugh.

Yup! Gareth is turning one tomorrow. We are holding a mini family party for him. Seems like Greg is more excited than Gareth about the party. Hopefully I could do an update on his party this time. =)

Down, Down, Down

2008-10-16T09:28:00.007+08:00

I am so tired

Or is my mind badly wired?

Desperately struggling to keep afloat

On a constant lookout for a boat.

How alone I sometimes feel

Akin to climbing a steep, high hill

I know I do not possess any high expectation

Because I know it does not always get me to my destination.

I do not want to talk

Not necessarily will it get me out of the fog

Sometimes it is not about finding someone to confide

I now only wish for a hole where I can temporarily hide.

On the outside a book with thick, strong cover

Inside me, only pages of thin paper

Day in day out I slog like mad

An egg I am, I just hope one day I do not crack.

Am I overprotective?

2008-10-14T12:38:00.005+08:00

Greg has been refusing school for the past few days because his favourite teacher (T Roze) took a short vacation to Malacca to celebrate Hari Raya. He got really upset at night just before bedtime, begging me not to bring him to school the next day. I tried probing further and he claimed that some of his school teachers would request him to eat vegetables. Well, Greg has been refusing vegetables no matter how the teachers and I tried (e.g., making his dish look interesting etc). I was so tired of trying that I decided to give him and myself a break. Interestingly, he may eat up those vegetables served if no one nags at him. Apparently, some of his teachers tried encouraging him to consume vegetables by focusing on the benefits of eating vegetables. As Teacher Roze knows him too well, she has not been forcing any veges down his throat. Neither has she been "nagging" (that's what greg called it) about it. He disliked people keep talking about the issue, and because he is a socially desirable boy, he may force himself do something he does not want to do, just to make the other person happy. You see, somehow his behaviour makes his other teachers think that their "verbosity" works and it maintains their behaviour, whereas Greg at the other end, feels upset about having to do something he doesn't want. This boy isn't assertive enough and very often, he gets upset with someone without the person knowing that he is upset with him/ her.

Well, anyway, Greg got really upset on Sunday night. He knew T Roze would not be in school on Monday. He cried and refused to sleep. I had a chat with him after tugging Gareth to bed. He said one of his teachers wants him eat vegetable. I did explain to Greg that there's nothing that the teachers could do if he really refuses to eat vegetables. He said he didn't like them talk and nag about it in class. Anyway, in the end, he was agreeable to go to bed when I promised that I would inform that teacher not to mention anything about eating vegetables in class. The next morning, as usual, he got very upset when he arrived at school. I didn't want to stay long in the premise because the longer I stay, the more he would whine and cry. Hence, I just left the message (about that teacher)with the teacher whom I handed Greg over to, and walked off quickly.

Interestingly, when I picked Greg up that evening, I had this very strong feeling that that teacher would come and clarify things with me. Probably because I somehow know the character of this teacher. True enough it happened. I was glad that she did confront me about Greg's complaint. What really hit me wasn't her clarification. She reminded me of my past. I still remember sharing with my parents about a particular teacher when I was very young. The things I shared were very true, but my parents were generally very protective of I I believe. I didn't expect that they would go straight to the principal about the issue. What happened was that the information was cascaded down to the teacher I spoke to my parents about. Unfortunately that teacher came up to me and threatened me. I got quite frightened. I felt extremely upset. I was angry that my parents told everything to the principal. I was merely sharing with them my day at school. Never did I expect them to act on my complaints. I knew I was not wrong about that teacher but I certainly didn't like that look in her eyes when she confronted me. Well, somehow I was wondering if I did wrong here, in Greg's case. I did as what I have promised him, to reassure him. And in the hope that he could sleep for that night. But on the other hand, I did not wish that he would experience what I used to go through. Perhaps I was too quick to act on his words. I was not trying to single that teacher out. I was trying to reduce his anxiety but I could appear as an over-protective parent. If not done well, I believe I could even hamper his ability to stand up for himself. Anyway, just some thoughts that went through my head. And if you ask me now, I think my parents did that, thinking that it was the best for I. It's just that they would not expect the teacher came looking for I..

What A Thing To Say!

2008-10-07T15:00:00.008+08:00

Greg has come up with several 'funny' phrases all of the sudden and I wondered where he has learnt them from. For instance, there was once Gareth was cranky and making a lot of noise when we were having dinner outside. Greg, who was sitting beside Gareth, turned to Gareth without hesitation and said, "Don't make so much noise. You want to eat my motion is it?". I was so shocked to hear that and I told Greg that it was a very rude thing to say to his brother. There was once Greg got upset that Gareth snatched his toy. Despite the fact that I scolded Gareth and gave Greg's toy back to him, Greg said to him, "You are a very very naughty baby. I want to throw you high up into the sky and I do not want to see you anymore!" Gareth simply looked at him innocently and continued his googoogaga-ing, so Greg remained angry, with his little arms crossed. I really wondered where he has learnt those phrases from. School perhaps. From his friends I suppose.

There are times Greg is aggressive towards Gareth during play (e.g., hit Gareth with balls, push him etc) so I will try to ensure that an adult is around whenever the two of them are together. Of course there were also times Greg acted like Gareth's loving brother. When in a good mood, you may see Greg hugging/ kissing Gareth. I really wonder how they will behave towards each other when they grow up. Hopefully they have a good brotherly bond between them and that they will remain close forever.

Cousin's Wedding Dinner

2008-10-06T09:40:00.015+08:00

It was my cousin's wedding yesterday. It was nice of him to have invited my whole family to his dinner at Bliss Garden, located at Expo Hall2. Told him that I needed 3 adult chairs and 2 high chairs because I had to bring my maid and two boys along. Well, he was kind enough to say "No problem!". Yesterday evening was a mad rush for me. I had to prepare the 2 young boys and Greg was dillydallying. I kept hurrying him and I left with less than 10 minutes to prepare myself. I put on my gown and was applying make-up in my room when Greg came in and asked.
GREG: Mummy, why you said hurry hurry and now you are doing painting?
I simply ignored him and he went..
GREG: Mummy, I am talking to you. Why are you painting your face? Be quick. We are late.
ME: I am not painting. I am putting on make-up. Mummy has to put on make-up because it's uncle's wedding.
GREG: Uncle??
I ignored him again, refusing to entertain his questions any more. I was really hardpressed for time. I applied my foundation, powder,concealer, blusher, mascara, and finally I put on my lipstick. As the dinner is a night event, I felt that I had to put on the makeup thicker. This time when I applied my lipstick,
GREG: Oh no! Oh dear! What happens to your lips now?

Well, Greg really made me wonder if my makeup skills are damn bad. Perhaps it's just that he has rarely seen me in thick makeup. Anyway, I packed toys in his bag, hoping that I could distract him and make him sit still during dinner.

However, when we arrived there, I realized that the table I was allocated to was shockingly packed. Rina and I were only given 4 adult seats (Rina needs 2 adult seats and 1 high chair for Regine). We were thinking how to squeeze in one more adult chair and 3 high chairs. Greg and Gareth then started to get a little cranky, and I thought I really stuck out like a sorethumb. The table was really too small (even for 10 adults!) so I doubt we could squeeze in more chairs. I looked around the ballroom.. pretty jam packed and I didn't want the host to look bad (because I wonder if there were not enough tables and seats in the ballroom. Anyway, they were quite busy... understandly because it's my cousin's big day). So in the end, I decided to leave and Hubby supported my decision. At least my sister and her family can settle down on that table comfortably. Kekeke.. she can represent all of us mah! Anyway, I do hope that together with my angpow, deep down in my heart I sincerely wish my cousin and his wife a happy married life is enough. We left and my family had dinner at east coast instead! It turned out to be quite an enjoyable outing still, as the kids stopped complaining and were cranky no more. It is indeed not easy bringing kids out for such an occasion but one thing I missed doing was to go round and chat with my other cousins and relatives. It seems ages since I last saw them.

10-month Old Gareth

2008-09-29T09:08:00.004+08:00

Gareth is now 10 months old! People said he has grown fast, but I see him daily so I do not get that same feeling. Well, at least I get to notice the small milestones he has achieved gradually. Gareth is a lot more responsive and very playful now. His eye-hand coordination has improved and he seems to know a few more things in the environment by pointing at the objects you name. When he sees a bus, he will point at it and exclaimed "BAR! BAR!".. I simply repeat after him by saying "BUS! BUS!". Hopefully he will add in a "S" behind the word one day. He has been trying to pronounce words (e.g., jiejie - referring to maid, gorgor - referring to greg, dada - referring to kengyong, mama - referring to me, yeye - referring to his grandfather, bye - when going away, bubbles - when playing bubbles). However, he will point to most objects and say "BALL! BALL!". At first I thought he did not know the name of the object, I had to correct him all the time. Later I realized that he knew the name of the object but it's just that he could not pronounce it. He could point to the object when asked, but when you asked him what the object is, he went "BALL...BALL". Well, undeniably, his favourite object is BALL. He loves balls, balloons, bubbles, wheels... anything that is round... and he simply loves BABY BOP! I don't know why, but each time she appears, he would clap his hands and give a charming smile, as if Baby Bop is his idol.

Gareth is a pretty strong boy. He would pull himself to stand, and attempt to stand on his own at times. It seems inevitable that he had several knocks on his head during this phase, and has some bumps and blueblack on his head. He is also a very clean baby. He would usually pass motion only into the potty. He gets upset if he has to pass motion into his diapers. So if I do not put him in the potty, he can avoid poo-ing for that day. And oh yes, when he gives his flying kiss after waving goodbye, he would simply put his index finger in his mouth despite the fact that Greg tried showing him the right version. Hahaha, perhaps that's Gareth way of giving his goodbye kiss. Last but not least, Gareth only likes to be carried by KengYong and I at home. Not too sure why he chooses not to be carried by the maid at home if he has other options.

Gareth has indeed reached this very lovable and fun stage. I am looking forward to the day he is able to play well with Greg. However, I do believe that I would have another set of challenge that comes with it. Kekeke..

Funny Facial Expression

2008-09-26T15:28:00.002+08:00

Gareth has been making one funny face since he was about 6 months old but I have not been able to video it on time. He would simply screw up his face, especially his nose area, with his eyes squeezed tightly together, and make a loud sniffing sound. It's one of his ways to smile.. kekeke, especially when he is really excited about something. We will always laugh when he does that. Well, I managed to record it when he did once very briefly. See if you can catch a glance of him doing that.

Their New Toy

2008-09-24T15:08:00.005+08:00

I have been searching for a nice kid's tent. We go to the beach pretty often, and a tent comes in useful especially when Greg wants to stay away from the sun and Gareth wants to take his little naps. I found some at Takashimaya. They have the ones with Dora/ Thomas the train/ Sesame Street but I do not found them suitable. Those tents are only suitable to be used at home and there are warnings that they cannot be placed under the sun for too long. Also those tents require you to put an additional groundsheet. Well, anyway, I found something interesting at Early Learning Centre. It consists of two tents and a long crawl way. I was so excited about it. So were my two boys when they saw the whole set-up.

Greg took the bigger tent, so Gareth had no choice but to take the smaller one. The two boys kept crawling and playing peek-a-boo... It's good that the equipment could be separated and used individually. well, one not-so-good thing is that I could not quite join in the fun. The long crawling tunnel was so small that I nearly got myself stuck in there! Greg was so excited about his tent that he decided to sleep in his tent for that night. He was so full of ideas, and he thought it was adventurous enough for him to sleep inside the tent. See those things he put in there. Gareth couldn't find the big tent and crawled into the room. He screamed with joy when he found Greg and the tent. He crawled in to take one blanket out but Greg wanted it so the two boys ended up playing tug-a-war. But when it was really time to sleep, Greg decided that he was not brave enough to sleep solo in his tent. He still crawled onto my bed to sleep in between KengYong and I.

Somehow when I see the excitement and the fun the boys have, it's simply priceless.

A Fun Get-Together

2008-09-15T17:57:00.006+08:00

Sri was Greg's infant care teacher. She left the infant care centre for Perth to pursue her studies more than a year ago. She emailed me the other day to say that she is returning to Singapore for 2 weeks and I seized the opportunity to meet up with her. Well, Sri was fasting and she requested to meet during her break fast in one of the evenings. I have two very active boys and because I know I will have difficulties sitting down to have a proper chat with her for more than an hour with the two boys around, I got her to come to my house for dinner instead. She readily agreed, and what was amazing was that other ex-infant care teachers joined us for the gathering too. Mabel (Gareth's nanny) and Meifang came along, and that evening was so much fun. Greg has a classmate (Edna) who stays near my place, and her parents could also bring her and her 4 month old brother over that evening. We had so much laughter and I had a good time catching up with all of them. Greg was of course the happiest because his good friend Edna came over to play with him.

I then realized that with my two boys, it is quite impossible for me to meet friends and people up for dinner on a weekday night. But well, the gathering at my place that evening was great... at least to me. I think I should organize more of such gatherings at my house.

It's My Birthday!

2008-09-02T17:23:00.006+08:00

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to MEeeeee..

Happy Birthday to ME!

My birthday falls on the day after Teachers' Day. Usually Mum made sweet long noodles with eggs for I on this very day. No such luxury now. Anyway, I had no intention to celebrate it at all because KengYong has been pretty busy with his work and his coming examinations. Well, unexpectedly I had quite a good time on my birthday this year. First, Rina gave me a very pleasant surprise when I brought my boys to meet her and Regine for dinner at BottleTree Park on 01 Sept. It was our usual meet-up over a meal and we had quite a sumptuous meal at the Chinese restaurant there. I then brought restless Greg, Gareth and Regine to the playground, and when we returned to the restaurant, to my surprise, Rina bought me a nice cake from Angie. She told me the reason she got me the cake was because the cake was named Nana! Well, as usual, Greg was very excited about the birthday cake and requested to eat Nana's eye and mouth. Frankly speaking, I was pretty touched by Rina's gesture.

On my actual birthday itself, I also received many unexpected birthday greetings. I really did not expect so many of my old pals to recall my birth date. When I fetched Gareth home, Teacher Mabel gave me a surprise pizza treat at her house. Wow!..and in the evening after my dinner at home, Raymond and his family suddenly popped by my house with an Angie cake! Kekeke.. I get to eat 2 Angie cakes this year. Aren't I fortunate? Thanks to those who remember this very day. .. and yes, I know. I am now a year older. Sigh.

Gareth is 9 Months Old!

2008-08-29T17:06:00.001+08:00

Gareth has turned 9 months old on 29 Aug! Oh gosh! He is indeed growing fast. He has been crawling and now he is trying to hold onto something and pull himself up to stand. Speech wise, he babbles heaps but his favourite word seems to be "ball". He can point to common objects, and well, when he is asked to give a flying kiss after waving goodbye, he will simply put his index finger in his mouth. As he is more responsive more, he plays with Greg more... which means they fight and have disagreements more. Gareth loves to snatch Greg's toys, and he gets upset at times when Greg does not want to share his toys with him. Sigh. It is indeed not easy bringing up two kids. Sometimes I really wonder how Mum coped with four. I am sure her stress level is at least doubled mine. Often I do see Mum's behaviour in me. The way I scold my boys, and the way I manage them. I guess Mum did have a great influence on I.

A Sad Orphan

2008-08-14T06:56:00.003+08:00

Somehow an orphan is an orphan
With both parents now in heaven
How nice if I have them to turn to
Feeling lost and sometimes clueless like a fool.

Unlike everyone, I know I am different
Within a year, I lost both, not just one parent
It is difficult to understand what I have gone through
Till this very day, over my loss I still feel blue.

Now I have to do everything on my own
I could no longer talk to you by simply picking up my phone
Often I wonder where you are
I know you have gone to a place very very far.

Poem To Share

2008-08-09T17:40:00.005+08:00

Coping is often hard

Our mind may not shut

Things do not just happen

Eventually there is something we will learn.

Light after darkness, home after wandering

Gain after loss, happiness after suffering

Stay strong I know you will

It is ok for now you fail.

Pick yourself up each time you fall

This way you may learn more

For life is not a bed of roses

One door may open for you when the other closes.

It's End July Already?

2008-07-29T17:00:00.000+08:00

I realise that time passes very quickly. I hardly have time to myself. Other than work, my time is spent on the two boys. By the time they sleep at night, I am dead tired. KengYong has been busy. As usual. With his work and studies. Another month has passed, and Gareth is now 8 months old!

Gareth is a cutie. He babbles a lot, and lately, he has said words like "milk, there". He has also crawled after balls and exclaimed, "ball! ball". His nanny shared that he said "bye bye" to Roy (my nephew who goes to the same nanny) a couple of days ago. The most adorable part of him is that he can screw up his face and give you his sweetest smile (with his eyes tightly closed and flash his toothless grin) when he sees you smile to him and he wants to play with you. Greg plays better with him now. Gareth tries to do what Greg does. For instance, he got really excited when he saw Greg crawl below my bed to get the ball out, and he attempted to do the same. Unfortunately, Gareth did not know how to keep his head low when he reached the sideboard, and *OUCH* his forehead hit the sideboard and he went wailing away.

Greg as usual, is always solving problems for people. He must have wondered why adults are so dumb when the solutions are so obvious. Kekeke. Usually, I have to pick the two boys up after work. One evening, it rained very heavily after I picked Greg up. Gareth's nanny was unable to bring him down because she is also looking after another baby. As I am unable to manage two boys on my own because of the heavy downpour, I decided to wait in the car with Greg till the rain stopped. I had only one small umbrella then.

Greg: Mummy, why can't we go pick Gareth now?

Me: The rain is so heavy. I think we wait for the rain to get smaller first.

Greg: Mummy, we have an umbrella. Umbrella can protect us from the rain.

Me: Yes I know but Mummy only has one small umbrella.

Greg: It's ok Mummy. I think the umbrella can protect us.

Me: The floor is very wet and slippery. If Mummy carries Didi and holds the umbrella, Mummy has no hand to hold you. I don't want you to fall.

Greg: Mummy, I can hold the umbrella and you will have one hand to hold me.

Me: If you hold the umbrella, how about Didi and I? We will get wet.

Greg: I hold the umbrella. You and Didi come below my umbrella LOH! All of us will not be wet this way!(Giving me the look as if I ha

Well... Greg is always my hero isn't he? Kekeke..

Gareth At 7 Months

2008-06-29T10:14:00.004+08:00

Gareth started waving goodbye and clapping his hands vigorously when he was 6 months 1 week old. When he was 6.5 months, his first word was "Ma Ma". It's a pity Mum isn't around. Otherwise she would be so delighted to be the first person Gareth calls. Greg used to call Papa first before Mama. Some people say that if the baby says Papa first, then it's likely that he/ she would be closer to the father than mother when he/ she grows up. Hmm... not too sure if there's any truth to such logic or not.

Right now, Gareth has also begun making attempts to crawl. He tends to go backwards or if not make a huge lurge forward. Unlike Greg, Gareth has been having bad constipation. I have tried so hard to increase his vegetables, water and fruits intake, but somehow he would only clear his bowels at best every two days. He can get so badly constipated that his faeces are often "stuck". Sigh.. hence I have decided to really go very slow on his solids intake.

I would be starting work in July. It's definitely something that I have been looking forward to but at the same time, I am somewhat worried. I guess it's the similar kind of anxiety any student experiences before their school reopens after a long vacation. Kekeke... I hope all goes well...and ahem, July marks the end of my "taitai" lifestyle liau.

To My Dearest Daddy

2008-06-15T09:56:00.006+08:00

Dear Pa

You left me so unexpectedly

My world crumbled down instantly.

I lost you on a day so near Fathers' Day

A confidante you had always been to me, come what may.

I had never known myself as someone so fortunate

Until you suddenly vanished from our planet.

How I cherish those times we were together

I can only now hold them as memories in my mind forever.

How I miss those mornings you pampered me with good food

I am sorry for the times I was rude.

Thanks Pa, for seeing me through my Masters

As a Father, you had certainly been the greatest.

Happy Fathers' Day.. I really miss you so. How nice if I can see, or hear, or touch you one more time..

Love

Na..

Why Chinese Shouldn't Have Christian Names?

2008-06-13T12:50:00.003+08:00

Something funny to share with you.. on why Chinese people shouldn't have Christian names..

Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dust
Carl Cheng (Hokkien) - Buttock
Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Fry eggs
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor Fella
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt
Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird lays eggs
Lynn Tan (Mandarin) - Zero
Walter Mah (Mandarin) - My mum
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mum
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Charles Sun (Hokkien) - Stale

The list really tickled me. Hope it will brighten up your day just as it did to mine. =)

Blackout!

2008-06-11T10:44:00.003+08:00

It rained suddenly last night at 10+pm, when I was watching Mr. Bean vcd with Greg and Gareth was asleep in the room with KengYong. We saw lightning and heard a loud thunder roar, and our television went "pop" - off! Greg had a scare and he hopped onto my lap. The whole house was in darkness, and my first thought was "oh! blackout." I looked across our block and saw the households with lights on still, so my next thought was "blackout in my just my entire block". I opened the house door and saw my neighbour's lights still on, my subsequent thought was "I must check my house's switch box". Because Greg was holding onto me like a koala bear, I got KengYong to check on the switch box. He went but we didn't know what happened and thought maybe we would get things checked the next day since it's already quite late at night.

Originally, I only knew the lights and electricity went out but what didn't come across my mind was that our fridge would also not be functioning. I was horrified only this morning when I opened the fridge... boohoo... my expressed breastmilk is in the fridge!! Neither did we sleep well last night, with the windows closed due to the heavy rain. The boys were used to sleeping in aircon room or at least with the fan on. Last night, Gareth woke up at 2am with sweaty hair and refusing to return to sleep till 4+am. Greg also woke up several times to tell me he's afraid of the thunder and lightning. Aiyo. I couldn't use my electric pump to express my milk either because there wasn't any electricity in my house. The worse thing was the Gareth didn't want any milk this morning when I latched him on.My breasts were so engorged and I was also concerned about a drop in my supply.

Called PUB this morning and they said it's not their problem and they advised me to get an electrician instead. Called for an electrician, and he said he would be at my house at 10am. I quickly sent Gareth to nanny with my ebm and then rushed home to wait for the electrician, whereas KengYong drove Greg to childcare. 10am came but the electrician wasn't here. Fortunately, my neighbour is on leave and she said she could help me with this problem. Wow! We finally found the root of the power trip problem, and halellujah! lights and electricity returned! I was so happy. I managed to reach the electrician, and guess what?he wasn't even on his way to my place yet! Anyway, I am glad that my problem has finally been solved and grateful to my helpful neighbour. As the saying goes, "Yuan3 Qing1 Bu4 Ru2 Jing4 Ling2".

Greg's First Movie

2008-06-10T15:31:00.006+08:00

Greg has been looking forward to watch his first movie and I thought I shall bring him go watch the KungFu Panda this morning. We were early when we arrived at Plaza Singapura so we went for breakfast at McCafe. Greg ordered a chocolate brownie but didn't want to eat, so ended up I had to finish the two cakes.Next he wanted to try popcorn. I still remember Edwin kept himself busy with the popcorn the first time he went to watch movie, and I thought if the movie didn't turn out to be interesting for Greg, at least the popcorn could keep him company. Kekeke.

Greg needs a ticket if his height is above 90cm. Well, his height is still hovering around there, I didn't get him a ticket, and also he insisted that he would sit on my lap during the show. Greg was very excited about the show at the beginning, and as usual he would ask lots of questions about the content of the movie. About an hour passed, he started to get tired and he asked, "Mummy, I think I want to switch off this big TV already. I am so tired. The show is so long..". Kekeke... well, he was patient enough to sit still till the movie ended. After that, we went to the food court for lunch, and he lamented again, "Mummy, the movie not nice..next time we don't go for such long movie ok?"kekeke... however, I do enjoy the show somewhat. Afterall, I have not watched a movie for a few years already! =)

Fish Tank

2008-06-06T15:17:00.001+08:00

Got my maid to wash my fishtank the first time, and I was horrified to see them all dead the next day. However, to my surprise, there were plenty of baby fishes swimming around. I didn't know my fishes were pregnant. I doubt all three were pregnant but I had absolutely no idea how they died. I thought the mummy fish could have died after giving birth to so many baby fishes (bled to death?). As for the other two adult fishes, I thought perhaps one tried to eat the babies, whereas the other attempted to protect them,hence they had a fight and both died as a result?

There were about 50 baby fishes altogether. My neighbour's son dropped by my house and was excited when he saw the fishes. I gave him about 15 baby fishes, another 10+ fishes to Greg's teacher, 9 to Raymond and I kept the rest. This is the first time I start rearing fish from the infant stage. Kekeke... hope these fishes are hardy enough to continue growing... and yes I may need to change my tank to a bigger one soon. =)

Gareth Goes to Nanny

2008-06-05T14:54:00.001+08:00

Gareth has just started going to a nanny this week. Greg seems to be the happiest person.Well, Greg hasn't been very happy about Gareth staying at home with me while he goes to school. There was once he questioned me...
GREG: Mummy, why do I have to go to school?
ME: You go school to learn new things and to play with your friends. You love your teachers and friends right?
GREG (shook his head): No. I don't want to go school. Why Didi doesn't have to go school?
ME: Didi is still a baby..
GREG: But when I was a baby, I go school also you know.. Why Didi can stay at home with you now? Mummy, you are not working now so maybe I stay at home with you and Didi can?
ME: No. Didi is going Teacher Mabel there and Mummy will start work soon..
GREG: Oh...

Well, Teacher Mabel has been great with Gareth so far, and Greg upon seeing his brother didn't cry when we left him there, he didn't wail for the whole week when I left him at school! Hope Gareth adjust fine at his nanny there, and as for Greg, I do know he has been comparing almost everything (e.g., treatment we give him and his brother) and when there's any perceived unfairness, he will question us nonstop! Aiyo!

On the first day we went to pick Gareth up from the nanny's place,
GREG: Mummy, are we going Teacher Mabel's house now?
ME: Yup. We have to pick Didi up.
GREG: Why Mummy? Why do we have to pick Didi up? I think it'd be better we pick Gareth up only when he grows bigger at Teacher Mabel's house...
ME:???
I still thought he'd have missed his little brother. Apparently, Greg's readily to give his brother to anyone who wants him.Sigh.I have to be extra careful with my behaviours, actions and speech towards my two boys because Greg's extremely sensitive and he could get jealous very easily. Sigh!

Gareth's Developmental Milestone

2008-05-29T13:35:00.002+08:00

Gareth turns 6months old today, weighing 8.2kg and his height is 70cm. Physically he's developing fine. Just like any normal 6month old babies, he could flip from back to tummy and vice versa. When he's lying on his tummy and if he sees a toy in front of him and beyond his reach, he would move his buttocks up (like a worm) and lunge forward to grab the toy! Gareth does seem like a very determined boy.

Language wise, he's into baby talk. However, I notice that he could somewhat understand what I talked about. For instance, I taught him where his toy beetle is in the midst of playing with him. His toy beetle is hung just right above his cot, behind where he's sitting. Then I asked for his toy beetle about half an hour later and he could turn to look at it! Amazing isn't it? This goes to show that babies have very good learning capacity... so never underestimate babies' ability to understand our language! I couldn't upload the video which I played and taught him where beetle was because the file was way too huge. I could only put up the video which I asked for the toy half an hour later. See Below.

Maid is Here!

2008-05-17T15:22:00.007+08:00

My replacement maid has finally arrived. Life has been more comfortable for me such that I have to do housework no more. I am also glad that she's quite ok with my boys so far. Hmmm... or perhaps it's still too early to assess her. But well, so far so good! =)

Greg has become a lot more independent since those days we went maidless. Not only could he feed himself independently ( no more spoonfeeding by anyone, he also started bathing on his own (with supervision of course) and keeping toys after he plays them. Ahem, so that was good training for Greg when we didn't have a maid. Lately, I have also noticed that he has become more artistic. For instance, he'd pick up a marker and start drawing on the balloons. No more stick figures for his drawing of man now. They have proper bodies now (See picture below)! Kekeke. I thought he drew himself and Gareth on the balloon pretty well. Well done, Greg!

I have a simple recipe to share. Quite easy to cook, and just dump all the ingredients into the slow cooker. An easy dish to do when I was maidless.
boneless chicken pieces
button mushrooms
carrots
ginger (4 slices)
sugar (1tbsp)
oyster sauce (4tbsp)
light soya sauce (0.5tbsp-optional)
sesame oil (optional)
pepper (to own taste)

Put all into the slow cooker and best if leave on high heat for 4 hours. Or if you are cooking it in the morning and want to have it for dinner at night, you can try leave it on at auto. It's quite a yummy dish and it definitely goes very well with rice. Try it!*Yum Yum*

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T15:04:00.006+08:00

Dear Ma,

It's Mothers' Day again
This day brings me lots of memories and pain
Remember our surprises that brought you close to tears?
Losing you had been one of my greatest fears.

Last year this time we sprung you another surprise
I wonder if you know but so loud were our cries
Time simply flies so fast
I still find it hard to let go of the past.

I didn't understand your frustrations when I was little
I didn't know life as a mother without help can be so bitter
Now I know being a mother isn't easy
Thanks for having given me a home so warm and cozy.

I have been feeling so lost since you were gone
For your presence has always been longed
Mum, you had been my greatest hero
I really regret that I had not told you so.

Lots of Love

Na..

Mothers' Day is never the same for me, now that Mum is gone. I feel very sad when I see the Vesak Day decorations in the temple near my home. It brings me many sad memories and rekindles my fear of losing my loved one. When Dad died suddenly, I rushed down to NUH in a cab. When Mum died, I drove down quickly to SGH in the middle of the night. Both require me to travel down the tunnels. I hate the tunnels. I dislike going through it. It took me quite sometime to be able to use those two tunnels without tears. Time flies. One year has passed. Just wanna say to Mum, "I really miss you. I am sorry that I have upsetted you so many times throughout my 34 years with you. "

My Two Boys

2008-05-09T15:06:00.003+08:00

Greg told me Gareth is his best friend but he would only share with Gareth the toy he didn't want to play. I have been trying to strengthen the bond between the two boys by sometimes buying Greg things and said it's from Gareth. Greg once asked, "Mummy, Gareth is my best friend. He buys me toys and tic tac. But why Didi has money and I don't?". I went "Oops!".

Life can be very hectic with the two boys, especially when I have to manage them on my own. Once I brought them to have dinner at Fish and Company because Greg had cravings for fish and chips. In the midst of the meal, Greg told me he wanted to pass motion! The toilet cubicles at Novena are squeezy and dirty, and I couldn't imagine bringing two boys into one cubicle to pass motion. Luckily I brought a pull-up along, for such emergencies. Poor Greg had to pass motion into the pull up at the restaurant though he didn't like the idea and I had to clean him right on the spot, whilst Gareth is sitting in his high chair.

There was one night when KengYong had to work late and Gareth was extremely cranky. I was trying to nurse him to sleep at about 10+pm when Greg suddenly said, "Oh Mummy! I want to pass motion". Me: "Aiya! Why do you always pass motion at the wrong time?" (I know I shouldn't have said all these but I was indeed pretty flustered and frustrated then.). Greg: "Mummy, you look angry.. are you angry? .. but I have to tell you when I want to pass motion right?". Well, his words did jolt me up and yes, what he said was true. I wasn't angry, really.

There was one morning when Greg refused school. He didn't want KengYong to put on his uniform for him. I had a talk with him and he didn't think it's fair that he has to go to school and Gareth needn't. Anyway, he finally agreed to only go to school if I put his uniform onto Gareth once. Gareth was also happy to wear his GorGor's clothes. We all had a good laugh and Greg was then happy to change into his uniform to go school.

Life with my two boys is indeed challenging, especially on those days I have to manage them alone. Thinking back, it can be fun at times too. =)

Weekend Trip to Sentosa

2008-05-05T14:32:00.002+08:00

Greg loves staying in a hotel where he gets to sleep in between KengYong and I. He kept pestering us to bring him for another hotel stay. I thought it'd be nice to have a break and small getaway too. Anyway, KengYong booked a room at Siloso Resort in Sentosa and we spent our weekend there. The hotel room has a queen size bed and a cot. It's slightly better than a chalet but it doesn't match even a three star hotel room. Our room wasn't sound proof and I could hear lots of noises outside even at night. Also, the rooms in this resort aren't any cheaper than any simple hotel room in Singapore. I think I wouldn't return to Siloso resort for a stay next time unless I don't have any other choices.

Well, on Saturday afternoon, Greg and KengYong went for a dip at the resort's pool once after we checked in. I couldn't join them because Gareth wanted to nap. We went to watch Songs of the Sea in the evening and some of the scenes were spectacular. Greg didn't enjoy it because of many unexpected loud scenes with balls of fire and fireworks but I give my thumbs up for the show. Gareth napped through the whole show and only woke up when we were about to leave. I didn't sleep much in the night because Gareth refused to sleep in the cot alone that night.He insisted to squeeze onto the small bed with the three of us! Omigosh!Greg played Luge a couple of times with KengYong during the trip and he didn't seem to get tired of it.

Though it's a two-day-one-night trip to Sentosa, we had to bring two suitcases! I cannot imagine the number of suitcases we have to carry if we embark on a trip longer than this. Well, it's a very tiring weekend for me... I dislike it especially when I saw the huge pile of laundry I have to do after the trip. But well, I guess at least Greg has enjoyed his hotel stay!

A Small Adventure!

2008-05-02T19:17:00.002+08:00

I had a shock when I saw a little bird in my kitchen this morning! It stood there motionless for some time, so did I! LOL! At first I thought it's injured or dead, but when I used a "teck goh" (bamboo stick) to touch the bird, it flew around my kitchen. I had a fright! At that point of time, I didn't know what to do because Gareth was crying away (he's sleepy) and I couldn't chase the bird out. Neither could I use insecticide, and if I were to call KengYong, I doubt he'd return home immediately to help me. It flew round the kitchen till I couldn't locate it at all. So in the end, I decided to put Gareth to sleep first. I knew the bird is still somewhere around the kitchen because I could hear it chirping away. After Gareth napped, I armed myself with two "teck gohs" this time and tiptoed into the kitchen. Eventually I found the bird on my stove hood. When it realized that I knew its whereabouts, it slipped down from the hood and finally, with my "er mei strokes with the two teck gohs", the bird made its way out of the kitchen window. I felt so proud that it left my house with no injuries. But sigh, it has poo-ed on some of my utensils! =(

Maidless Me!

2008-04-29T13:16:00.003+08:00

I have gone "maidless" for two weeks. I am still alive and kicking but feeling somewhat exhausted. It's indeed not easy to juggle housework with very young kids. I hardly have had any rest, day or night. Hence, there hasn't been much chance for me to do any updates on my blog. What a shame! So many thoughts and emotions I had but I couldn't pen them down right on the spot. Right now I have just finished most of the housework and since Gareth is napping, I thought I should quickly log in to update my blog. Hmmm... I shall start off with Gareth first..

Gareth is now 5 months old. He's now grabbing almost anything that he could get hold of. When he sees a toy he likes and even if Greg is playing with it, he would flip onto his tummy very quickly and snatch it from Greg. There was once I went Kiddy Palace with Gareth in the sling. I wasn't aware that he grabbed a tube of fruit pastilles at the counter when I was making payment for those other things I bought! Another thing about Gareth is that he simply adores and idolizes Greg. Even when Greg treats him badly at times (e.g., throwing soft balls at his face). Gareth would giggle and laugh over small things that Greg does, even when it's not funny.

Greg has lost quite a bit of weight. Now weighing about 13.5kg. He has become very choosy with food and refusing foods that he didn't want to eat. At first I thought he had hfmd because of his food refusal and he could go without food for two full days! Anyway, now he's starting to eat again, but would eat those things that he likes. Greg loves Gareth and he helps me with Gareth at times (e.g., talking and playing with Gareth, singing Gareth songs, throwing diapers), but afterall he's a kid and he likes attention too. When we focused too much on Gareth, Greg would do some things to hint to us that he's neglected. For instance, when I was commenting on Gareth's cap (used to be Greg's), Greg snatched it from Gareth and put it on his head despite the fact that it's too small for him (see picture above).

Besides the usual sibling "fights", Greg still very much want to be a big brother. There was once I was about to feed Gareth his cereal,

GREG: Mummy, Gareth wants me to feed him. You can rest first.

ME: Huh? How did you know Gareth wants you to feed him?

GREG: I asked him just now..

ME: But Didi cannot even talk! How did you know he wants you to feed him? Also, you are too young to feed Didi..

GREG: I am a big boy already Mummy. I can feed him! Just now I asked him and he said "mmmm", so I think Didi tells me he wants me feed him.

ME: ???.. well, ok. 1 mouth can?

Greg nodded. I did let him feed Gareth 1 mouth. Greg's happy and Gareth seemed excited to take that one feed from Gareth! =) Gota go. Gareth's awake!

Have To Learn To Keep My Cool!

2008-04-16T12:41:00.009+08:00

Suddenly I kinda pity my current maid. I don't know why but I have been snapping at her of late. Of course over things that she did wrong. For instance, I asked her help me play with Gareth for a while this morning, and before she left the room, she knocked Gareth's head against the door! Arrrgh!

I realized that I seemed to be screaming at her the whole day. It's no good for her and myself I guess. I get angry with her easily maybe because I have already planned to send her back. Or maybe because I am still upset over the incidents that happened on the first two days she started work at my place. Otherwise, she does housework robotically fine. I know she isn't an easy maid. Neither is she submissive and timid. So I was wrong in my judgement when I first saw her. Yup! Never judge a book by its cover. She's now pretty careful in her movements at home and if I were to scold her, she would talk back at times still. I guess she may not be suitable in my household, she may do well in other households (e.g., those angmos who allow their maids to do things their way and to talk back).

Yesterday I got maid to play with Greg at Fidgets when I had to breastfeed Gareth. After we left the place,

Greg: Mummy, JieJie never sleep is it?

Mummy: You mean JieJie never sleep last night?

Greg: Ya. I think so. Just now when JieJie play with me at the playground, she says she's tired and she doesn't want to play anymore.

Mummy: JieJie told you she's tired and doesn't want to play?

Greg nodded.

Mummy: JieJie last night slept even earlier than you. And even more than Mummy. Not possible for her to have not enough sleep.

Greg: Ohhh... then why is she so tired?

Mummy: I don't know. Maybe she doesn't like the playground.

Greg: I like the playground you know Mummy. Maybe we come back next time with Daddy and JooYi. Just leave JieJie at home..

So I guess Greg doesn't seem to like Maid at all. However, when KengYong and I were around, she seemed to be better in playing with Greg (e.g., fixing train tracks, building lego etc) now. Maybe she's just pretending. I don't know. Anyway, we are just waiting for more biodata from our agency before we choose our next replacement maid. Hmmm..maybe it's better to go maidless..so frustrating and if this goes on, I think I will age very fast. =(

Fidgets!

2008-04-15T15:17:00.008+08:00

One good thing about being a full-time Stay-At-Home-Mum is that I could bring my boys to explore fun places on weekdays when these places aren't that crowded. We went to a newly opened indoor playground at Turf City (#04-05) called Fidgets! It's opened daily at 9am and we arrived there at 9am after parking our car at Carpark B. The place is quite easy to find, and there were only a few angmo taitais with their young children during our 3 hours there.

In their big playground, they have several slides. Two covered ones, one metal one that allows one to slide into the ball pool and another two long slides which resemble those at big splash. Greg had great fun there, but I thought the long slides are pretty dangerous because they are quite steep and the speed is super fast when one slides down. If the kid loses his/ her balance from the sitting position, he/she could get some abrasions. This happened to Greg when he lost his balance once. Greg also almost had a fall when he was "scaling up" some squares fast to get to the top. Luckily I was there to hold onto him, otherwise he may fall right to the bottom where there was only a small cushion mat. Hence, if you are going there with your young kid, please supervise him/ her closely when your kids are climbing up. It'd also be good if he/ she could wear long sleeves and pants to protect his/ her elbows and knees. Parents may like to dress the same way to reduce unnecessary abrasions at the playground.kekeke.

Besides the big playground, they have two smaller playgrounds - one is for infants and the other is for kids below 4 years of age. There was also an area where the children could read books and another small play area where the kids could ride on some vehicles. I have also checked out their cafeteria - nothing fantastic. I ordered a regular cup of hot chocolate that cost me $5.60 (so expensive!) and Greg ate a slice of chocolate cake ($6.90!). Their menu consists of mainly cakes, muffins and beverages.

Overall, my verdict of this place is "ok lah! Can go if not so crowded!" I just thought the place can be quite dangerous especially when there are many bigger kids around. But well, Greg's verdict is "Mummy, I want to come back again!". Besides the climbing and sliding that he loves, I know he likes the ball pool where he could aim and throw the balls into a little hole, and then there's a machine that brings these balls back into the ball pool. Cool isn't it?

What Would You Do?

2008-04-14T14:57:00.010+08:00

New maid arrived at my house on 08 Apr evening. She appeared timid and not sociable at first sight but I am quite ok with such qualities. I briefed her on her duties and allowed her to sleep at about 930pm that night. She woke up at 630am the following morning.On the first evening, she attempted to open door to someone standing at the door. I stopped her, indicating to her the dangers of letting strangers into the house. However, on 09 Apr afternoon, I heard someone press the doorbell. I was changing Gareth's soiled diaper after he poo-ed, and when I stepped out of my bedroom, I was horrified to see two strangers smiling at me and standing in my dining room. Maid didn't inform me that she had opened door and when I confronted her, she argued that these two persons claimed themselves to be people checking on the aircon. I got very upset with her because she didn't seem apologetic at first and she didn't think that she was in the wrong.

On her second night, she went to bed on her own accord at 9pm. I was out with Greg for a while, whereas Gareth was asleep and KengYong on the phone. KengYong said maid didn't ask him if she could sleep early and he didn't even know the maid has gone to bed already.Anyway, I woke maid up. She could spell out those duties (e.g., ensuring there's enough hot water in flask, throw rubbish etc) that she needs to fulfill before she sleeps and when I questioned her if she did all that, she could simply reply not yet. Arrrghhhh! I never expect her to be so daring on the second day..

I got quite upset with her "no big no small" attitude too. For instance, she would choose to wear my slippers even though her shoes were beside mine! Or after drinking her water, she prefers to put her cup (unwashed) beside mine! Last but not least, after washing her utensils, she would place them above ours (though I gave her a proper place to put hers) and letting the water drip down. I am so so angry.

Neither did she seem to have experiences with babies and young kids (as stated in her biodata). She freaked out when Gareth regurgitated his milk and she seemed to find it a chore playing with Greg.Greg told me he didn't like her.

Well, apart from all these, she has her strengths. She could understand English generally better than most Indo maids and she learns things fast. She did change somewhat after the first few days and she seemed more tamed now. However, I have this feeling that her change may be a temporary one. Her true colours may reappear after her loan is cleared. I am not sure. Sigh.. I am now in a dilemma if I should simply change for another one. She's now trying hard to do things right, and being more involved in playing with my two boys.

If you were I, what would you do? Would you change for a new helper immediately? Or would you observe her for another couple of weeks? On what basis would you change her? I do feel pretty insecure with her at my house because I don't know what she would do when there's no one at home. I do not even feel safe to leave my two boys in her care alone for 5 minutes with me out of the house. Sigh!

Well, she may be on her toes now. Just now I got her to keep an eye on Greg while I put Gareth to sleep. Greg, as usual, would play quite crazily. He was throwing pillows on the floor, jumping here and there etc. I went out to peep.. maid went "zerk zerk" and giving Greg some angry look (as if he's giving her extra work to do) but when she saw me, she quickly said "GorGor, don't be so naughty ok?" in a very caring tone. Ei year..I think she can be quite angelic when I am around... I really dare not imagine what would happen if KengYong and I were not present. Hmmm... or am I worrying too much over nothing??..

You Know How To Change?

2008-04-14T14:54:00.004+08:00

I have been using my TTSH email address to log into my blog but now I am no longer there. Anyone knows how I could change my username (or email address) for the blog? Can anyone help me? I am quite an IT dummy.

Just So Tired

2008-04-11T14:36:00.005+08:00

I have been feeling pretty exhausted and down of late. Things just didn't seem to be going very smoothly for me. Somehow I know Mum's trying ways to let me know that she's still around and she'd be with me spiritually. Greg spotted Mum one day while I was driving, and Greg told me he ever saw Mum visiting my house one day. I don't know how true his words and sightings were but I take comfort in that Mum's with me.

We went to Mum's house on QingMing to do our prayers. I was the first to arrive, dragging my two boys along on my own. I was slinging Gareth with his pillow while holding Greg's hand to walk to Mum's house. Somehow I couldn't find Gareth's pillow when we arrived at her house and I thought I could have left it in the car or dropped it on our way to Mum's house. Raymond arrived next and I asked if he saw Gareth's pillow on his way. He said no. He helped me keep an eye on Greg and I ran down with Gareth to look for the pillow. It wasn't in the car so I decided to take the same path which I took earlier to walk up to Mum's house. Interestingly, I couldn't find it till I arrived at Mum's doorstep. It's just right at the doorstep! Neither did Raymond nor I see such a big thing on the floor! My goodness! The floor outside Mum's house is pretty bare and clean with nothing at all. Amazing isn't it? How could I miss it when I left the house to look for the pillow. It's just lying right in front of the gate!... well, I choose to believe that either Mum or Dad is telling me that they are still around.

I have a bad day today. Not only is the maid driving me up the wall, Greg's still not eating proper foods for the past one week. Paediatrician said he's perfectly fine and has no medical problems at all. I have tried all sorts of methods (e.g., using positive reinforcements/ rewards, time out, coaxing him and even limiting his milk intake to maximum 1 litre as instructed by the doctor) but to no avail. Today, I went down really hard on him. I hit his buttocks with my bare hands so hard that now my fingers sore. He made me prepare some food and in the end he told me he didn't want it because he wanted something else!! I was so so mad. Anyway, I was also thinking of stopping him from his Gain IQ till he starts his solids again. I have also stopped his junkfood intake (e.g., choc, sweets) and he starts choosing what he wants to put in his mouth and what he doesn't want. Neither did he want Pediasure.Sigh. He could really make me boil and upset..I do feel very very tired. I guess I am not suitable to be a full time stay at home mother.

Quick Update

2008-04-09T14:31:00.007+08:00

I have been so so busy for the past few weeks that I didn't have time to update my blog at all. Maid suddenly dropped me a bomb on 24 Mar when we were having lunch at Centrepoint that her dad wanted her to go home for good after her elder sister (Romsiyah) gets married. She even gave me a deadline and told me that she has to be home by 18Apr! She's not even with me for a year though she has cleared her loan already. I was quite taken aback because upon questioning about her intention to leave, she said KengYong scolded her on 23 MAr and threatened to send her home! Apparently on 23 Mar, Greg doodled on the leather carseat when we were out and maid did nothing to stop Greg or to tell us (we were sitting in front!). KengYong got so angry and after scolding Greg, he scolded the maid but she said she didn't see!?!Anyway, I decided that I couldn't keep this maid for long because she acted very pathetic and lethargic after telling me that she wanted to go home. I felt very cheated because it was only later that I realized that she had it all planned. She requested to buy some new clothes and hairclips weeks before and then even went to the dentist to have her teeth done and well-polished (though dentist said her 'toothache' didn't seem that bad). Well, it doesn't pay well to treat her so well I thought. Quite upset because after she left, Greg was very much affected for at least a week. Besides having to juggle Greg's emotions and the two boys (in fact three, including KengYong), I had to do housework. Not easy especially when KengYong went on a business trip the whole of last week and Greg came down with some digestive problem during mid-week. Come to think of it, I really wonder how I managed the whole household last week. But well, I survived. New maid just arrived last night and yup, I have to start from scratch when it comes to training her up. I do feel quite frustrated at times because I thought she's pretty slow in her work, and she couldn't quite engage in activities with my two boys. Maybe I should give her some time to adjust, and perhaps I shouldn't judge her too early.

Okie. An update. Gareth is now 4 months old. Just started him on cereals (for fun only) though he's still fully breastfed. He's a darling, and he loves Greg a lot. Greg is getting more difficult to manage. He verbally challenges me at times, and would find ways to press my buttons. I could see that Greg has made some cognitive progress - he's indeed pretty creative in building ships, buildings, cars, trains etc using lego blocks. He has also started drawing nice stick figures, beautiful sun etc. I thought he's a lot more artistic than I! Above are some recent pictures of my two boys.. cute hor?

As for KengYong, he's still the same. He is quite busy with work and always has to travel. I went through a bit of rough patch about two weeks ago when my ex-boss accidentally/ deliberately (I don't know!) sms-ed me a nasty note. Quite upset when I received it and it took me a while to really put those words behind me. I didn't know she could be so unsympathetic and nasty towards me. Well, life has to move on.

My neighbour has also just given birth to a baby girl! I am so happy for her. I could smell the aroma of those confinement food that she's taking. Her dad (who's also my dad's childhood friend) drops by everyday to bring her fresh food from the wet market for her confinement lady to cook. Apparently her confinement lady came out late but my neighbour was lucky. Her mum stood in and looked after her, her newborn and now she's helping my neighbour take care of her 2 year old daughter so that she could do her confinement in peace. She's so so lucky.. *envy envy*. She may be leading a fortunate life but she may not see it that way.. well, I may not be that lucky but I think I need to count my blessings too. There may be some things people envy that I have and they don't possess. I guess I need to tell myself that I am also (or was) lucky in that at least I ever had very good and loving parents..

I am Superman!

2008-03-16T16:13:00.005+08:00

Below is a video taken when I notice Greg was dressing himself up as a superman. He's quite funny, and kekeke... he happens to be wearing his red brief! He asked me to tie his red blanket (Meiru, do you find the blanket familiar? It used to be your "muar". Kekeke)round his neck, and he puts on the eye-mask himself. However Greg pulls eye-mask up to his forehead later as he didn't feel comfortable to put it around his eyes. He also said, "later Superman cannot see properly and hit the wall when flying so must put the mask on forehead..". By the way, did you also spot the five purple balloons on his fingers? Hahaha... he told me Superman wears glove and because he has no glove, he pushes five balloons into his five fingers on his left hand to pretend that he has glove! I didn't plant any idea into him as to how he should dress to be like Superman and he came out with this image completely on his own. He's very creative and cute isn't he? Heeheehee.

Gareth Turns Three Months Old!

2008-02-29T15:51:00.004+08:00

Gareth is three months old now! He's growing to be more like KengYong I think and yes, don't ask me why his skin is so dark because I have absolutely no idea why. I swear that I didn't drink any coffee at all during my pregnancy but er.. I did drink at least a cup of Milo everyday. Not too sure if that affects his skin colour. haha. Well, Gareth had an accidental success in his flipping over once and subsequently he has been crying out of frustration when one of his arms got stuck in the midst of him flipping. He seems so determined but quick-tempered. Gareth now weighs 7.07kg and his height is about 65cm. Greg loves his didi a lot (e.g., he would lower the tv volume when Gareth is sleeping, he would sing to Gareth etc) and Gareth now would be extremely happy when he sees Greg around. Hopefully the bond between these two brothers will grow even stronger with time.

Greg was quite funny the other night when Gareth was trying to flip over but couldn't. Yanti and I marvelled at his attempts but Greg wasn't too happy about the attention we showered on Gareth. Greg said, " Mummy, Didi so small and fat, he cannot turn yet. I am big and not fat, I can turn. I show you ok Mummy... ". Now that Gareth has flipped over, Greg said, "oh... Gareth is not fat now". I just thought Greg's so funny and candid in his words. Kekeke.

Life At Home

2008-02-27T14:16:00.006+08:00

I kept Greg at home on Monday after his bad fall on Sunday. Unfortunately, he suddenly developed tummy flu symptoms on Monday evening. Poor fella, Greg had to suffer so much. Luckily, I have quit my job. Otherwise I really wouldn't know how to take emergency leave as I was supposed to start work on 25 Feb 2008 after my maternity leave ended.

Life as a Stay-At-Home Mum (SAHM) is indeed not easy. Sometimes I envy my friends that they still have their parents around to help out. Previously I could go down to Mum's house if I needed any help or when I wanted to find a place to really laze around. Now I can hardly rest and I have to stand on my own almost all the time. Mum and Dad knew the times I was upset... and could help me solve those problems I was stuck with. They were always the first two persons who would come to my mind when I needed to talk or ventilate my frustrations. I know they would always be there for me but well, that's in the past. I couldn't find any personal time for myself at present and yes, I do feel very tired. I love my boys, for sure, but I do feel exhausted at times. Kudos to those SAHMs who are doing well. It's a job that's harder than any other jobs. It requires one to work 24/7 and there's no salary... sigh. Well, so much for my ventilation. Yes, I promise I will try again.. and will try harder.. Hmmm.. maybe I should think of the positive aspects of being a SAHM because not many people get the chance to be one. Kekeke..

Oh No! Greg Has Another Nose Injury!

2008-02-23T16:50:00.005+08:00

Greg was looking forward to meet Rina and family at Pasir Ris Park in late afternoon. I was busy talking to Rina when KengYong and Yanti were with Greg at the playground. Suddenly, I heard Greg crying away and it was only then I found out that he fell from a height and hit his nose. Both his nostrils were bleeding and because he kept saying it's painful inside his nose, KengYong and I decided to rush him to KKH A&E. He has hurt below his nosebridge all the way to his nose tip. Remember his two previous nosebridge injury which resulted in his nosebridge fracture?.. sigh. I seriously do not know why he kept hurting his nose. Now he looks like a rednose reindeer. Even Greg himself had a shock when he saw his very red nose in the mirror.

This accident brought back some memories for me. I still remember I was with Ma at SGH when she was quite ill. She suddenly opened her eyes and cried, "Nah! Quick save Gregory. He has climbed so high and he's going to fall..". I thought Mum just had a dream or that she's being delirious so I just tried calming her down. She then chided me for chatting with Rina and not wanting to save Gregory. I still joked with Mum then that Rina wasn't at SGH and I didn't have someone I could chat to. Now that I think back about what Mum said, perhaps Mum did witness the bad fall Greg had. Maybe she wasn't hallucinating or dreaming. She was just being ahead of time. *SAD* when I recall those times with Mum..

I Quit!

2008-02-19T22:00:00.008+08:00

Gareth started his first day at infant care on 18 Feb 2007 (Mon) and I am supposed to return to work on next Monday as I have finished my 3 months of maternity leave. How time flies. Gareth was enrolled into Greg's previous infant care at TTSH. Unfortunately, most of Greg's infant teachers have left and I saw some things I wasn't too happy with at the current infant care centre. Worst is that the babies there were either down with chesty cough or have thick yellow mucus running down from their nose to their mouth. There's another baby who's three weeks older than Gareth, and oh my gosh, he's already on ventolin and some other medicine. I didn't want Gareth to land up so sick so soon, and because of the abovementioned reasons, I went to look for my boss to discuss about the possibility of taking no pay leave for the time being.

Well, my boss has not been very happy with me taking emergency leave over the past couple of years when Greg or my mum was sick, and she said she couldn't understand why I could not leave my kids with my maid when they are sick. She felt that I would always have "this problem of taking emergency leave" and she has to cover my work (which is to block my clinics). She didn't think granting me no pay leave will lead me to anywhere, and well, after a couple of discussions, I felt cornered to resign. So sad. I love my job so much but I guess I didn't have a choice. I even thought of working part-time and getting my maid look after Gareth under my father-in-law's supervision. However, on that Monday night, I brought Greg down to clinic for his 3 year old assessment when KengYong and maid looked after Gareth at home. Greg and I were not even down for an hour, we saw KengYong and maid come down with Gareth as they couldn't manage him. Apparently Gareth cried till his voice was hoarse and the two adults couldn't soothe him. Well, I guess if KengYong couldn't manage, I doubt my father-in-law would fare any better.

Anyway, I decided to throw in my letter of resignation. It was only after I have submitted my resignation letter, I saw many ugly sides of my boss. Quite upset about it. I should have quit earlier, when Mum was sick. Even on the day Mum died, I had to finish up all my cases before I left to be with Mum at SGH. Very distressed when I think back. I have slogged so hard for more than 8 years at TTSH, but I didn't seem to get anything much in return. Perhaps it's really time I should leave. I guess my next employer has to be pro-family and pro-kids. I tendered my resignation with immediate effect. Quite a big decision and it's something I have never thought I would do at TTSH. Well, time to move on for me..

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

2008-02-11T16:45:00.004+08:00

It's Lunar New Year again. Last year couldn't celebrate because of Dad's passing, and no celebration this year because of Mum's demise. Quite sad when CNY arrived on Thursday because it had never been the same since last year. Anyway, Raymond, Rina and I decided to book into Fullerton Hotel on the first day of CNY for a night stay there. The kids had fun and we had really close view of the fireworks at night. Otherwise my CNY this year is the same as my any other day. Nothing special. No really nice foods too. Two of my major dinner appointments were cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances... and sigh! If Mum and Dad were around, I do not have to think hard where to head for during CNY, and yes, there's always good food at Mum's place anytime I went. It's totally different now. I long for CNY no more.

Gregory's Third Birthday!

2008-02-02T23:22:00.001+08:00

It's Gregory's 3rd birthday today! Since it falls on a Saturday, we decide to celebrate it outside home and school this year. After much consideration, I thought the Atlantis City at Delta Sports Complex was a more suitable one. I booked the whole indoor playground cum party area from 6-9pm. We have also catered dinner buffet for those who turned up. It was not easy organising Greg's birthday because he was so indecisive in his choices. For instance, he had wanted a 3D Mr. Bean birthday cake at first. After that, he decided to change it to Barney. When he changed his mind to Thomas the Train again, I told him that the bakery uncle has baked his Barney cake already and I managed to persuade him to get Thomas the Train jelly instead. I have been ordering jelly from Mrs. Chan for Greg's birthday since he turned one and I must say her jelly tastes very nice.

Greg had great fun at the playground with his cousins and friends. Raymond bought him a bubble machine for his birthday and Greg insisted that he must bring it along to share the fun with his friends. In addition, Teacher Roze was also nice to be the games master that evening. She has organized simple games for the kids and everyone had some fun and laughter. Last but not least, I must also thank LiPing for videotaping the party down - it'd definitely leave some fun memories for Greg! Below are some pictures of the kids enjoying themselves at the party!

I am glad Gregory and the kids have enjoyed themselves. They loved it so much that they refused to leave the place when the party ended at 9pm. One thing I regret I didn't do was to take more group and family pictures. I was just so busy entertaining the guests and making sure things go smoothly for the party. Come to think of it, we have spent quite a fair bit on this party - the place, the food, the cake, jelly, prizes for the games and the goodie bags for the kids. Well, I have always wanted a birthday party myself - envied those who had one. I have never got a chance to have had one so thought may as well create one fun one for Greg. I am happy that I did because he kept saying, "Mummy, remember my birthday party? I hope it's my birthday again!". =)

Gareth is Two Months Old Today!

2008-01-29T15:51:00.001+08:00

How time flies.. Gareth turns 2 months old today. He's definitely heavier (weighed about 5.5kg about one and a half weeks ago) and full of facial expressions. He loves staring at new faces, and if the person displays a smiley face, he would smile back. However, if you give him an angry or sad face, be prepared that he would wail!

I am glad that he's fully breastfed still. KengYong and Greg had been down with really bad cough and flu of late. Greg refused to sleep with KengYong and insisted that he wanted to sleep with Gareth and I. It was really impossible to quarantine or keep Greg away from Gareth during that period. Well, both KengYong and Greg have now recovered and I choose to believe that breastfeeding did help to keep the bug away from Gareth. Haha.. maybe I am trying to find good reasons to keep me motivated in continuing to breastfeed Gareth. Greg now also gets a small dosage of my expressed milk in his last milk feed at night. However, I do dislike expressing my milk - not only it makes me feel like a cow, I can take as long as an hour to do it, as compared to 15-20minutes when I latch Gareth on directly (including burping). But what to do, I have got to start storing my milk up for Gareth's usage at the infant care. Sigh.. he's going infant care in mid Feb, which means I have to start work end Feb, and that implies no more naps for me during the day *SOB SOB*

Har? Diaperless During Sleep?

2008-01-21T21:09:00.001+08:00

Greg had great fun at wild wild wet yesterday celebrating Xian's 6th birthday. He was so exhausted that he rests at home today. Greg's happy that he "pong tang" school and was busy keeping himself occupied with toys at home. During his naptime, he insisted to nap without his diapers on. At childcare, Teacher Roze had stopped putting him on diapers throughout the day since the beginning of this year, including his nap time. However, I am still not game to try him diaperless during his afternoon nap. I just didn't like him wetting his bed (because I share bed with him) and we do not have enough bedsheets to change (just 2). Anyway, since he was so insistent, I decided to try him diaperless at home during naptime just now. Heehee.. but I got Yanti to lay the waterproof sheets below his bedsheet. Well, Greg managed to stay dry, and yes, he could wake up to just pee and return to sleep himself. Aiya... I should have trusted him and save more diapers hor... Er... now he's asking me if he could go diaperless at night... aiyo, his sleep at night is many hours longer than his afternoon nap... well, I suppose when he's ready, he's ready. Anyway, he's big enough, and it's time he should go diaper free. I guess Greg's pretty trustworthy in keeping his words..

Gareth Is Now Botak!

2008-01-14T11:26:00.001+08:00

Gareth just had his haircut. Actually I was quite hesitant about bringing him for his haircut because I know I would miss his soft hair. Anyway, looking at how uneven his hair was and I could see rashes inside his hair, I thought he needed a haircut. Does he look more like Greg now? Heeheehee.

At 5 weeks+, Gareth is pretty responsive. Besides crying, smiling and cooing, he gets very excited when he sees me put on my sarong sling. He loves going out and he knows that we are going out when I have my sling on. He would give me a charming smile, let out a "oooh" sound, kick his legs and swing his arms as if he wants me to quickly carry and put him into the sling! Haha... so cute.

Am I So Unfortunate?

2008-01-12T13:36:00.001+08:00

I feel so tired of late. Gareth isn't sleeping well during both day and night. He wants me to carry him to sleep and once I put him down into his cot/ sarong, he would wake up immediately. However, I notice that he also sleeps longer when I put him to sleep on my tummy. Hence for a couple of days I slept together with him, with him on my tummy. Finally I decided to put him on his own tummy and I could monitor him while I do my work (e.g., watching television, reading papers, using computer). Phew! So far so good but Gareth does have his mood. There are times he's not happy sleeping on his tummy on his own. =( That's why my big eye bags never seem to disappear.

Gareth is growing fast but I notice that I am not as enthusiastic in doing certain things (e.g., taking weekly pictures of Gareath which I did for Gregory) as before. It's not that Gareth is less cute but I realize that I just didn't have the energy. Life is indeed a lot more stressful with a new addition in the family. Coupled with my lack of rest/ sleep, juggling two kids is indeed not fun. Of course, there were occasions when Gareth cried and Gregory cried even louder, I sobbed together with them. How pathetic hor? I am just not as fortunate as my friends around me. I have both my parents no more. I still remember when I first had Greg and I couldn't cope, I would head straight down to Mum's house. Mum and Dad would shoo me into my room to rest while they took over the care of Greg. I do not have such luxury now.

Sigh.. Maybe I shouldn't keep thinking it this way. It makes me feel really sad. I suppose I have been so negative because I have witnessed lately how happy my friends' young kids were when they were with their grandparents. It'd be nice if Mum and Dad are still around. I know Mum would cook nice foods for the grandchildren and Dad would teach them ABCs. Hmmm.. me and my wishful thinking. Maybe it's pretty unhealthy to keep thinking in this way. Perhaps I should count my blessings and think about what I have at the moment. Well, at least I have Yanti who did lighten my load significantly.. so I guess I am not the most unfortunate person in this world lah..

How To Manage?

2008-01-05T06:50:00.001+08:00

It hasn't been easy managing two kids on my own. It gets pretty tough on me during those times when Greg doesn't want Yanti at all and KengYong isn't around. Undeniably, I lost control of my temper at times (especially with Greg's whining and crying) and I would give Greg a dressing down. I felt really upset after scolding him because I could see that he was emotionally affected. I did try my very best to spend as much time with him as I could but Greg wanted more. He wanted the same as before, when Gareth wasn't around. I could sense the relationship between Greg and I have drifted apart slowly. I felt quite hurt when he ran to hug Yanti (instead of I) when we fetched him from childcare over the last few days. Well, perhaps he felt hurt and rejected with all my scoldings too. I think I have forgotten to give him the positive attention when he's good and I kept jumping onto him when he did something to get on my nerves. I think I have indeed neglected Greg somewhat. Why did I say that? Some of his friends were born around his birthdate(or even later than him) and their parents have already planned for their birthday parties whereas I have been sitting on it. After receiving the smses on these birthday parties from other parents, I decided that I have to do something for my little boy on his birthday. And I must do something to bring him and I close again..

I went to pick Greg up from childcare yesterday and Teacher Roze was sharing with me about Greg's behaviour at childcare. Apparently, there's a new boy in his class and Greg wasn't happy about his favourite teacher spending lots of time with him. Greg was said to throw tantrums in school because of that. I felt quite sad when I first learnt about it. Sad because if I were Greg, not only do I feel rejected at home, I also have to go through the same thing at school. I tried talking to Greg about his situation at school but to no avail. Well, I guess I will change the home situation first instead since it's something I have more control over. I probably have to train Yanti to look after Gareth more, and perhaps I could bring Greg out alone when Gareth attends the infant care. Sigh.. it's indeed not easy to juggle two kids well on my own, but I am still game to give it another go. Wish me luck!

Goodbye 2007

2007-12-31T06:41:00.001+08:00

2007 has finally come to an end. I have received so many sms greetings to wish me all the best for the coming year. Don't know why, I just felt so difficult to let 2007 go. Mum's demise is still a chapter that I have yet closed. She has been gone for slightly more than half a year but in my heart, she seems to still be around. Sometimes it felt as if she had just gone on a very long holiday and she has not returned. I miss Pa too. I can't help but keep wondering how and where they are now.. I so so miss their presence and laughter. How I miss the times we were together..* SOB SOB* They are so far far away from me now.

Gareth Turns One Month Old!

2007-12-29T18:14:00.001+08:00

Gareth turns one month old!Heehee.. that also marks the end of my one month confinement! Yippee! Anyway, my confinement lady left yesterday.. and there are quite a few things she did that I hope I could undo (e.g., carrying baby a lot - told her off but she still continued doing so). I was so worried that I had to carry Gareth throughout the night last night, but I was glad that it wasn't as bad as I thought. Gareth seems a bit more difficult to look after as a baby than Gregory. Hope things will get better with time.

It's Christmas

2007-12-25T11:47:00.001+08:00

How time flies.. the year is coming to an end, and Christmas is here. Sigh.. no Christmas shopping or parties at friends' place for me this year because I am still doing my confinement. Well, I decided to hold a family gathering at my place for Christmas instead. My family always had Christmas gatherings (for fun because we are not Christians) but we stopped celebrating it when Dad passed away more than a year ago. *SOB SOB*. I could still remember Mum was lying in hospital last Christmas, and I was doing "afternoon care duty". Bought her a black sweater and she was delighted. She loved the sweater so much that no matter where she goes, she would bring it along. This year, my siblings and I gathered at my place that evening, but the atmosphere was never the same any more. The absence of my parents was still greatly felt. I really wonder how Ma and Pa are now.. I miss the last Christmas gathering my family had and I guess I will never ever have such fun any more.

I Am Back to Breastfeeding Again!

2007-12-23T11:08:00.001+08:00

Heehee.. I have decided to return to breastfeeding again. I surfed the internet quite a fair bit on some breastfeeding forums and I thought I should give it another shot as my main reason for ceasing my supply wasn't because I didn't have enough breastmilk.I have also gathered a lot of support from friends (of course not to forget my younger sister who had breastfed her daughter for 18months) who breastfed/ are breastfeeding their kids and yes, I was convinced to return to total breastfeeding Gareth again. Oh my, I was so anxious about not having enough to feed Gareth at first yesterday because I had introduced formula milk for the past few days. I even got KengYong to help me buy Fenugreek. Well, I am glad that it gets a lot better today. Gareth seems more satisfied after each feed, and I truly felt that my efforts put in have been paid off so far.

One primary reason why I decided to fully breastfeed Gareth again is because he's going to attend infant care when I return to work. I really hope that his immunity could be strengthened via my breastmilk. Sigh.. but Gregory told me that he didn't want my milk - he said he still has his tin of milk powder..haha. Thanks to all my friends and relatives who have encouraged me to return to breastfeeding again. Well, at least now I could tell myself that I have done all that I could to give the best to both my boys..

So Unpredictable!

2007-12-21T15:07:00.001+08:00

I have not been sleeping well for the past few nights.. Gareth's sleep and feeding pattern has suddenly changed. It started about three nights ago, when he dozed off in less than 5minutes each time I latched him onto my breast for his feed. I had tried ways to wake him up (e.g., change his diaper, put him on the bed etc) but to no avail. He wasn't like that few days ago! Naturally, I had to put him back into his cot so that he could continue sleeping. However, he would wake up in less than half an hour. Confinement lady kept saying that my breastmilk isn't sufficient (though I didn't have the problem during the first 2 weeks when Gareth arrived) and had wanted me to express my milk. I wasn't keen to do so because of some bad experiences I went through when I first had Gregory. Anyway, I allowed the confinement lady to give formula milk just to test her hypothesis. Apparently, Gareth still woke up in 30minutes after feed. He startled easily, and we have also tried ways to solve this problem (e.g., put beansprout pillow on his chest - but he kicked it up to cover his face.. oh my gosh!; swaddled him but he would struggle to free both his hands - confinement lady suggested tying his hands to his body using a cloth but I strongly objected; on soft music but it didn't help). Confinement lady then suggested bathing the baby in "red flower water" but it didn't seem effective either. Finally last night she asked me if I had "talisman"... aiyo! I guess that must be her very last resort. Even when I asked her if Gareth is experiencing some wind in the tummy, she told me the baby cot may not be suitable for Gareth! Oh my gosh, the first thought that came to my mind was that she wasn't objective and she didn't seem experienced as a confinement lady. Frankly speaking, my primary concern is that Gareth has enough sleep. Sms-ed my friends who are experienced mummies, and yes, I am going to try to put Gareth on his tummy when he has his nap during the day so that I could monitor him and ensure that he doesn't get suffocated. I am now keeping my fingers crossed that this would work. Well, how about his sleep at night then? Hmm.. I am going to just take one step at a time. If it really works and is deemed safe after some days of monitoring, then I may put him on his tummy to sleep at night.

I am also thinking of slowly having my breastmilk ceased. After what happened during the past three nights, I guess because of the insufficient rest I had and the bottles of formula milk introduced by confinement lady as trials, my milk supply seems to have reduced. Also, I think I have somewhat neglected Greg since Gareth has arrived. I guess I cannot just keep thinking of nursing Gareth or pump out my milk all the time.. I believe motherhood is a lot more than these things. Come to think of it, I just want to be a happy mother and be able to spend quality time with both my boys and hubby. That's all.

"R" and "L"

2007-12-17T15:03:00.002+08:00

I wonder if Gareth is a name difficult to pronounce. My confinement lady asked me what my baby's English name is. I told her the name but she pronounced it as "Ga-left". Sigh. Anyway, I said to her that I preferred her to call Gareth by his Chinese name.

Somehow, this reminded me of an incident years ago. At that time, Edwin was only about 5 or 6 years of age. His kindergarten teacher gave him a homework in which he's supposed to bring objects that start with the alphabet "L" to school the next day. Edwin was cared for by my mum then, but he called his mum (Pearl) to inform her about his homework. Pearl only got him a "leaf" and he was so anxious that he revealed to my mum that he needed to bring more than one object that starts with "L" to school. I still remember Mum hurriedly came to me with Edwin in the evening when I was at home to ask me if I know of any other objects that begin with "L".

ME: Hmmm... Lemon? Lime?

Mum: I know! How about Labbit?

ME: Labbit? *Was laughing then*

Edwin: Mama, "Rabbit" starts with "R" not "L"

Mum: Ohhh..

I still can recall the scene quite vividly. Well, can't blame Mum. Afterall, she isn't English educated. But I can tell you that my mum is a great woman. She tutored me (Chinese) till I was Primary School and without her, I believe I wouldn't be able to speak Teochew fluently. =)

Gareth Is Two Weeks Old!

2007-12-12T12:05:00.001+08:00

Gareth is two weeks old now...Confinement lady kept complaining that he didn't grow much. Well, I am not too worried. Afterall he's only two weeks old..I guess that's the problem of engaging confinement lady after birth. If I were a first-time mother, I would probably believe her and be very concerned. Also, many confinement ladies are not very pro-breastfeeding. Either they want the mummies to rest more at night or they want more sleep for themselves at night, hence they may keep advocating for formula milk. My confinement lady has four sons but she has never breastfed her children at all. Hmmm... now I just wish my 1 month confinement can quickly pass.

I notice this week Gareth is a lot more alert and he looks actively around the environment though I do not think he could see very far. One thing for sure, he loves looking at his big brother. Gareth could arch his back and turn his head to just have a look at Gregory whenever he hears Greg's voice. Heehee... I have also discovered that Gareth has a different cry when he is hungry and he wants milk - the rhythm of this cry was quite similar to the sound of an ambulance siren. Quite interesting isn't it?

One of my aunties (Mum's youngest sister) popped by to visit me. She stayed in Bukit Batok and she took a cab to come all the way to SengKang. Oh my gosh.. I think she must have spent a lot on cab fare. She bought me so much food, and I could see she loves babies. How nice if she stays near me.. I believe she wouldn't reject babysitting for me but sigh, Bukit Batok is so so far away. But anyway, thanks Xiao Yi, for everything. =)

Some Thoughts..

2007-12-10T17:12:00.001+08:00

Greg was sent to school today. Surprisingly, he didn't wail this morning when he left the house. However, I did hear that he cried in school when KengYong left him there. Somehow, the house seems empty without his presence. I feel odd. Hopefully, he gets adjusted to his usual school routine in no time.

Today is my cousin's wedding. Sigh... I cannot attend her wedding dinner as I am still doing my confinement after birth. I still remember the day when I went down to Mum's house during my lunchtime and Mum received a call from my sixth uncle to say that my cousin is getting married. I could see that Mum was so happy for her, but soon after, Mum commented that she may not live long enough to be present at her wedding. She's indeed right, as she ended her battle six months ago. However, I still remember trying to dispute what she said, and kept encouraging her to fight on. I wasn't in denial then but I was hoping so hard for miracles to happen. Miracles do happen, don't they?

Time really flies. Mum's away for half a year and Dad's away for one and half year. I wasn't present at that crucial point of time when both left the world. I had to be informed to rush down to hospital in both cases, and by the time I arrived, they had departed. Departed without saying any last words to me. Quite upset whenever I think about all these. Their absence during birth of Gareth and my confinement was greatly felt. I am grateful to have supportive siblings and genuinely concerned relatives as well as friends who have made my past 12 days bearable. Thank you all so so much.

How nice if Mum and Pa are around.. I believe they would be so proud of the new addition in the family, Gareth and the rest of their 6 grandchildren. Hmmm... maybe Greg shouldn't go to school today. Without him around, I seem to have time to think more..

Baby is 1 Week Old!

2007-12-05T16:47:00.001+08:00

Baby has turned a week old! He didn't seem to grow much. Maybe because I see him everyday. He's still jaundiced and has to be monitored every 2-3 days at the polyclinic. Hopefully, his jaundice level comes down fast. Breastfeeding this second baby is a lot easier than when I breastfed Greg. Perhaps it's because Greg had to stay in hospital for about a week after birth because of his severe jaundice level and I didn't get to latch him on directly to my breasts during feeding time on those days he was hospitalized whereas this baby has been with me since Day 1. This baby is also easy to breastfeed because he suckles well. Hopefully I can breastfeed him for at least 6months. See picture of baby below.

KengYong and I have named baby Gareth. It is a Welsh name and it means "gentle". Surprisingly, Greg has also given baby a name. Originally he chose Gareth but now he has changed his mind. I didn't know it until when my elder sister, Pearl asked me if the baby's name is Benedict. She said Greg told her that. Apparently, Greg went around telling people he met (including my neighbours) that his brother's name is Benedict! Well, KengYong said perhaps we should just name baby Benedict. On second thought, we realize that my cousin-in-law is also named Ben. Ahem, so I guess we are going to stick to "Gareth". His Chinese name is Lin Hong2 Jun4.

Pretend Play

2007-12-04T16:33:00.001+08:00

Greg loves to imitate what the adults do. Of late, he's quite curious with the process of breastfeeding. He asked plenty of questions about breasts and milk..I believe Greg couldn't remember I breastfed him when he was a baby. Afterall, I only breastfed him till he was four months old.

Greg (pointing to my breast while I was breastfeeding the baby): Mummy, what's this?
Me: It's Mummy's breast.
Greg: What's breast, Mummy?
Me: It's where Mummy's milk come from. Now didi is drinking milk.
Greg: Is breast like milk bottle like that?
Me: Hmmm... you can say that..
Greg: Mummy, can I hold the milk bottle for didi?
Me: Har???..

Interestingly, I caught Greg playing with my breastfeeding pillow when I went out of my room after my baby's feed one night. He was so quiet in my room that I decided to check on him... and to my surprise, he imitated what I did.. and he said his stuffed toy dog is his baby, and he's breastfeeding his dog! Oh my gosh! See picture below..

Greg and Baby

2007-12-03T16:15:00.001+08:00

Life with two young boys isn't easy. Gregory gets jealous over his little brother easily, though I can see that he does love his brother. He would display his discontentment whenever I breastfeed baby. He would whine, cry while sitting next to me till I finish breastfeeding the baby. Finally, one day he asked me..

Greg: Mummy, why didi has to drink your milk?

Me: Well Greggie, when you were a baby, Mummy also fed you with my milk. So now Mummy is also feeding didi with Mummy's milk..

Greg: I don't like didi drink your milk. Is it because didi has no small milk bottles? Mummy, I have small milk bottles. I can lend mine to didi. If didi wants my milk powder, I also can give. Just take from the kitchen...

Me: *absolutely stunned*

Though unhappy about the presence of his brother, Greg has never been physically violent (though he could be rough in his touch) towards the baby. He feels bored at home, but he adamantly refuses to return to school. There was once when I told him that he should return to school the next day, he became quite upset about it. Though there was some immediate change in his behaviour (e.g., he would not stop me from breastfeeding his brother, and would even bring the breastfeeding pillow to me; he would also offer the baby one of his pillows! etc), I thought I shouldn't bring up the topic of sending him back to school any more(until when the hfmd situation in school has cleared and it's time for him to return to school) because it felt more like a threat to me. I guess I have to be really careful in managing Greg. He has always been very sensitive and emotional.. probably worse when the second baby is out I feel. I really hope that Greg will adjust fine in no time, and that he and baby would get along well in future.

My Second Baby Has Arrived!

2007-11-29T15:38:00.001+08:00

The day has finally arrived. I took this picture of my tummy before I went KKH to deliver my baby on Thursday at 6+am. My cervix was 3cm dilated, and my gynaecologist decided to break my waterbag. I had my epidural at about 8+am when my contractions became really unbearable. My cervix was fully dilated at about 12pm but because my baby was not in the ideal position for birth (he's facing up though head was down), the midwives put me in various positions to push the baby out while they used their hands to turn the head of the baby. It was quite tedious because I had to go through this procedure for about two hours and my epidural medicine finished at 12+pm. The midwives convinced me not to top up the medicine because I suffered quite bad side effects from epidural (e.g., vomitting, shivering) and told me that baby would be out soon. The effects wore off at about 2pm and I had a hard time managing the pain till the baby decided to come out at about 2:30pm when the gynaecologist made her way to see me. KengYong was very supportive throughout the whole process; he even "pushed" the baby out with me by timing his own breathing to coincide with mine. I also had to thank Rina, my younger sister, who took leave to help me mind Gregory while I was in the hospital. I could see that Gregory had a great time with her and Regine.

When the baby was out, KengYong and I were so amazed that he looked so so much like Gregory. See pictures below (Left: Baby. Right: Gregory at birth). Baby was 3.455kg and 52cm long. He was a lovely baby, just like Gregory two years ago. I was discharged from KKH on Friday, a day after I have given birth. I was relieved that Baby didn't have jaundice on the first day, which Greg had gone through. Both boys look so much like KengYong, and they have the same blood group as their Daddy (A+) too.

Greg's First Pet

2007-11-23T14:03:00.001+08:00

Greg's teacher used to have a small fish tank in school and he was quite disappointed to find it gone after the school had a mini renovation mid this year. Yesterday evening we walked past an aquarium, and Greg loved watching the little fishes swimming in the tank. He was so excited when I told him that I have decided to get him a little fish tank so that he could rear some fish himself. The shop owner was quite kind to do up Greg's little aquarium and selected a type of fish that's easy to rear. All in all (including the fish food and a net), the shop owner charged me $10. I thought that was quite cheap!

Greg has all sorts of questions about his fishes... e.g.,
Greg: Mummy, why my fish never sleep?
Me: Fishes do sleep. It's just that they do not close their eyes when they are asleep.
Greg: But I never see my fish sleep...
Me: Your fishes maybe sleeping if they are not swimming about but their eyes would still be opened..
Greg: Yesterday I see them swim, now I see them swim... I don't think my fish sleep you know..
Me: Well, maybe they slept at the same time as you last night.. hahaha.

He's also very enthusiastic about feeding his fishes besides admiring them from outside the tank. He fed the fish once in the morning and half an hour later, he came running into my room with the bottle of fish food.
Greg: Mummy, mummy, I think my fish is hungry. Can I feed them?
Me: You just fed them not too long ago..
Greg: But I want to feed them.
Me: Remember the fish auntie said you cannot feed the fish so many times?? Only once a day..
Greg: Why?
Me: The fish will die if you feed them with too much food.
Greg: But the fish don't want to eat if they are not hungry..
Me: Nope Greggie. I said no means no. You are overfeeding your fish.
Greg: Why?
Me: (getting impatient) Your fish will die..
Greg: I want my fish to die..
Me: What? You want your fish to die?Why?
Greg: Mummy, can you get me new fish if my fish die?
Me: Nope. Now go keep the fish food or I am going to get really angry.
Sigh..maybe he's still too young to feel responsible for the fish.. I wonder if it's the right thing for me to get him the fishes now..

A 'Not-So-Negative' Poem to Share

2007-11-22T15:09:00.001+08:00

I am working today. I took MRT to CKTang during lunch to see if I could get Greg some formal clothes (because he has at least two wedding dinners to attend in December). On my way back to office, there was this pair of mother-son sitting diagonally opposite me in the train. Son was trying to concentrate on his handheld game whereas the Mother was teasing and distracting him. Son asked his mother to stop but she didn't. Son got quite angry and shouted at his mother when he lost his game. I guess the Mother must have felt a loss of face and she started whacking the boy from MRT and all the way to Square Two (they alighted at the same stop as I). I pitied the boy, really. Just thought that he didn't deserve so much repeated "physical humiliation" in public by his mother. Sigh... I thought the Mother was also naive and childish. She should have stopped making fun of her son once she knew she was irritating him. I believe I would never do such a thing to my kids... aiyo... or is it too early to say?... hahaha..

I am generally slowing myself down. Mood swings I still have but I guess the next poem that I would like to share isn't too negative.. haha. Here it is..

Do what makes you happy

So that your life doesn't feel empty

Be with who makes you smile

It helps to forget problems and make them seem so mild.

Laugh as much as you can

Remember that life can be shorter than counting from one to ten

Learn to cherish what you have

Love as much, as if you do not have much time left.

"I Don't Want To Go Back To School"

2007-11-21T14:58:00.001+08:00

Originally, KengYong and I planned to send Greg back to his childcare today but apparently the hfmd outbreak at his childcare centre has not been cleared. Greg has stopped going to school since last Tuesday and I noticed that he's getting too comfortable at home. He's now quite resistant to the idea of returning to school, his reason being "my house is nice and fun". We have received phone calls from the school today and yesterday that there are still children getting hfmd, so I guess we have to keep Greg at home for the next few days.

Anyway, today, Greg's form teacher T. Roze called. Greg, thinking that it was his daddy, ran to pick up the phone while I was preparing his lunch. I saw him keeping very quiet when he picked up the phone and I took the phone away from him. It was then that I realized his teacher called to give an update of the hfmd situation at childcare. Greg appeared very anxious after I put down the phone and kept asking why his teacher called.

Greg: Mummy, why Teacher Roze called me?

Me: What did teacher roze say to you?

Greg: I don't know. But why mummy? Why t roze called? T Roze wants me to go school?

Me: (laugh) You think so?

Greg: (nod his head) ...but I don't want to go to school.

Oh no! I seriously think that I would have a big problem sending him back to childcare when the place is cleared.

Saachi's mummy (Saachi is one of Greg's childcare mates) shared with me her way of getting Saachi motivated to return to school after a week of their overseas vacation. I decided to try her method on Greg.

Me: Greggie, remember just now T. Roze called? She said she misses you and she cried. She wanted to see you.

Greg: T. Roze cried?

Me: Ya. How about you going back to school to "sayang" her?

Greg: But I don't want to go back to school... (paused for a while) I think T. Roze'd better come to my house Mummy.

Me: ???

Sigh... this plan doesn't work... I guess I have to think of other ways now..

Still Waiting..

2007-11-20T14:36:00.001+08:00

Greg dozed off at home yesterday at about 2pm and it was raining cats and dogs. I decided to go for my gynae appointment at 2+pm without him. I did tell Greg in the morning that I would be going to see doctor and he could follow me if he's not napping. Anyway, I instructed Yanti to give me a ring when Greg woke up, and hurriedly I dashed off to KKH. Had my CTG done and my contractions were found to be erratic still. Gynae did a vaginal examination and my cervix has only dilated 1.5cm. Aiyo, 0.5cm more from last week. The progress seemed extremely slow. When I returned home, Greg had woken up already and was playing the Lego blocks with Yanti.

Greg: Mummy, you saw doctor at the hospital already?

Me: Yup. Why?

Greg: The doctor never take didi out yet? (To mentally prepare Greg, I told him a few days ago that I have to go hospital one day to "take didi out" and I have to stay in the hospital for a few days).

Me: No. Didi doesn't want to come out yet.

Greg: Why? The doctor is naughty?

Me: Har? Doctor naughty? What do you mean?

Greg: If doctor gives didi a sweet, didi may want to come out you know...

Me: (laughed out loud) Greggie, I don't think didi knows how to eat sweet yet.

Greg: Ohhh... how about I ask didi to come out?

Me: ok... you can try...

Greg: (with his eye brows knitted and arms crossed, looking at my tummy) Didi, you better come out fast!

Me: Why you talk so angrily to didi?

Greg: Oooh... (bent forward to talk to my tummy softly)... didi, can you please come out? I have sweet for you.

Me: Haha.. why do you want didi to come out now?

Greg: I want to hold didi's hand you know.. very nice one.

Well, I am sharing this conversation between Greg and I with you because I thought he's an amazingly sweet boy. =) Hope he and his didi will get along fine in future.

I had some blood discharge in evening yesterday and some cramps. They went off in the night and all was well till this morning when I started bleeding again. I am really unsure if they are caused by the gynae examination or it's the "show". Anyway, I guess I have to keep monitoring the symptoms... I am just concerned about rushing to the hospital too late and had to give birth to the baby in the car/ cab, and worse...at the void deck! Aiyo...or maybe I am thinking too much already... *keeping my fingers crossed and hoping all goes well*

I Am Still Around!

2007-11-17T11:10:00.001+08:00

Ooooh... I am getting somewhat anxious. Friends and relatives kept sms-ing me if I have given birth. My contractions are still irregular, and the baby has not shown any signs in wanting to face the world yet.I am getting nervy about it because the baby is growing bigger, and I am indeed concerned that he may be too big for me to push out if he drags any longer.Of course, I do experience a lot of back aches, heartburn and making frequent trips to the restroom. Sigh sigh sigh.. my tummy does seem to have been over-stretched and I am simply exhausted.

Well, I keep telling self to enjoy my pregnancy and to appreciate that the baby is still swimming happily inside me. I believe I am going to miss him inside me when he's out. In addition, I think my hands are going to be very full and I would have another set of challenging issues to manage when he's out. Just hope that he's going to be a healthy little boy and that he gets along well with everyone in the family, especially Gregory. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything is going to be fine.

1cm Dilated Already!

2007-11-15T11:09:00.001+08:00

I went for my gynae check on Monday when I was coming to 9.5months into pregnancy and Gynae said my cervix has dilated 1cm already! I was shocked and I thought this was fast. It took me three days to dilate that 1cm upon induction when I had Greg. Well, people always say that the subsequent pregnancies are always different from the first one and my muscles must have been a lot more laxed now after Greg wormed his way out in February 2005.

I had quite bad contractions on Monday evening, and I was so worried that I might pop any time. KengYong left on a business trip on Monday night so I sms-ed Rina to "stand-by" for a couple of days to help me with care of Greg if I pop. I also took a couple of days of MC to monitor my contractions and rest. Interestingly, my contractions have somewhat ceased.. perhaps it's because I laid in bed as much as I could. Well, I am glad that KengYong is back now and I am also back at work today. I hope to walk more so that my cervix dilates faster. However, many medical colleagues were shocked to see that I was back at work today because they felt that my tummy could "explode" anytime. My back sure aches more and baby seems very active moving around when I am at work.

It was kind of KengYong to take leave to spend sometime with Greg today. We couldn't bring Greg in to the childcare today because apparently there was a small outbreak of tummy flu and hand foot mouth disease at his school. Sigh. He was with me at home when I was on MC for the past two days. Greg cannot afford to be sick at this time just in case I go into labour, and KengYong may have a hard time managing us both. I guess I may have to take MC for tomorrow again so that I can keep Greg at home. How nice if my mum and dad are around.. life would certainly be a lot easier for me if they are present. *SAD*

Thanks to those who have sms-ed/ called me thinking that I could have popped... I would certainly keep you posted once baby is out!

Sentosa On Sunday

2007-11-11T16:06:00.001+08:00

Greg had been pestering us to bring him to Sentosa. KengYong and I were wondering how he came to know about this place, as we have not talked about it, and the last time we took him there via cable car was when he was about 1 year+. Anyway, we promised to bring him to Sentosa on Sunday morning if the weather was good. Greg was happy admiring the environment around when he was in the cable car, but I think he's a little scared because he kept asking KengYong to hold him. After the cable car ride, we drove in to Sentosa because Greg wanted to play sand on the beach. We went to Siloso Beach and on our way to the beach, he spotted the place where he could play Luge. He insisted that he wanted to play Luge with KengYong after his sand play.

Greg's height was measured at the Luge station where KengYong purchased the tickets, and was re-measured again before he and KengYong took the "sky-bench" up. Apparently, the minimum height for the kids to play was 90cm if accompanied by adults and luckily, Greg's height is slightly above 90cm (sigh! He didn't grow much!). Actually, I was quite worried about him taking the "sky-bench" up because the staff said they could not do much if Greg decided not to sit on it half way through. Anyway, I guess I was overly worried for nothing. Greg seemed brave enough to take it, and he nodded his head when I asked him if he really wanted to do it just before he hopped onto the "sky-bench". Well, he appeared thrilled to be able to take Luge with KengYong when I received them at the end point and Greg had wanted to go another time!
Greg: Mummy, you go up with me can?
Me: No. Mummy can't.
Greg: Why? Your tummy too big?
Me: Yes. Mummy has didi inside. Not safe for Mummy to play the Luge. Next time ok? When Didi comes out, Mummy takes the Luge with you.
Greg: Why Didi so long still doesn't wanna come out??? *pulling a long face*

Anyway, just before he napped at home, he asked if his cousins (Edwin, Roy, Xian, Regine and Reuben) can go Sentosa and take Luge with him the next time.. hmmm.. I guess I should organize one family gathering at Sentosa when Edwin returns from his China exchange programme trip. It should be fun! =)

Greg's First Few Proper Drawings

2007-11-10T21:08:00.001+08:00

Instead of doodling on paper, I noticed that Greg's drawings have become more purposeful over the past couple of weeks. Since he was one, he started drawing lines from circles to form balloons, and drawing lines to match shapes. Of late, he requested that I showed him how to do proper drawing. I have drawn him pictures of man (e.g., stick figures), house, sun, dog, fish and tree in simplified form. Interestingly, I noticed that he has made some attempts to draw them on his own. Picture on the left: He asked if he could draw me just now. He asked me to sit still while he was trying to "sketch" me. It was quite a good attempt though he didn't draw me any legs/ mouth/ nose! Afterall, this is his first drawing of a stick figure and I thought he drew "me" pretty well! Picture on the right: His first tree drawn.

KengYong and I are left-handers. Strangely, Greg isn't. Well, Greg certainly makes a better artist than KengYong and I, doesn't he?

O'Kids Spot on Saturday Morning

2007-11-10T14:00:00.001+08:00

After the fun we had at Delta Sports Complex on the Thursday that passed, Rina and I decided to meet at O'Kids Spot at Orchid Country Club on Saturday morning. It's another indoor playground - it's scale is bigger than the one at Atlantis but smaller than Gogobambini. As usual, I missed out the fun.. I could only be the photographer while the rest had fun climbing here and sliding there. Both Rina and KengYong still prefer the indoor playground at Gogobambini to the one at O'Kids Spot. KengYong found the tunnels in the latter too small and frustrating for an adult to crawl whereas Rina felt that the playground at Gogobambini has more cushion and is safer. Greg had some bruises after playing at O'Kids Spot (e.g., on the right side of his face, knees and elbows). Aiyo... doubt we would go O'Kids Spot again. However, I think little Regine has a different verdict from the rest; Though she's so young and small, she's always so adventurous to climb, crawl and slide, even at great heights. She's often spotted running about in the playground with a wide smile on her face! =)

A Fun Deepavali Morning

2007-11-08T16:10:00.001+08:00

Rina and I had originally arranged to visit the Zoo on Deepavali morning but it rained. So we decided to explore the new SOL playground cafe at Turf City. It was such a big disappointment. It did have an indoor play area and an outdoor playground. Unfortunately, the playground outside was wet and the toys in the play area were either lousy or were out of order. Besides, the staff took a long time to serve us our drinks and I thought their food isn't cheap. At first we thought of moving on to Gogobambini but we had been there too many times and I believed it's going to be very crowded on a public holiday. Anyway, our final decision is to bring Regine and Greg to Atlantis at Delta Sports Complex. It's Greg's second time visiting the Atlantis. Greg had a great time playing there, because Rina and Regine joined in the fun. It's always more fun and merrier when there are more people you know play with you. Too bad I could not join in... *sobsob*

Teacher's Birthday

2007-11-07T06:56:00.001+08:00

Teacher Roze's birthday falls on 13 Nov. However, she would be not around at school from Deepavali till end of next week. Teacher Roze is one devoted teacher at learning vision and I know she usually puts in her very best in her work role. Greg is fortunate to have her as his form teacher and I can see that all the kids in her class love her a lot. Anyway, Susanna (another mummy) and I decided to spring her a little birthday surprise yesterday morning because that's the only day this week that she started work at 7am. Got her a slice of chocolate cake from CHOCZ because Sue said Teacher Roze loves chocolate. Greg and I met Edna (Greg's classmate) and Sue at 7:45am outside the childcare centre. We stuck the candle in the little cake and got Greg and Edna to bring it to Teacher Roze. I guess it's still too early in the morning, and everyone looked as though they have just woken up. KengYong was the photographer and aiyoooo... he only managed to take one shot! Well, he said everything happened too quickly and he didn't have time to get a good angle woh.... anyway, hope Teacher Roze liked the little surprise yesterday morning.

Also, thanks to Teacher Maeve (Greg's ex-Shichida teacher and she's a great MayDay fan) again for providing me with lots of information on MayDay albums. Teacher Roze likes one of the MayDay songs and originally I thought of getting her that CD (with that song) as a birthday gift. Luckily I checked with Teacher Roze and found out that she has that CD already. Then I thought I could get her other MayDay albums, but I couldn't quite appreciate those fast beat songs (don't mean to offend you Teacher Maeve... I think I am too old for those songs but I do believe their songs are nice). Anyway, I decided not to get any albums because I doubt Teacher Roze is a true MayDay fan. Eventually, after much thought, I got her something else with a little poem on it. Yanti taught Greg how to say Happy Birthday to Teacher Roze in Malay but ended up Greg preferred to say "Selamat Hari Raya"..aiyo, so I didn't dare to ask Greg to say it to Teacher Roze just in case he said it wrongly.. anyway, Greg was quite upset about me getting such a small cake for his teacher and he came to "confront" me yesterday evening..

Greg: Mummy, why is there only one little cake for Teacher Roze?

ME: It's Teacher Roze's birthday, so that cake is for her. Teacher Roze cannot finish the whole cake if we get that.

Greg: But I don't have.

ME: It's not your birthday Greggie.

Greg: But I want to eat the cake...

ME: I'll get you one next time ok..

Greg: Teacher Roze also never share the cake with me..

ME: I told you the cake is for Teacher Roze, not for you. It's not your birthday..

Greg: But Teacher Roze never eat the cake..

ME: Maybe Teacher Roze eats it later..

Greg: I never see..

I guess he must be eyeing the cake the whole day yesterday... poor fellow. I think I shall go get him one later.. hmmm...

Still Can't Let Go..

2007-11-06T12:52:00.001+08:00

One relative of mine sms-ed me to say that she read my blog (especially those on my parents) and she cried. I felt sad instantly. I felt sad because it triggered my sad memories. Even now when I attempt to read my older posts, tears start welling up in my eyes again. It has been five months since Mum has left. I may have moved on with my life superficially, but deep down inside me, there's still this strong streak of sadness. It has never been easy for me to let things go.. I am probably just waiting for time to heal my emotions. Anyway, I just want to apologize to those who have been upsetted by my blog or if my entries have made you cry. I really didn't mean it.

A few days ago, I had a mid 50s female patient who saw me in my clinic. I just thought that she's one of those who are so fortunate. She has a perfect family (including both her elderly parents, husband and three grown up sons) and her life has been smooth sailing until her mother-in-law died sometime mid this year. It's the first time she experienced the loss of a loved one and the first time she saw a dead body. I know it's not possible but how nice if everyone experiences losses only at a later stage of their life. Or maybe it doesn't make any difference. I don't know. On the other end, I have a friend (about the same age as I) who has had lost her father-in-law, mother and mother-in-law within this year. The deaths of her in-laws were sudden. I also wonder how she and her husband cope.. well, I believe there are worse cases in this world.

I am not trying to compare here, but I believe everyone has their own lives to lead and our lives are so different from one another. Though I miss my parents terribly (sometimes I even deceived myself that they went on a very long trip to somewhere. How silly right?), I try not to engage in self-pity and hopefully, yes hopefully one day I could move on "fully" with my life.. Honestly speaking, I just can't help but to envy people at my age who still have both parents/ at least a parent with them.. well, I am just not one of the fortunate ones I guess.

Weekend Hotel Stay

2007-11-04T16:16:00.001+08:00

KengYong had a free one night stay offer at Ritz Carlton Hotel Singapore and we decided to use it this weekend. We thought we had better used it before our second boy decides to make his appearance into this world. On Saturday morning, we were busy packing our luggage and even for a night stay at the hotel, we had to lug so many things there. Of course, most of them belong to Gregory. I really cannot imagine how many luggages we have to bring along with us if we were to travel overseas with two boys for more than two days in future! Below is a picture of Gregory enthusiastically pulling the big luggage bag out of the house.. he has packed his stuffed toy dog and giraffe into the little orange haversack he's carrying. It's a must that he bring them along...otherwise, he would not be able to sleep well.

We arrived at the hotel at about 12+pm. The ambience there was grand and nice. We were given apple juice/ strawberry iced tea on arrival, and free flow of cookies. The room was also quite big and comfortable. Greg was so excited that he couldn't nap so we brought him down for a swim.

After his swim, he took a nap while KengYong and I decided to shop around Marina Square. Our helper kept an eye on Greg while we went shopping but Greg napped for no more than an hour that afternoon. Yanti called us to inform that Greg has woken up. I guess he's too excited about the stay in the hotel. Anyway, to keep him entertained before we had our dinner, we walked around the Millenia Walk and Marina Square. Greg went into a shop and I was showing him a big black scarf. He said if the scarf were to be put around his head, he would look like Teacher Salimah (one of the teachers in his childcare who wears tudung). Yanti laughed and without hesitation, she folded the scarf and placed it on Greg's head. I quickly dished out my camera and took a photo...haha.. he looked quite girlish with the "tudung" on, and he kept saying that he's "teacher salimah"... I wonder how Teacher Salimah would feel if she knows about it..

We met Rina for dinner at Imperial, Marina Square before we headed to the little play area at Kiddy Palace, so as to keep little Regine and Gregory occupied. Below on the left is the picture of Rina enjoying her food, taken by Gregory. Photo of Greg and Regine on a swing is on the right.

It was indeed a tiring Saturday for me. I was so exhausted by 9pm but Greg was still so full of energy despite the fact that he only napped for less than an hour that afternoon. Anyway, I woke up at about 8am on Sunday whilst KengYong and Greg were still snoring away. I decided to use the hotel's bathtub to have a relaxing morning bath. See picture below: I filled up the tub with water and the bath salt (provided by the hotel).

I had a quick shower at the shower area, and as I made my way to the bathtub, suddenly someone opened the toilet door (cannot be locked) and said, "Mummy, what are you doing?"... aiya... there went my relaxing morning bath! *sobsob* Still, I jumped into the water, and soaked myself for a while before I decided to change into my clothes. How I wish he could sleep longer.. always waking up at the wrong time!

Asked Greg how he felt about the trip, he said "I am so tired. Even dogdog and giraffe are tired". I asked him how he knew his stuffed toys were tired... and well, he showed me a photo he took (see below).. hmmm..
Well, it is indeed a tiring weekend for Greg, KengYong and I though it was just a one night hotel stay in Singapore. However, it's certainly a weekend different from the ones we usually have. =)

I'm Back!

2007-11-02T08:55:00.001+08:00

Some of you thought I have "popped" because I had no entries for the past few days... well, I am still around, and my little baby is still swimming happily within me. I had not been able to blog for the past few days because I was attending a Schema Therapy Course at GrandCopthorne Hotel during the day and I was so exhausted by evening that I didn't have much energy to do anything else but to laze on my bed. I had wanted to attend the course back in 1999 when it was conducted in Australia, but I was a poor postgraduate student then. I had to give the course a miss because I had difficulties with my daily expenses when I was doing my masters there and I didn't think it was nice to ask my father to transfer more money into my account. Heehee, I am glad that I am still able to attend it after so many years... =)

By the way, if you know me well enough, you know that I usually sms friends and relatives quite frequently... just to find out how they are. I have a friend whom I met when I was in Australia back in 1998. He was my Secondary school friend's younger brother and during that time when I left for Brisbane to do my Masters, his sister contacted me and requested that I kept an eye on him. He's my little sister's age, and even till now I can still recall those times he cycled down to my house to study/ chat after school. Well, we were constantly in contact when we returned to Singapore in 2000, and he was doing really well in his work and love life. He was in this long distant relationship with a Thai girl, and they planned to get married late last year. My dad passed away in June last year. He called to apologize that he was unable to attend the wake because he was getting married at the end of the year, and that he couldn't invite me for his wedding. Well, I was fine with that and I could understand where he was coming from. Neither would I want to bring any ill luck to him. Nevertheless, we drifted apart after that. I had many issues to deal with myself since Dad's passing (e.g., my abortion, Mum's unwell etc etc) and he was probably busy preparing for his wedding. Mum passed away in June this year and he knew it through his sister. He came with his sister to the wake. I asked him about his married life but I was shocked and upset when he told me his wife passed away last year in the car accident when he was driving in Thailand. Life was so unpredictable.. I still remember him feeling so happy and excited about his wedding, and never little would I expect that such an unfortunate thing would happen to him. He did go through a lot of pain and suffering but I believe his family would always be there for him. I didn't know why but I suddenly felt that I needed to sms him yesternight, just to see how he is in general. He replied in his sms that yesterday was his wife's first death anniversary. I felt so sorry. Also I didn't know it's his wife's death anniversary yesterday. I sincerely hope that he could stand up strong again one day.

It's indeed one great loss one could experience in life and it's something not easy to grapple with. I don't know if I were him I could be as strong as him to be able to move on with my life. Somehow his life story has reminded me that it's very important to cherish what one has, and not lament on what one doesn't have. Try not to make comparisons to create stress and distress for self and if possible, be contented with self and life.. no one and no life is perfect..

Good or Bad?

2007-10-26T09:15:00.001+08:00

On weekday mornings, Greg loves to make a detour to my office in B1 then take an escalator up to level 3 before climbing up two long flight of stairs to arrive at his childcare. Level 3 is the Day Surgery Department and Greg always have this idea that any patients driven in by an ambulance would be taken to this department. This morning, he kept looking into that department, as if he was searching for someone.
ME: Hurry Up Greg. Mummy's late for work already.
GREG: Oh... ok.
ME: Who are you looking at?
GREG: Teacher Roze's brother is in hospital, Mummy.
ME: Teacher Roze's brother?
GREG: Err... no. I think it's Teacher Roze's mummy.
ME: Har? Teacher Roze's Mummy?
GREG: Yes Mummy,it's Teacher Roze's mummy. Teacher Roze is very upset you know..

I was shocked to hear these from little Gregory this morning. I do know his teacher has been going through a rough patch of late, but I have not shared the details with him. Neither do I think Teacher Roze would display her emotions in front of the young children. I really wonder how did he know his teacher was upset.. Anyway, I checked with his teacher and she said her boyfriend's grandmother was hospitalized. She added that the children and her made a get well card yesterday for her boyfriend's grandmother..Hmm...

Anyway, I thought Greg was too emotionally sensitive. I know he could empathize pretty well at his young age, and I wonder if I should be blamed for making him mature so early. I was three months pregnant with him when Mum started to become quite ill and I cried a lot throughout my pregnancy.Gregory isn't even three years old yet but over the past two years, there had been so many unfortunate events happened within my family. I believe these experiences did have an impact on him, directly or indirectly. I am glad that he understands emotions and could empathize well so young, but I am not sure if it's a good thing that he matures so quickly in this aspect..this sets me thinking if the mood of the pregnant mother does affect the personality of the baby.. what do you think?

Some thoughts..

2007-10-25T13:27:00.001+08:00

A close relative of mine has been feeling low. She's like a mother to me, and when she called me to share her woes with me, I felt so helpless. I guess the only thing I could do is to just lend her my listening ear. She was so close to Mum that they used to share so many secrets over teleconversations. Now that Mum's gone, I could also sense that she felt lost. Anyway, Rina and I decided to take half a day off to go visit her at home yesterday. She was so delighted that she cooked so much for our lunch - there's teochew pomfret, spicy curry chicken, lotus soup and vegetables with ikan bilis. She must have guessed that Rina and I had not been having all these delicacies for some time. I love homecooked food, and have not tasted such nice foods since Mum's gone. We spent the whole afternoon with her at her house. I could feel my heart pierced when she broke down in front of us eventually. At that moment, I wondered if I had ever upsetted my own Mum before.. I think I would not be able to forgive myself if I ever witness Mum cry over some of the things I have/ have not done. Sometimes, we do not know how/ have forgotten to cherish someone until we have lost that someone. Quite sad huh?... and I suppose it's pointless crying over split milk/ feeling guilty only when the loss sets in.

Of course, when it comes to work and seeing my own patients, I am able to draw the line very clearly, and so far, I have not been emotionally affected in my job. Somehow, it's just so different when things happened to people close to me. I will get somewhat affected when I come to know that these people are feeling sad and inside me, I feel that I need to do something to help. Hmm... not good this way because it seems to me that I could only be happy if people around me who are close to me are happy..well, I guess afterall I am only a normal human being.. and I do not live alone in this world.

Thanks to Teacher Maeve!

2007-10-23T10:25:00.002+08:00

I have lost touch with Chinese songs ever since I have Greg. I guess I now know more about Barney and Hi5 songs than any other songs. Isn't that quite sad? Nevertheless, I came across this Chinese song "Too Much" by "Chen2 Qi3 Zhen1" in Teacher Maeve's blog and I love it instantly. To me, this song could stir up many emotions and inspiration. It's also quite relaxing to hear at the end of a hard day's work I feel. Let me know if you like it too ya?

According to Teacher Maeve, the CD isn't available in market at the moment but she's kind enough to email me the html of this song before she changes her song in her blog to another of her favourite song. Heehee.. thanks Teacher Maeve! It's really nice of you! =)

Lesson Learnt: Never Assume

2007-10-23T09:04:00.001+08:00

Last evening after dinner, Greg came to me and said he wanted to pass motion. I brought him to the toilet and put him on his kiddy cover over the adult toilet bowl. When he heard a "thud" sound,

Greg: Mummy, I passed out one already you know. Can you hear that?
Me: Yes. I can hear it.
Greg: Mummy, can I come down and see my poo-poo in the water?
Me: Well, ok..
I helped Greg down and he went "aaaahhh" when he was watching his faeces.
Me: Come on Greg, enough. Time for Mummy wash your backside.
Greg: Ok..
Greg walked into the shower area and squatted down. After washing his buttocks, I went to wash my hands with dettol at the washing basin. I noticed that he was still squatting at the shower area.
Me: Hello Greg. I have finished washing your backside and you can come out already.
Greg: Oh... ok.
Greg walked out of the shower area, and it's only then I noticed one cute lump of faeces on the floor in the area where he squatted.
Me: Har? You poopoo again?
Greg: Mummy, I never say I finish poopoo just now... Mummy also never ask me..

Well, what he said was so innocently true. Greg had only requested to come down from the toilet seat to have a look at his faeces and he didn't say that he has finished poopoo-ing. Sigh.. I guess I have also overlooked and assumed that he has completed doing his "big business" then... I should have asked him... aiyo...what a mess he has created but it isn't his fault, is it?

Stop Plagiarism

2007-10-22T13:14:00.002+08:00

I received a sms from my cousin this morning, asking me if it's ok for her to put my poem in her blog. I am absolutely fine with that if my permission has been sought and the source cited. I have been feeling quite disturbed over the past few weeks to learn from a few friends that they have seen my poems (or poems quite similar to mine) published in other blogs. It's not that I think my poems are very good or that I am not keen to share. I really wonder how could anyone in this world use my poems, simply change some words and pass them off as theirs.. this is plagiarism ok!! It's like someone has stolen something personal from me and I sincerely hope that these people could show me some respect in this area. Sigh... I guess there's nothing much that I can do about it right?.. =(

Wish I Could Turn Back the Clock

2007-10-21T08:40:00.001+08:00

We had dinner with my father-in-law in Punggol yesterday evening and decided to head to Compass Point after that because Greg wanted to play some games at TimeZone. KengYong, Father-in-law and Greg headed for TimeZone, whereas Yanti and I did some grocery shopping at Cold Storage. I walked past Eu Yan Sen and decided to get some Chinese herbs for my confinement period after delivery.

As Yanti and I were looking around, I saw another pregnant woman discussing with her mother the types of herbs to buy for her confinement. Instantaneously, I could sense tears welling up in my eyes and all of the sudden, I felt very down. Many thoughts rushed to my mind, and I had to slow myself down to sort my thoughts out. While waiting to make payment, the shop staff must have been shocked to see my eyes red and wet. So was Yanti. She was asking me some things and when she realized that I looked sad, she kept quiet. I was trying so hard to hold my emotions back but I noticed that I was sniffing away and swallowing lots of saliva down. Anyway, Yanti was kind enough to leave me alone and helped me carry my bags of grocery and herbs.

Well, what was wrong with me? I believe deep within me, I still miss my parents. I didn't have to worry a thing previously because I knew that with them around, they would settle everything for me from A-Z. I wouldn't forget that when I had Greg, Mum would make sure that I had a balanced meal all the time and I got to eat whatever tonics she felt necessary. Neither would I be able to erase those memories in which Pa was always buying me fresh foods and brought them all the way down to my house in SengKang during my confinement period more than once a week. Perhaps I had taken many things for granted previously, and I had not been independent enough all these years. Well, it's going to be difficult but I guess I need to remind myself that my confinement period at the end of this year will be different. Hopefully, I do not get postnatal depression. =(

On second thought, I am blessed to have such good parents for the past 30 odd years. Though I may not stand out amongst my three other siblings, I do believe they cared for us in their own ways. Pearl, being the eldest child, had been apparently the princess whom my parents most doted on. Raymond comes next. He's the only son and the one who has the highest academic achievements throughout his schooling years. Of course, he's my parents' hot favourite! Next is me. The "cry baby", as Raymond used to tease me. Just an ordinary child (though some described me as rebellious) and the only one who is left-handed in the family. Last is my little sister, Rina. A child whom my parents worried least (and she's a gem too!) because Mum believed she's generally very matured and understanding since young. She's also the one who played a major role in the care of Mum when Mum was ill. Sigh..Now that both my parents are gone, they seem so near.. but yet so far away.. *sob sob*

Another picture of me with Mum and Dad, on the morning of my wedding day, before I put on my wedding gown. I realized that I didn't have many photos with Mum and Dad when they were around.. how nice if I could turn back the clock..

My Saturday..

2007-10-20T17:35:00.001+08:00

Greg has suddenly requested to sit on the adult toilet bowl when he wanted to pass motion this morning and yes, he managed to poo successfully without any fear.. he has been using his little potty all these while. Hurray! I don't have scrub and wash his potty anymore! Heehee. I could sense his pride in his little achievement this morning and I am also proud of him! Well done, Gregory!

We decided to go airport this morning to spring KengYong a surprise. Originally we had to attend a housewarming gathering at a friend's house, but we decided to detour to the airport first. KengYong didn't know we were at the airport waiting for him, and Greg was so thrilled when he met his daddy. I guess he must have missed KengYong for the past four days.

(Above pictures: Greg was happily waiting for his daddy and keeping a lookout for him. Pictures in the second row: Left - Greg was more concerned with the gift his daddy has got for him than anything else. Right - Greg helped KengYong manage his luggage). Hmmm... I wonder how KengYong felt about this surprise that we have sprung on him..

Well, we didn't miss the fun at HuiSan's housewarming gathering. We managed to arrive there at about 11am. Greg met some of his classmates there - Rayhan and Edna and they had a great time together. Kovan Melody is indeed quite nice place. The playground is so well-liked by the kids and this condominium has many fun pools. Last but not least, I must say HuiSan has a warm and cozy home. I had a great time there too! =)

My Saturday morning passed very quickly... *sob sob* it'd be my working Saturday next week..

Just Another Poem

2007-10-18T15:30:00.001+08:00

Just to share with you another poem.. it's for another person whom I know. I thought you have been fighting the 'battle' well.. please continue to press on and I sincerely hope that you can get out of it soon. Do contact me if you need to talk ok?

It must have been hard for you to always put up a brave front

Especially when you are the only one who feel the brunt

It has nothing to do with whether you are at fault

This is a part of your life and focus on what you have got.

Instead of pondering over the many 'why' questions

It could be more fruitful to think about the possible solutions

Such loss can be difficult to express and describe

But you have already done your best and with all your might.

Thoughts of harming yourself and ending your life may have hit you

They are NOT your solutions, making it hard for you to start anew

Your battle still has to go on

Hang in there and you may come out of it feeling strong.

School Excursion to the Zoo

2007-10-18T06:18:00.001+08:00

Greg was so excited about his zoo trip on Wednesday morning. This wasn't his first time going to the zoo, but it's definitely his first time with his friends and teachers there. Kengyong was supposed to accompany him for the trip but unfortunately he had to leave for Malaysia on a business trip till this weekend. Hence, I had to follow Greg along. Anyway, Greg usually doesn't care about me when I go on such school excursions with him. Unfortunately not all his friends went this time. Only 4 of his classmates (Rayhan, Kenghow, Saachi and Maevis) signed up for the trip. Nevertheless, he still looked forward to having fun with his teachers and friends there. He was always on a lookout for Teacher Roze that morning in case he was left behind at school. Even when I told him I needed to go to the toilet before we left, he kept hurrying me and was worried that everyone might leave for the zoo without us. I could really sense his excitement and anxiety. (Above pictures: Top - Greg took a picture with Saachi at the front door of his childcare centre when he spotted her. He held her hands and told her to hurry up because she arrived late. Middle - Greg, KengHow and Rayhan were waiting patiently at TTSH level 1 for the bus to pick them up. Below - Greg and Rayhan met Maevis at the zoo entrance and they decided to pose for a picture. )

One of the highlights of the trip was the mini workshop, in which the children could learn about some small animals and go really up close and personal with these animals. Greg was not keen on touching the chinchilla at first but upon witnessing Rayhan do it, he decided to give it a try. He was so excited after a stroke on the animal and told me that the 'chin chin' is so soft and furry. See picture below.

The heat yesterday morning was unbearable. I was perspiring profusely while dragging my feet along. We went to watch the elephant show (I think it's Greg's fifth time watching it). He remained excited about it, because he told his friend Saachi enthusiastically what to expect next in the show. Greg loves watching the elephants use their trunk to carry the long, heavy logs.
Greg: Mummy, you see, the elephants are so strong...
Me: Ya. Do you know why elephants are so strong?
Greg: Why?
Me: They eat lots of vegetables and fruits you know..
Greg: I also eat vegetables and fruits Mummy. Am I strong, like the elephants?
Me: It'd be nice if you can eat more vegetables Greggie..
Greg: Mummy, if I eat a lot a lot of vegetables, will my nose grow so long and strong, like the elephants?
Me: Of course not, silly boy.
Saachi's mum was laughing away while I was trying to explain why his nose wouldn't grow longer even if he consumes more vegetables.

We had our kfc lunch after watching the elephant show. Above photos: Left - Greg and Saachi were pretending to be prisoners behind bars while waiting for their lunch. Right - Rayhan, Greg and Saachi were holding hands and running about after their lunch. The kids were generally full of energy and we went on to look at some other animals (e.g., baboon, tiger, hippo). Soon it was time we had to head back to the childcare centre. Most kids were so tired that they napped in the bus. Greg remained very awake throughout the journey back, and took his nap at school whereas I had to return to work for the other half of the day. Picture below - Greg was waving goodbye as we were waiting for our turn to board the bus.

It was a tiring day for me but an enjoyable one for Greg I believe..

A Poem for a Friend

2007-10-17T16:00:00.001+08:00

A friend of mine has constantly been in a conflictual relationship with her mother-in-law and lately she emailed me a very long letter ventilating her frustrations. I believe it takes two hands to clap in any relationships, and many times it's difficult to really tell who's right and who's wrong. Of course, I would offer my friend as much support as I could, hoping that she would feel and cope better.

I had (and still have) my fair share of woe in close relationships though I do not have a mother-in-law now. I believe misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable in almost all human interactions. I can't seem to forget hurtful incidents but I suppose I have forgiven and moved on. As the saying goes, "Once bitten twice shy", my fears that history may repeat itself remain. I must say that I am not courageous enough to take any form of risk to get myself hurt currently because I know if things were to happen again now, I will not have my mum and dad to turn to. I do not wish to get myself caught in that kind of situation. Or maybe I have become less brave and gungho with age? I am not sure..

Anyway, here's a little poem for my friend who's still struggling with her problems.

Sometimes I sit and stare
I wonder if life is really so unfair
Is it a matter of my perception
Or of myself and people around, I have a certain level of expectation?

I have now learnt to do what I can in my designated role
Pursuing my unhappy past can be quite a toil
Though you may feel that you are never in the wrong
Your spouse may not understand, hence making your relationship less strong

There are things in our life we can't change and control
Grudges we bear, it may be better to let them go
I know it's going to be tough but try to be forgiving
It's only then that your life may have more meaning.

Hey pal, you know who you are. By the time you read this, I hope you have already felt better. Give yourself some more time to calm down and move on. I know very often it's easier said than done... life is indeed short. No point harbouring so much hatred towards a person and getting yourself so distressed. Focus on what you have been blessed with and be happy ok?..

Can I Help You Draw?

2007-10-17T06:25:00.001+08:00

I laid on my bed to rest, and Greg joined me yesterday evening. Suddenly, Greg witnessed my tummy move vigorously and he quickly flipped open my shirt.
Greg: Mummy, your tummy is moving..see..
Me: Ya.. Didi is moving inside.
Greg: Ooohh... Mummy, why is there a brown line on your tummy? (pointing to the linea nigra)
Me: When you/ Didi are inside Mummy's tummy, Mummy will have this line.. (trying to explain that it's part of pregnancy)
Greg: Did Daddy draw the line? ...Why did Daddy draw the line Mummy?
Before I could explain..
Greg: Because your tummy moves and it's painful?? Mummy, is your tummy still painful? I help you draw another line can?
Me: ???
Then Greg ran off and came back to me with a brown colour pencil..
Greg: Or Mummy, I help you draw circles on your tummy since your tummy is so round?..

Inside my heart, I went "Oh no!". I explained to Greg one more time but I doubt he has understood what I was trying to tell him. Anyway, knowing that I disallowed him to doodle on my tummy, he ran off to ask Yanti if he could doodle on her hands... Aiyo!

My New Fashion Consultant

2007-10-16T16:45:00.001+08:00

I have been rather sick of putting on my maternity pants and top every morning when going to work. This morning, I decided to try something new. I wore a sleeveless ethnic Indian brown top and an outer dress-like garment over it. I did think I looked weird but I thought it was quite fun dressing up this way. Walked to hubby while he was brushing teeth and he nearly got himself choked with the thick colgate in his mouth. Asked him if I looked funny, and he replied 'a bit'. I gave him a disappointed look and immediately he said, "ok lah!". So happily, I skipped to the kitchen to have my breakfast.

Greg woke up at about 7am this morning. I heard him calling me so I walked into his room.

Greg (looking puzzled but didn't seem fully awake): Mummy, why you wear like that?

Me: Like what?

Greg: You look very funny you know... *greg smiling away*

Me: I look funny?? Not nice you mean?

Greg (nodded his head): Not nice. Go change Mummy. Go.

So sad... in the end I decided to change into my usual black top and pants. So solemn and not creative at all... but Greg upon seeing me in my usual working clothes, he said, "Mummy, now you look nice". Hubby laughed at me for listening to Greg. Well, I guess at least Greg was honest in his comments... hmmm... now when I think about it, since when did Greg become my fashion consultant??!! Hmmm..

Greg's New Hairdo

2007-10-14T21:00:00.001+08:00

Hubby returned to Singapore on late Saturday night. When he woke up the next morning, he commented that Greg's hair has grown longer and more messy. Greg's a very active boy and he perspires profusely whenever he carries out any physical activities. His hair will always be very wet, as if he just has it washed. Hubby and I decided to get him go for his haircut on Sunday morning.

Me: Greggie, we are going to bring you for a haircut ok?
Greg: No. I don't want.
Me: But your hair is so long and Daddy says your hair looks messy you know.
Greg: Mummy, are you going to cut your hair?
Me: No.
Greg: But Mummy, your hair is so long! Mine is shorter than yours. See... (pointing to his own hair)
Me: You are a boy so it'd be neater for you to have short hair. Mummy is a girl. Girls can have longer hair.
Greg: Why Mummy? Can I be a girl? I don't want to go for my haircut..
Me: ????

Anyway, we brought Greg to a $10 haircut shop at Compass Point and he looked quite apprehensive while waiting for his turn. He requested to sit on my lap when his turn came. He teared at the beginning but stopped after a very short while. When he saw his hair shaved, he exclaimed, "Mummy, see... I have no hair now". I had to reassure him that he still has his hair but it's just very short now. It was only after the hairdresser told him he looked good then he started smiling. He was so happy that he said he wanted to tell his form teacher (Teacher Roze) and friends about his new hairdo. I guess the hairdresser must have boosted his self-esteem quite a fair bit! Heehee. He also happily posed for me after his haircut in the two pictures above.

Wet Hari Raya

2007-10-13T21:00:00.001+08:00

It was a cool Hari Raya morning. Rina, LiPing and I decided to bring our kids to the new Jacob Ballas Garden located at Bukit Timah. Greg and Ryan were so excited when we arrived at the garden but I must say I was quite disappointed with the place. Perhaps it was extremely crowded on a Saturday morning. The treehouse was so filled with kids and many young kids came down from the covered slides crying away. Yanti took the slide and felt that it was too steep for very young children. She even had some abrasions after taking the slide. I thought there should be some safety signs indicating the minimum age for children to use the slides.

The garden itself was so small that we couldn't find a comfortable place to put our picnic mats and for the kids to play with balls, bubbles and badminton. In addition, the constant morning rain also dampened our mood for a fun picnic there. We did manage to take some photos, but I doubt I would be returning to this garden again so soon. Above photos: It was such a challenge to take a snapshot of the four kids together and making sure that they looked at the camera. The first photo was taken in a small manmade cave with a mini waterfall. We were hiding from the rain then. The second picture was taken at the suspended bridge when Ryan and Greg were running across it. The picture below was taken when we were hiding (from the rain again!) near the classrooms where the covered area is. The kids rested there and had a mini biscuits feast before they took out their watercans to collect the rain (because there's nothing else they could do when the rain was so heavy).

Though we didn't do much at the garden, Yanti, Greg and I felt so tired after our lunch at Paragon. Greg and I brought Yanti to Sakura for dinner after our nap that day, partly to celebrate Hari Raya with Yanti. I believe it wasn't as fun as the atmosphere she had in Indonesia with her family on this very day, but I do hope that our presence and effort had made her feel less home sick.

It's All Too Late

2007-10-12T12:51:00.001+08:00

I still the remember the strong toilet scent at SGH whenever Mum's hospitalized at Ward 72. I could suddenly smell it around me for several hours yesterday afternoon even though I didn't visit the toilet at TTSH (I believe the washing detergent used for the toilets is the same across all restructured hospitals) during that time. The smell lingered and I smsed Rina about it. She believed it could be Mum and that Mum wanted to remind me to take coconut drink more regularly at my current stage of pregnancy!?! Well, I went "Har?"...

Anyway, thinking back, Mum and Dad had taken very good care of me all along. I still remember when I first had Greg, Mum would make sure I took the necessary tonics and Dad would go all way out to get the food I love to eat. Dad would also make sure that I had coconut water to drink whenever I visited them in my last trimester of my first pregnancy and he would drive me to wherever I wished to go. Life was a breeze then and I felt so pampered. Sigh...things are just so different now. Quite upset when I thought about it last night.

Greg woke up at 3am this morning because he wetted his pants. After changing him, I could not go back to sleep. Images of what Dad and Mum did for me kept coming to me, and suddenly I just felt like penning some of my thoughts down. There were a couple of times when I had the mood to write poems in the middle of the night but I forced myself to sleep because I was tired. I thought I could still write them down the next day but I simply lost that inspiration. Anyway, I got up from my bed, wrote the poem and was able to return to my beauty sleep again at about 4:30am. Here it is, sharing with you how I feel..

When tears started welling up in my eyes

I knew that I was thinking of something not nice

Would crying suffice?..

I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried.

I am sorry for the times that I had taken you for granted

It's not that I had disagreed with your disciplinary method

I regret not heeding some of your wise advice

For many of my bad behaviours, I sincerely apologize.

You were magnanimous and forgiving

My parents you were, forever so loving

How I wish I could cherish you more when you were around

It's all too late and I have only tasted the real loss now..

I managed to dig out a couple of my wedding pictures which have Mum and Dad in them. Both were so healthy in 2003. I really miss them so much, and all the fun events that took place at their house.. so many fond memories *sob sob* SIGH..

What an Achievement!

2007-10-11T09:00:00.001+08:00

Last night, Greg, Yanti and I went out for dinner at Compass Point. I "gave" Yanti a day of MC to rest yesterday because she looked really unwell. We drove round the carpark at Compass Point several times but still we couldn't find a slot to park our car. Greg grew somewhat impatient.

Greg: Mummy, there's no space for you to park the car?

Me: Yup. I am still looking. Perhaps you can help me spot one?

Greg: Hmmm... Mummy, I push one car out and let you park ok?

Me (Looking puzzled): Push one car out?

Greg: Yes, I eat vegetables in school today you know. I have strength to push one car.

Me (laughed): Oh really?

Greg: Mummy, you stop your car somewhere. I will get out and push one car out so that you can park.

Me (agreeing to his request because i wanted to see what he would do): Ok. I have stopped my car. Which car would you like to push out?

Greg: *Paused for a while* Ok... JieJie, you go push that white car out. I wait here with Mummy..

Yanti and I burst out laughing... I think he enjoys solving problems for adults, regardless of whether the solution is feasible or not. I thought he's just so funny..

At his childcare centre this morning, Greg suddenly told me that he had wanted to pass motion. Not wanting to force him to sit on his school's toilet bowl, I gave him an option to either sit on the toilet bowl or I would put on his pull-up for him. He decided to give the former a try. And yes, he succeeded in passing motion into the toilet bowl, and he felt so proud about it. He quickly got up from the seat and counted his faeces happily.. he even said, "see Mummy, my poo poo is floating in the water. I need to flush them away because they are so smelly!" I guess he has not developed any aversion towards toilet bowl but it's just a matter of when he's ready to use it for passing motion. I know he still doesn't like to use the toilet bowl at home because it's too high for him. I suppose I shall let nature take its course, and when he's ready, he'd be ready I believe. Just wanna say, "Good job Gregory!! Mummy is so proud of you!" =)

Cry Baby

2007-10-10T11:00:00.001+08:00

This morning, one of Greg's teachers, ZhangBin LaoShi told me that Greg has been crying over the slightest thing. For instance, his pull-up overflowed during his nap, and he laid on his tummy on the floor, refusing to move because he did not want to let anyone know that his shirt was wet. His form teacher was on leave, and a new teacher (T. Lia) took over. Apparently, the new teacher brought the kids somewhere, and Greg continued to lie on the floor. ZhangBin LaoShi went up to him and when Greg realized that ZhangBin LaoShi knew about his wet shirt, he cried. She had to calm him down, and kept telling him that it's ok. I really wonder why he cried because at home if he were to wet the bed or his shirt when he woke up, he would just say, "Mummy, the shirt is wet. Can you change me?". Maybe he felt embarrassed people know about him wetting his shirt?? Or perhaps he was worried about getting a scolding from his teacher?

Another crying incident has got something to do with him eating vegetables in school. Apparently, if he could not finish his vegetables, he would cry. ZhangBin LaoShi believed that Greg knew he was supposed to finish his plate of vegetables and if he didn't, he might get some not pleasant remarks. Hence, she planned not to reprimand him if he tried but could not finish his bowl of vegetables during lunch. Sigh.. Greg's in this period whereby he refuses to eat vegetables. He used to love them so much, and I hope it's just a phase that he's going through.

Well, these incidents reminded me of my past, when I was young. I cried over the slightest thing in school because I would get anxious if I knew I could not complete something successfully and I was expected to perform. I disliked doing things wrong and I remembered that I enjoyed being in adults' good books most of the time. Thinking back, I believed I cried because it's partly my way of coping with anxiety, and partly I knew it's one good way the adults/ teachers got to know what's bothering me. Aiyooo... I hope Greg isn't like me..because I didn't like this part of me.

I still remember when I was in Primary school, the teacher mentioned something about penalizing us 5 cents for every arithmetic sum we got wrong. I got panicky because I knew my parents would check the amount of pocket money I have left everyday, and I worried about doing my maths wrongly. I was so anxious that I cried. Quite funny when I think back. The teacher came to me, brought me to a corner and asked me why I cried. I told her my concerns, and she said, "silly girl, teacher is just joking with the class!". I felt relieved after that. Hmmm... my teacher must be thinking why I am such a cry baby, and now when I think back, I thought the teacher's method to get the class do the work correctly was so ridiculous! Or maybe I didn't know how to differentiate between what was a joke and what was for real then... well, no one cried except me. Wonder if Greg inherits this characteristic from me... oh no! =(

What a Way to Start my Tuesday!

2007-10-09T11:00:00.001+08:00

KengYong is away on a business trip to Jakarta this week. He would only be returning to Singapore on Saturday night. Yanti falls sick. Unsure if it's because she's too sad about her sister's departure over the weekend. Greg's a little cranky because he has developed some cough and blocked nose at night and in the morning. I got Yanti to rest (because she looks quite sick) and I tried to manage most of the things on my own. Waaah.. really had a taste of what it's like as a "single parent"! How I wish I am not pregnant now! Being heavily pregnant makes it even more difficult for me to cope.

Anyway, Greg complained about having blocked nose this morning. I gave him a dose of actifed syrup and off I drove to TTSH. Half way through the journey, he started crying and screaming that he couldn't breathe. You can imagine how panicky I was then. I was trying to be cautious on the busy road while I was ensuring that he's fine in his car seat behind. My goodness. Immediately I off the aircon in the car to make it slightly warmer for him but he kept whining and crying. I suppose all these behaviours of his would probably make his nose even more blocked. Luckily we arrived at TTSH quite safely within half an hour. When I asked him if his breathing was fine, he would cry and say no. Then when I asked him if he wanted to follow me to my office (a place where he loves to go), immediately he said he could breathe and he wanted to go office with me! *aaargggh* I did feel somewhat frustrated.

When we arrived at Greg's childcare, it was about 7:45am. I changed him into his school uniform, and he said he wanted to pass motion. Greg never like poo-ing into the toilet bowl in school. I don't know why. However, I thought it's a good time for me to "overcome his fear/ dislike" towards his school's toilet bowl. I was with him, reassuring him when he told me "his faeces is hard and his hole is painful". Greg has not been taking fruits for the past two days because of his cough. Anyway, he said he didn't feel like eating fruits. I believe that's why his poo was hard. He refused to sit on the toilet bowl eventually after a few tries and he couldn't force his poo out. In the end, Greg requested to have his pull-ups on. He asked me to sit down, and he held onto my knees supporting himself. He was pushing his poo out till his face was red and he was perspiring profusely. I tried encouraging him by saying "push push push".. and finally at 8:10am, he stood up looking tired and said, "Mummy, my poo poo is out!". Waaah.. first time I felt like I was his "gynae"! Hahaha... and his "baby" was indeed hard and in a shape of a big ball... think I have to get him to drink more water and perhaps take some fruits such as apples tonight.

Gynae Checkup Today!

2007-10-08T17:00:00.001+08:00

I went for my 8th month growth scan and gynae checkup at KKH this afternoon. KengYong is away in Indonesia and I was so worried while waiting for my turn. I felt so relieved when the sonagrapher told me my baby is ok. However, baby's estimated weight now is 2.6kg! Oh my gosh! This baby is huge! The first thing that came to my mind was how I am going to push the baby out if he's going to be so big. Greg's weight is average at birth hence I never expect myself to have such a big baby. Gynae assured me that baby and I would be ok since my OGTT results showed that I didn't have gestational diabetes. Hmmm...I guess I have to trust what my gynae's words right?

During my last gynae checkup which was a month ago, the baby weighed only about 1+kg. I expected his weight to be around 2kg today hence I was very taken aback when I was told that he's actually now about 2.6kg. I almost fainted. He grew so fast and fortunately, my own weight increment over the past one month is only 0.7kg! Heehee.. so I supposed everything that I have consumed over the past one month went mostly to him! Anyway, most importantly, the baby must be healthy. Just hope that the birth process would be a tolerable one.. *keeping my fingers very crossed*

By the way, KengYong and I are still thinking of a name for our baby boy. I would be delighted if you could give me some suggestions... thanks..

"Who Says I Don't Understand?"

2007-10-08T08:45:00.001+08:00

Greg didn't fail to check on Yanti's emotions even after he woke up from his nap in the late afternoon yesterday. He kept asking Yanti if she's still sad. Greg even went to tell a neighbour about it when we walked past our neighbour's house, and I could not stop him on time. I guess he continued to pursue the matter because Yanti did not give him any response. Finally, when we were out for dinner, Yanti told Greg, "JieJie is not crying anymore".

Greg went, "Oh JieJie, I know why you cried just now you know. Romsiyah JieJie goes (went) home. Her house is very far away so she has to take aeroplane go home. You cry (cried) because Romsiyah JieJie is no more here. If Romsiyah JieJie never come back, you can take aeroplane to go see Romsiyah JieJie what?! You don't have to cry ok?.." Waaah... when I heard that, I nearly "fainted". Well, I guess Greg did understand what I was trying to tell him. Perhaps he's trying to problem-solve for Yanti.. and he wants Yanti to be her cheerful self again.

Farewell to Romsiyah

2007-10-07T15:30:00.001+08:00

Mum had a maid with her for about three years. Her name is Romsiyah. She's 25 years old this year. To me, she is a good helper. Not only had she looked after my mum reasonably well (I believe many other maids would have resigned because Mum needed a lot of care), she also cooked well and kept the house generally clean. Mum loved her and taught her many of her secret cooking recipes during those three years. Mum passed away and I know Romsiyah was emotionally affected. She moved on to work for Raymond for a few more months after Mum's demise but in the end, she decided not to extend her work permit and return to Indonesia.Today is the day we sent her off at the airport.

Daryanti (Romsiyah's sister and also my current helper) was devastated when she heard about Romsiyah's departure about two days ago. She had wanted to celebrate Hari Raya with Romsiyah but was upset that Romsiyah chose to leave before Hari Raya arrives. This morning, Raymond, Rina, I and our families met at Terminal One for breakfast before we bid our final farewell to Romsiyah. Inevitably, Daryanti was very affected. She kept tearing at the airport. Greg told me he's upset to see Daryanti was upset. He couldn't quite understand why Daryanti cried. Neither could he comprehend why Romsiyah has to take aeroplane to go home whereas he usually takes the car home. He had lots of "Whys" and I knew he was very puzzled.

Greg: Mummy, why is JieJie (referring to Daryanti) crying?
Mummy: Romsiyah JieJie is leaving so Yanti JieJie is upset. That's why she cried.
Greg (puzzled): But why? Mummy, why?
Mummy: Well Greggie, it's like when you cannot find Mummy you cry. Yanti JieJie now cannot find Romsiyah JieJie because Romsiyah JieJie has gone home so Yanti JieJie cries.
Greg: Ohhhhh....
Mummy (feeling relieved that he has finally understood)
Greg: But Mummy, Romsiyah JieJie later will come back, just like Mummy. So why Yanti JieJie must cry now???
Mummy: *Faint* as Greg still didn't know Romsiyah would not return though we have explained so many times. To him, Romsiyah is part of the family I believe.

We were on our way home. Greg's sitting with Yanti at the back of the car while I was driving. Greg kept looking at Yanti and asked, "JieJie, are you still sad? Are your eyes still painful?". There was no verbal response from Yanti and I could not see if she nodded or shook her head because I was driving. Anyway, when we got off the car, Greg said, "Mummy, JieJie has stopped crying already. I think JieJie is happy now." Though there are some concepts I know Greg couldn't quite grasp, I do think he's a very sensitive boy who could empathize very well. Hmmm.. don't know if it's a good thing or not because he seemed to get quite emotionally affected easily.

I hereby wish Romsiyah all the best in whatever she does. I have also heard from Daryanti that Romsiyah is returning to Indonesia to get married. I feel so happy for her, hence got her a pendant and a necklace. I really hope that all goes well for her and that she's happy with her choice. The above picture is the most recent photo I have which has Romsiyah in it. She's with Reuben, and the face between Romsiyah and Reuben belongs to Daryanti. Goodbye to you, Romsiyah. Suddenly I have this strange feeling that one of my major life chapter has just been closed. I still can't forget those times Romsiyah stayed by Mum's side in the hospital. Thanks Romsiyah, for all that you have done...

Tummy Big or Small?

2007-10-06T09:40:00.001+08:00

I am now 8 months into my pregnancy. So far so good, but I tire very easily. Everyday when I reach home after work, I wouldn't hesitate to rest on the bed after my bath. Waaah.. I could really feel my body melting into the mattress! I notice that I feel a lot more exhausted now as compared to my first pregnancy when I had Greg. Perhaps it's due to my age or maybe because I have to keep an eye on Greg at home. Of course, it could also be a combination of both. Often I feel guilty that I have not been able to engage in much play with Greg simply because I was too tired. He's also kind enough to let me rest on bed and would look for his daddy/ our helper to play with him. I must say Greg has been pretty considerate..

I do have bad backaches, and I feel as heavy as a buffalo. Sometimes when I walk, I feel I am so clumsy. How I wish the baby is out soon, but I am also concerned about whether I could cope with the two boys at home. Sigh. I guess I just have to take one step at a time and deal with the situation as it comes. How nice if Pa and Ma are still around. At least I know I have someone whom I can rely on if I really need their help.. *sob sob* Now I have to do everything from A-Z all by myself.. it's going to be tough but I suppose no matter what, I have to go through it.

Many people has commented that my tummy is huge. Maybe it is. That's why the physical strain on me is so significant. Interestingly, yesterday one of my patients (who's a teacher and has been seeing me every fortnightly to sort out some of her issues) told me that she was shocked to only know I was pregnant about two weeks ago and I am already so advanced into my pregnancy now. She commented that my tummy was too small and reminded me to eat more. Hmm... I wonder if her judgement is accurate because she's the only one who thinks my tummy is small. Anyway, about an hour after her appointment with me, I found her pacing about in front of my clinic room door. She bought soyabean milk for me and asked me to drink so that my tummy and baby can get bigger!!!??? Hmmm.... how strange. Anyway, I didn't accept the drink (usually I do not accept gifts/ things from patients). She asked me why, and I gave her the reason (and a very silly one! Ha!) that my gynaecologist has advised me to have only a cup of soyabean milk one day and I have already drank one cup in the morning. I know it's a nonsensical excuse I have cooked up, but well at least she accepted it and went off drinking the soyabean milk herself. Heehee.

Yesterday, I was curious about the way people judge the size of my tummy, so I decided to take a picture of it and look at it myself. Hmmm... what do you think? ... Well, so long as my gynaecologist never flash any red light/ flag, I guess I should ok..

Not Another Injury Please..

2007-10-05T14:00:00.001+08:00

Greg looked quite glum when I went to fetch him from childcare over the past two days. Two days ago, he had a fight with a little Malay boy a month younger than him in class. Apparently that boy was holding onto a storybook and in the midst of the argument, he used that storybook to hit Greg on his forehead. A slice of Greg's forehead skin came off, and the wound was quite raw. When I fetched him at childcare two days ago, he came to me pointing at his forehead and said, "Mummy, Ismail used storybook and hit me here. So painful you know." His form teacher has also informed me of the incident.

Apparently, Greg went to scratch the skin off yesterday when the wound healed and his teacher had to plaster it as the blood was oozing out. Greg was again upset when I went to fetch him at childcare yesterday. He complained to me sadly, "It's all Ismail's fault.. I am upset with Ismail. See... now I have to put plaster on my forehead!" I could sense his anguish and anger.We had a little discussion on what he could do the next time he gets himself into another fight. Well, I guess it's going to take Greg a little while more to be on good terms with Ismail again..look at how unhappy he was in the photo above!

Remember the last time Greg asked me why an old lady used an umbrella even when it wasn't raining at all? Well, yesterday I was amazed that he was trying to apply what he has learnt from my that conversation with him. We were in the car. I was driving and he sitted in his car seat behind. Weather was extremely hot yesterday even in the evening.
Greg: Mummy, where's my umbrella? I need my umbrella..
Mummy: Why do you need an umbrella for in the car?
Greg: It's hot here. The sun is on me.. I want to use my umbrella to cover myself. It's too bright and I don't want the sun to shine on me..
Mummy: ??? But you are in a car ... !!!????
Well, he's right that an umbrella can be used both on a rainy and a sunny day.. hmmm..

Am I Strong?

2007-10-04T15:02:00.001+08:00

Over the past two years, I received streams of condolences and encouragement. From friends, colleagues and relatives. I know they meant well, but frankly speaking, I was given the impression that the chain of unfortunate events that had happened to me for the past two years were not common and could only be seen in TV drama serials. I guess it was just so coincidental that one sad event happened after another. But anyway, I did feel odd.. and tired then. That feeling wasn't pleasant at all.

Now I receive smses or emails from friends and relatives sharing with me their losses (e.g., abortion, death of their loved one, how sick their loved one is etc). I am uncertain if they chose to confide in me because I am a clinical psychologist or that they feel comfortable sharing with me something that I have gone through it myself. By the way, I am absolutely fine with people sharing their emotions and thoughts with me. Afterall, that's what friends are for. What struck me is that many commented that I was strong. Strange.. I have never ever perceived myself as someone who's emotionally strong (remember, my brother has always said I was a 'cry baby' since young?). Neither do I think the events that had happened to me would/ have strengthened me in any way. As I was thinking back how I have coped over the past two years (and I am still adapting!), a little poem popped into my mind..

I am ordinary, like all other human beings
Just someone with own thoughts and feelings
Each time a sad event happens
Like you, my mood surely dampens.

Deeply into my heart, it may cut
I know I have to help myself to get out of the rut
People around may show their concern and say they understand
Very often I wonder if they could really comprehend.

I don't think I am someone who is strong
It's probably that I do not wish my life to go wrong
I have seen people with problems many times worse
It's time I should move on and not think it's a curse.

I have learnt to count my own blessing
Just have to pick myself up even if I keep falling
How I want my life to be
I guess no one can run it except me..

Does it Run in My Family?

2007-10-03T15:30:00.001+08:00

Greg was so happy yesterday when we gave Edna (his classmate) and Susanna (Edna's mummy) a ride home. Greg and Edna were so delighted with each other's company that they held each other's hand and walked happily to the car. What a sweet pair! The three of them sat behind, chatting away and having fun. I passed some sweets to Susanna while I was driving and told Greg that he could only have one. Edna asked for another sweet when she had finished hers, and Susanna gave her. When they gave another sweet to Greg, he said, "No, I don't want. Mummy said I can only take one sweet!". Susanna was impressed and was commenting how sensible Greg was. Hmm.. I wonder if Greg is really so mature, obedient and sensible!.. though I must admit that I was "giggling" in my heart then.

Somehow, his behaviour does remind me of Edwin - Greg's oldest cousin. If you were to look at the picture below, he's that boy whose lap Greg sat on. Edwin is only 11 years old this year but I must say this young boy has always been very sensible, clever and mature. He's also Mum's favourite grandson, and the grandchild who's most affected by Mum's and Dad's demise. Hmmm... who knows, maybe being sensible is a characteristic that has been passed down in my family??..heeheehee..hope this isn't just a phase for Greg!

Picture above: It was taken at Raymond's house when we had a makan gathering. Greg's with all his cousins from my side. From left - Reuben, Raymond, Ryan/ Xian, Regine, Roy, Edwin and Greg. Greg loves this photo because it has all his cousins in it. He has enjoyed all the meet-ups with this group of cousins and the kids would usually have a wild time together. It's a no wonder that Mum and Dad loved to have the children and grandchildren down at their place. I still remember that Mum enjoyed watching the grandchildren play hide and seek at home and would laugh non-stop. Sigh.. it's a pity that Mum and Dad are no longer around. Otherwise, I believe they would love this lot of grandchildren immensely..